


Last Standing Jedi

by yomamasd



Series: Force Works In Mysterious Ways [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: A little of Hux Action, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Consensual Non-Consent, Corporal Punishment, Dominant Hux, Dominant Kylo Ren, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Face-Fucking, Hate-Fucking, Hux is a Jedi Fetishist, Inappropriate Use of Lightsabers, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Kylo has issues, Kylo is a sad boy, Loss of Virginity, Make up sex, Mind-Fucking, Mostly Kylo Fic, Not All Porn, Oral Sex, Orgasm Denial, Rape/Non-con Elements, Reader Makes bad decisions, Reader-Insert, Ren has a Light Side, Squirting, Super Crylo Ren, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, actually has a story, jealousy sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-28
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-07-18 18:59:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 45,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7326487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yomamasd/pseuds/yomamasd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the Second Jedi Purge, you thought you were the only surviving Jedi. You spend a decade hiding in the shadows as the First Order chased after you. Once they caught up, you were taken hostage by the Jedi Killer himself, a man you once grew up with.<br/>Ren's only intentions were to use your strength in the Force for the Dark Side, and he was ready to use every possible way to do so. Soon, his sadistic methods become an obsession, as both you and Kylo Ren find yourselves suffering with conflicting emotions.<br/>You promise to yourself that you will not let the First Order prevail, yet you find yourself slipping a little each day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> If any of the trigger warnings bother you, I advice you to turn away immediately. Otherwise, enjoy.

You stopped running once you felt the pressure dragging on your feet, your mobility frozen in place. You were too stiff to even reach out and ignite your lightsaber. Your hand slowly crept to the side of your lightsaber, slowly igniting the sea-green array of light, looking at the direction you knew your enemy was coming. Calling him enemy seemed unnatural, almost futile. The man you knew as Ben Solo wasn’t your enemy, he was your friend – another apprentice under Master Skywalker. 

But now every single one of those people you grew up with and trained under are dead – and you are the last standing Jedi. You can’t exactly remember how you survived the second Jedi Purge, but you dread every single moment that you did. Hiding in the shadows was no longer enough. You could not blend in darkness, when all you had was light to seek. 

One other person from your past survived, but he wasn’t the same man you knew. The monster carried his face, a façade that shared the same identity… but it wasn’t him. How can someone turn into something so twisted and dark, someone who you knew all your childhood. You drew out a sharp breath, a mass of fog releasing your mouth as your shivered in cold. You looked out at the cloaked figure, holding his scarlet lightsaber, blazing by his side. You could no longer run. As a Jedi, you had to stand your ground and fight – but you could sense the darkness in him… you knew how much more powerful he had become. You pulled your hood down, tucking the strands of loose hair behind your ear, and balled your fists tightly.

“Hello Ben.” You said coldly, tightly gripping onto your lightsaber. You haven’t dueled in almost ten years, back when you were still a teenager. You were only fifteen, still a Padawan learner, when everything was taken away from your life in a heartbeat. The masked figure cocked his head to the side, inching closer as he held his lightsaber, and looked at you intently through his masked visor.

“That’s no longer my name. Ben Solo is dead. He died along with all your other comrades ten years ago.” The mechanic voice said emotionlessly. “I have been looking for you for a long time F/N” 

“Talking is third person is pretty pathetic Ben.” You scowled, all your senses alert as you were ready to attack. “So what are you waiting for, kill me already.” You said, your voice slightly shaky. You weren’t afraid of death; you were afraid of living in such darkness. You were completely prepared to join the Force.

“Who said anything about me killing you. You’re coming with me F/N, the Supreme Leader is eager to meet you.” Kylo Ren said as he turned his lightsaber off. You held onto your lightsaber and gripped it tightly, not letting your guard down. 

“I am not going anywhere with you Ben!” You shouted, trying to control your anger. Anger and fear is the path to the dark side – the very emotions that turned the man in front of you rogue. He inched closer to you, close enough for your breath to fog his pitch-black mask. 

“I sense the anger in you.” Ren said, slowly circling his prey. “That is exactly the kinds of emotions I was hoping for.” He said, stopping directly behind you. 

“I am not going down with a fight.” You said, gritting through your teeth.

“You and I both know you aren’t polished enough to defeat me. And I have absolutely no intentions killing you.” Kylo Ren said as he waved his hand in front of your face. “You are very strong with the Force, let me show you your true potential.” You felt your vision darken, slowly losing your ground as you fell in his arms, falling into a bliss of darkness. 

XXXX

You woke up shackled to heavy chains, its weight dragging your limbs down. You fluttered your eyelashes and noticed that your clothes have been changed. At the thought that someone stripping you down and changing your clothes was an eerie concept. You knew very well that the First Order would probably try to take advantage of you. Your cheeks burned up as shame washed over you. Completely flushed with humiliation, you decided to look around the cell you were being held in. The cell was freezing, making your skin erupt in goosebumps and the hairs at the back of your neck stand. And the new outfit you were put on wasn’t helping – the neckline ran in a deep V and a high slit ran up your right thigh, stopping inches below your private areas. The dress by all means was beautiful; it fit you like a silk glove, accentuating your curves perfectly, it’s black material flowing down the floor flawlessly. This was a dress you would want to wear at a celebration, not on the day your freedom ended. 

You sensed the darkness once again, knowing he was coming to visit you. You took in a deep breath and prepared for your encounter with him. You heard the thumping footsteps echoing the hallways outside, the conflicted Forces of dark and light fighting each other. He still had light in him, but the darkness overpowered his good, just like it always does. Perhaps there was still a chance to save him and bring him back to his true path. 

He entered the room, his black robe fluttering behind him. You stood up straight, ignoring the pain the tight restraints were throbbing in your wrist. He stood in front of you, his visor mask staring blankly at you.

“The Supreme Leader has demanded your presence.” He said in a monotone voice.

“You can tell the Supreme Leader to eat dick.” You shot back, repeating the Jedi Code in your head to calm you down. You shut your eyes and opened them again, as Kylo cocked his head to the side, observing you closely.

“Ten years and your profane behavior still hasn’t changed. You are making my job easier F/N.” Ren said emotionlessly, his mechanic voice making him sound more robotic. You rolled your eyes and scoffed, realizing the irony in his words.

“I might have always been rebellious and profane, but it’s your demonic actions that’s truly disgusting.” You shouted. This mask looked straight at your eyes, slowly drifting down your body, stopping at your chest. You look down and notice how much of your breast was showing. You coughed uncomfortably when his eyes shot up at your eyes again, once again unable to read his emotions. His mind was completely impenetrable; no matter how hard you tried, you could read nothing inside his mind. After a long, uncomfortable pause, he finally spoke up.

“You look good.” He said mockingly. You wrinkled your nose and turned your face to your side, trying to pry away from his glare.

“You are an obscene bantha fodder.” You murmured. You felt him unshackling your restraints and drag you down on the floor, pulling you along the busy corridors of what you assumed was the main base. Officers and Stormtroopers snared at you while you walked by them; you could sense their confusion, curiosity, and for some, utter hate. You have spent almost ten years in isolation and being around so many people would want nothing more than to harm you was highly unsettling. “What happened to my clothes?” You asked, completely disorientated from your surroundings.

“A Lady of Ren must always be presentable.” The replied without looking back, picking up his pace as he dragged you by your cuffs. You tried to wiggle out of his grasp as you pulled back, your cheeks burning with fury.

“I am never going to submit to the Dark Side!” You shouted, making everyone in the corridor to stop and look at you, some with shocked expressions. Kylo Ren didn’t stop to acknowledge you, just kept on walking through the busy corridor.

“You already have one foot in the darkness F/N. It’s only a matter of time before you completely give in.” he repeated in his monotone voice, taking a sharp left turn. You grinded your teeth hard as he led you to a massive room, completely shrouded in darkness. Only small amounts of light peeked through an opening in the ceiling, illuminated what seemed to be a throne, but it was empty. In front of throne stood a man with bright red hair, his back arched straight and his hand clasped behind his back. You and Ren stopped next to the red-headed man, his face completely stiff as he observed you from the corner of his eye.

His emotions, unlike Ren were much more readable – and from what you could tell, this man had no appropriate intentions. You wrinkled your nose with discomfort and moved your gaze to the throne, soon igniting with the transmission of an enormous figure, igniting the room with his powerful ambiance. His pale, distorted face moved closer to you, narrowing his pitch black eyes as he observed you. 

“You finally found her.” He said, his voice echoing with power and strength. 

“Yes Lord Ren, now all we must do is find Skywalker, and then all Jedi will finally be exterminated.” Ren said monotonously. Your eyes shot up at the mention of Master Skywalker. He was still alive? You couldn’t believe your ears… all this time, you thought you were the only one left, but now learning that Master Skywalker was still alive filled your heart with hope – hope that you lost long ago. 

“Yes… I still sense much light in her. She is in conflict, but her light side is still dominant. She will need further conditioning.” The Supreme Leader said. “But she will serve the purpose well. I can sense the strength of the Force in her.” 

“She will turn to the Dark Side Supreme Leader; I can assure you that.” Ren replied again. You scowled at him gritting your teeth again.

“I told you! I am never joining the Dark Side Ben!” You shouted again, struggling with your chains. Kylo Ren reach for your face swiftly, cupping your chin tightly.

“You will soon find out that I am very convincing.” He hissed through his mask, bringing his helmet closer to yours. 

“I highly doubt that.” You replied coldly. He finally released your face as a sharp pain hit your jaw. You slightly winched and turned to your left as the other man began talking.

“The weapon is progressing as we expected Supreme Leader. If Ren’s methods are proven ineffective, it shall be ready.” He said smugly.

“My methods have been proven very successful General. I doubt we will need your toy.” Ren shot back. You watched the exchanged between the two men, and you could clearly sense the dislike and jealousy between them. They were constantly fighting for dominance and power, something that you could use to your advantage. 

“You still have Skywalker to find.” The General replied back, moving his attention back to the Supreme Leader. 

“Very well. Both Lord Ren and you, General are going to be responsible to turn the girl to our side. She is very beneficial to us, both by the use of the Force, and politically.” The Supreme Leader said. 

“I won’t cooperate with any shit of yours.” You shouted, trying to pry your hands away from your restraints. 

“I am perfectly capable of reconditioning her myself!” Ren protested, clutching you closer to him. The Supreme Leader crooked his eyebrows and rested his chin on his palm, falling in deep thought.

“Okay Kylo Ren, if you aren’t able to recondition her within three months, then you must hand her over to General Hux.” The Supreme Leader said. 

“She is a Force user! He wouldn’t know how to convert her!” Kylo Ren’s voice grew louder, echoing in the large room.

“In my experience, my methods always get me results.” The General said, looking at you coldly. 

“Try all you can but I am not going to give in. This is my promise.” You glared at all three men. You felt Kylo Ren’s visor coming closer to your ear, it’s cold metal pressing against your skin.

“That’s where you are wrong F/N.” 

XXXX

You were dragged back by through the corridors again, making you trip on your own dress on the way back. You noticed you weren’t making your way back to your cell, but somewhere else. Kylo Ren stopped in front of a door and punched in codes, which you were unable to see. As the door slid open, you were brought into a luxurious apartment, overlooking the view of a beautiful snowy terrain. Wherever you were, the planet was truly beautiful; but you didn’t have time to admire the view. 

“What is this?” You turned around and asked, as Ren took a seat in the sofa.

“My personal quarters.” He answered simply, his mask fixated on you.

“Congratulations, you have a nice place to live. What the fuck am I doing here?” You asked coldly, looking around the apartment. The apartment was overwhelmed with black décor, something you weren’t entirely surprised by, but it was still making you uneasy. 

“You are going to live here, with me.” He answered plainly again, sitting back more comfortably now. You came closer and scoffed, kneeling closer to him.

“I get my own room? Because I only see one bedroom here.” You observe, seeing his bedroom door wide open. 

“No.” He said. This one-worded answered were making you impatient, but then again that was exactly what he was hoping for; so you tried your best not to gain him the satisfaction.

“You’re making me sleep on the floor, you savage piece of shit?” You remarked, cocking your head to the side. Ren reached to the side of his mask and unclipped it, as a small hissing noise released. He pulled out his helmet and dropped it on the floor, letting his dark locks fall perfectly around him. He still looked exactly the way you remembered him – the pale skin dotted with beauty marks, the perfectly chiseled sharp nose, the beautiful full, pouting pink lips. There was no denying it, Ben Solo was a very, very handsome man – but it didn’t make him any less of a monster. You slid back slightly, resting your hips on your heels. “This isn’t how you make me come to your side Ben.” 

“You haven’t seen anything of savagery yet. And no, you are going to sleep in the bed, with me.” He said in his natural voice, his face perfectly emotionless. You let out a sarcastic chuckle and looked back on his bed, a large king-sized bed draped with black silk bedding. The idea of you sleeping next to the man who was single-handedly responsible for the death of everyone you knew was… almost paralyzing. 

“What makes you think I am going to sleep in the same bed as you?” You remarked, looking straight at his pitch-black eyes. A small smile crept up on the corner of his lips, disappearing almost immediately. 

“This is not going to be a joy ride F/N. The path to the dark side is not an easy one; and we don’t use the acts of kindness to sway. We show dominance, we show power. And I will show you who is in charge.” Ren reached to the side table and brought out two bracelets – black metallic material decorated with duo-chrome blue/green stones. He pulled you by your hands and undid your restraints before you even realized it. He quickly placed the cuffs on both of your hands, immediately taking away your power to use the Force. You looked at your hands, examining the bracelets carefully; these were Force Restraint cuffs. 

“I didn’t have high expectations with you, Ben.” You mumbled, dropping your hands to your lap. He gestured you to take a seat in the sofa next to him, tapping on the cushions. You reluctantly got up and took a seat in the plush sofa, crossing your legs so you don’t slip off. His eyes once again drifted over your outline, as if he was trying to memorize your body. Being completely incompetent to read his intentions was highly unsettling, especially when he was ogling you this way.

“When I was younger, I always thought you were… unendurably sexy.” He said, closing the gap between you two. You moved your back against the handle of the sofa uncomfortably, completely baffled by his words.

“What?” You said, your voice dripping with shock.

“Ben Solo was simply too weak to ever approach you, so he kept his sexual desires hidden, cowered that his Master was going to lecture him on raging teenage hormones again!” Ren spat, putting his arm around your waist. He sharply brought your closer to him, pressing his lips against your ear. “But I am Kylo Ren, and I get exactly what I want.” 

You moved your head to the side, meeting his pitch-black eyes, dancing with amber streaks. “And what is it that you want, Ben?” you whispered, your hands slightly shaky.

“I thought I made the answer obvious.” Ren said as he quickly stood up and threw you over his shoulder without hesitation. You jerked your legs and used your knuckles to punch his back, but everything was leaving him completely unaffected.

“Let go of me you fucking freak of nature!” you shouted as he threw you in the bed, your back melting softly against the cloudy mattress. He now lowered his body closer to yours and gripped your hands, bringing them above you to tie them to his bed post. You looked up at him, your lips slightly quivering. “Please don’t do this Ben.” You begged in a small voice.

“My name is Kylo Ren. Ben Solo is dead.” He hissed as his leather glove skimmed delicately over your face, slowly trailing down your neck, and stopping at your cleavage. Your cheeks burned with fear as he slowly pulled aside the neckline, revealing your bare breasts to him. You tried to jerk away and roll on your stomach but he pinned you down using his knees. His leather glove lightly puckering your nipples. They immediately hardened under his touch, causing you to moan unwantedly. Whatever he was doing, was making you feel really good. You met his face and saw his lick his lips in anticipation, rolling your buds of flesh around his forefingers. Once again, your body began to respond without your consent – you found yourself arching your back and throw your head back as pleasure struck you; pleasure unlike anything you have ever experienced before. When it came to sexual encounters – you had none. Hiding for ten years limited your time to actually ever have sex. The most you have ever done was kiss your boyfriend back in the Jedi Academy, but even that was ten years ago. This was unlike anything you have every experienced before. You found yourself shamelessly moaning as pleasure rippled through your body, making the throbbing between your legs increase. 

“Feels good doesn’t it? You like it, don’t you?” he hissed, drawing his face closer to your breasts. He stuck his tongue out and ran his tongue across one of the nipples, flickering against it and taking his time to suck slowly. Your mind screamed desperately for help, but your body reacted oppositely. You threw your head to the side and squeezed your eyes shut, trying to block out what was actually happening to you. You bit don’t on your bottom lip hard, preventing to moan any further, but they still kept on slipping. You didn’t even find the strength to tell him off, let alone fight him only because what he was doing felt so good. You felt hot tears roll down your eyes while you moaned as he continued to pleasure you. 

“Force you are perfect.” He mumbled as he licked his way down. You felt a slight flicker against your clit, but his hands were still up in your breasts. You snapped your eyes open at the new, electrifying sensation, checking to see what he was doing. “You’ve never came before, have you?” 

“Fuck… you.” You stuttered out, trying to pry way from the sensations he was creating in your body. You pursed your lips in a thin line and tried to roll around again, but found yourself completely frozen still. His hands moved down to your panties, pulling them down in a flash as the invisible pressure around your clit increased. “Stop this! Please…” you pleaded. His leathered glove circled around your clit again, making you almost shudder in pleasure.

“Tell me, if you are under such distress, why is your pussy so fucking wet?” he demanded, parting your outer lips to get a better view of your dripping cunt. You could feel juices pouring down your thighs – it was absolutely repulsive how your body was defeating your mind, and there was absolutely nothing you could do to help it. “This is going to make you feel so fucking good, I’m going to have you begging for me.” He circled a finger around your entrance, slowly squeezing his way in. 

“Please, I’m a virgin…” you whispered. A small smirk crept on his face, as he slipped his finger inside you, ripping through your hymen. You dug your teeth on your bottom lip as tears streaked down your eyes, pain shaking through you.

“This is meant to hurt at first.” He said as he carefully began to pump his finger inside you, your tight walls clenching around him. “Damn, that is a really tight pussy.” He commented, tightly gripping your thigh with his free hand, preventing you from moving. You threw your head back on the pillow and shut your eyes, sobs choking you. You don’t know how many agonizing minutes the pain lingered below you, but it felt like a lifetime. Soon you began to adjust to the newfound sensation, hints of pleasure rippling through you. Once again you found yourself moaning involuntarily, while your hips rocks against his fingers. Before you knew it, he slipped in another finger, pumping his fingers faster. You mind began to blank out as you lost yourself completely in pleasure as three fingers entered you; his fingers fucking you hard. Your moans were becoming louder and more frequent. Your walls clenched around his fingers as pumped much faster than before, making you shaking with pleasure unlike anything you have ever felt before. Just before you could feel your orgasm coming, Ren drew his fingers away, making you flush with need.

“You simply just expect me to make you come?” Ren asked. Your bottom lips whimpered as a strange discomfort filled your lower belly. You couldn’t possibly beg him, but this discomfort was almost unbearable. You tried to focus on the Force, but then realized you were restraint with Force-suppressing cuffs. 

“Ple…please…pleah…” you stuttered out, your needs completely defeating your purpose. Another sadistic smile spread on his face, his fingers circling your clit agonizingly slowly.

“What’s my name?” he said, his hot air hitting your skin, and for some reason, making your more aroused than you already were. More tears flushed down your cheeks, but this time from frustration. Never were you trained to resist something like this. Your lips quivered as your head rolled to the side in defeat.

“Please Kylo Ren…” you whimpered. You felt the three fingers pump inside you again and curl, making you almost jump. You didn’t think anything could feel as good as what he was doing before – then he dumbfounded you again by curling his fingers. His fingers pumped inside you furiously as he finger-fucked you in earnest. Your vision whitened as your very first orgasm washed over you, filling you with satisfaction, pleasure and shame. Your limbs lost all control and went numb, not even giving you the time to realize that your arms were unbound and your clothes were stripped off. Ren slipped on a ridiculously short silk nightdress over you and took of his own shirt, slipping on the bed next to you.

“Don’t mistake my sexual cravings for affection.” Ren whispered harshly close to your ear, making you burst in tears. You felt him brush your tears away, wrapping another arm around your waist. 

Your bottom lip trembled as you continued sobbing “I hate you.” You spat out, turning away from his gaze. You felt him smile against your bare shoulder, and you knew he was winning.

“That’s exactly the answer I was hoping for.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo continues to play his sadistic games in attempt to break you, but you have your own ways to crawl under his skin.

_The rain poured down hard as you felt yourself drowning in the mud, completely unable to move your body. Your lightsaber sizzled as the droplets landed on the hot surface of your blade, streaks of smoke rising from the green light. You just killed one of them – the Knights of Ren, striking your soft sea-green blade through his chest; but then everything froze around you… and all you could smell was death. Everyone was dying; they were simply too powerful. Who was it that betrayed us? It was impossible for you to believe that one of your own has turned to the Dark Side. Bodies of younglings and Jedi Knights alike stood in mounds around you, mixing to the ground as the mud enveloped them in the surface below._

_Another one came, this one seemed younger even through his helmet. His blood-red blade drawn, with two cross guards ignited. You didn’t think you had the energy to fight one more. He approached you slowly; not quite in an attacking form. You felt yourself lunge forward, pressing your attack with all your strength. You swung your blade, fistful blows, making your opponent stumble back. But he soon gained the upper hand – you found yourself back off close to the cliff, almost slipping to the side and meeting your death, along with all your other fellow Jedi’s._

_“L/N! Get out of here!” You heard someone shout. Your opponents gaze was fixated on the other Jedi behind you. He swung at you again, which you blocked off, but soon turned around to attack the other Jedi, how’s face you were unable to see. You ran after the dark knight, chasing him as he attacked another one of your fellow comrades. You used the Force to push him off and fall on the muddy ground, making his helmet come off in the process. You blood ran cold… it couldn’t be him._

_“Ben Solo…” You whispered, unable to believe your own eyes. You found yourself frozen still, unable to move an inch._

_“Get out of here L/N!” The other Jedi shouted again._

_“I can’t leave this! Jedi don’t run!” You shouted back as your voice became shaky, your limbs losing balance._

_“Just go… continue the legacy of the Jedi Order… GO!” He said as he continued to attack the person you once knew to be Ben Solo – the most promising apprentice in the Jedi Order. Direct ancestry of the Great Skywalker family. He was only two years older than you, yet he had already accomplished more than many Jedi Knights. Why was he doing this? How could he turn to the Dark Side? Your fight-or-flight response finally kicked in – and you found yourself running. Leaving everything and everyone you ever knew and loved, you began to run… and will continue running for the next ten years._

 

You popped your eyes open, your breath shaky and your body covered in sweat. It is the same nightmare you have been having for a decade now… expect one more addition was added. The silk nightdress clung to your body, the lacy trim itching against your burning skin. Your hands were still bound to the bed post, limiting your movements. You turned your body around and saw the monster sleeping next to you – this breathing perfectly peaceful. How can he sleep at night after all that he has done? Before he put on the Force-restraining cuffs, you could sense the constant conflict in him; the light and dark constantly battling each other. You couldn’t help but feel the utter disdain towards him… but you had a promise to keep. You couldn’t hate Kylo Ren; you needed to continue the legacy of the Jedi Order.

 

XXXX

 

The next morning when you woke up, your entire body ached with soreness. Your arms were unbound from the bedpost, but your wrists still throbbed from being in one position the whole night. It was snowing outside, the soft flakes falling slowly on the ground. You propped your body up and still found traces of blood laced in your inner thigh, making you remember the horrifying events of last night. He sexually assaulted you, and you knew this wasn’t going to be the last time… but what made you more miserable and disgusted was the fact that your body needed it… even craved it, even though your mind wanted to battle it constantly.

 

He was trying to get you aroused – this wasn’t forceful rape.; he wanted you to beg him for a release. You didn’t know which was worse; being violently violated by your enemy, or being helpless to him to release your sexual tension. You laced your finger over the dried blood, wrinkling your nose in disgust. Your nostrils flared as you balled your fist and slammed the bed side lamp to the ground, watching the crystal decoration crumble into pieces in the black tile. You crashed your head back on the soft pillow and covered your face with your palm, tears of frustration rolling down your eyes. You don’t think you had the energy to fight the dark side, but you knew very well you didn’t have a choice.

 

You heard the refresher door open as you slowly picked your head up to look at the devil. He walked out wearing nothing but a towel around his waist, and one around his shoulders. Your cheeks brightened seeing him like this, and your juvenile girly side couldn’t help but notice his perfectly toned torso. You wanted to hit yourself for even thinking of him like that. You brushed your hair back and covered your face with your palms again, getting the strong urge to punch yourself in the face. He completely ignored your presence, pretended as if you weren’t even there. Annoyed, you propped your head up again and saw him drop his towel, pulling out his robes from his closet.

 

Your jaw dropped, seeing a fully naked man for the first time in your life. You would have hoped it would be someone else, someone you didn’t want to kill, but then again, you found yourself shamelessly staring. He turned around and your eyes darted straight to his cock. You didn’t have a scale to measure but you were assuming that he was bigger than average – and that meant this would be more painful… and unfortunately, more pleasurable for you.

 

“Can’t help but stare?” you heard him said. Your eyes finally shot up to his eyes, his face perfectly still.

 

You grunted in frustration buried your face in your pillow, mostly ashamed at yourself. Never had you had such urges; but having them was perfectly normal… having them for him wasn’t. “You’re a loathsome monster Ben.” You mumbled under the pillow, hiding you face away from the man you unwillingly took your virginity. The shame and humiliation was crippling enough – but the sensations he created in you was unbearable. You could feel him coming closer to the bed, the mattress digging as he sat down. You pushed your face into the pillow more, trying to hiding yourself from his glare.

 

“Don’t ever call me that feeble name.” Ren hissed, closer to your ear. You turned your head and glared straight into his eyes, which were hinting blisters of yellow-gold mixed with the blackness.

 

“Your namesake was one of the greatest Jedi to have ever lived.” You said, gritting through your teeth. “It is absolutely dismal that you were chosen to carry Obi-Wan Kenobi’s name.” he gripped your jaw tightly, making you hiss in pain. He gripped hard enough to know it was going to bruise. He drew his face closer to yours, close enough for his nose to hit yours.

 

“Jedi are not meant to be associated with greatness, L/N.”  he snapped, his eyes burning with fury. You didn’t have a connection with the Force now, but you could tell his rage, his anger was rising. You should have kept your mouth shut, but you were discovering that your body parts are not correspondent with your brain.

 

“You are nothing but a weak excuse for greatness, fearing you will never be as strong as Darth Vader.” You glared, your nostrils flaring. Within a flash, he gripped your neck and threw you down on the floor, your body landing on top of the shattered glass from the lamp you broke earlier. Sharp edges of crystals penetrated you’re your skin, making blood gush out of your body. You curled and sobbed in pain, trying your best to remove the shards of glass. Kylo Ren came closer to you and scooped your body up from the floor, carrying you somewhere. You felt yourself getting lowered onto the soft sofa.

 

“Don’t try to pry it off, it will get infected.” Kylo said emotionlessly as he set a jar of bacta and some bandages on the side table.

 

“Maybe I want it to get infected.” You sobbed, pulling out one of the glass piece from your palm as your watched the blood trickle down your skin. He took your palm in his hand and applied cool bacta over it, wrapping it over with gauge wraps.

 

“Suicide isn’t the Jedi way.” He said, carefully removing the other pieces of glass poking out of your thighs and arms. You winced every time he removed the glass, wrapping them over with bandages.

 

“Unfortunately neither is snapping the enemies neck in half. Because I would have done that last night while you were in the middle of a dreamless sleep.” You shot back coldly. You heard a faint chuckle escaping his lips as he wrapped up the last bit of your injuries, leaving your thighs and arms covered in bandages.

 

“You want to kill me so bad, yet you are still resisting.” Kylo said, closing the gap between you two.

 

“I am going to resist as long as I live.” You replied back, your teeth grinding hard against your jaw. He reached out and grabbed your cheeks once again, but much more delicately this time. His naked fingers traced over your cheekbones and lips, lightly parting them apart.

 

“The fight in you is a very useful ally for the First Order.” He said as he rubbed his thumb over your lower lip. You jerked away from his touch, moving you head away. You felt another sob hiccup in your chest, feeling his touch on your upper thigh.

 

“I will never let the First Order and the Dark Side prevail.” You said, grinding your teeth as his fingers laced higher up your inner thigh, caressing the soft flesh. You pursed your lips in a thin line as he caressed you, preventing you to scream. You were still sore and uncomfortable from your hymen breaking last night, and you were getting the sense he wasn’t going to be gentle.’

 

“Oh I can surprise you.” He said, reading your thoughts.

 

“Why me? Why not spurt your sexual needs on a whore or something? Those are the only ones in their right mind to fuck you anyways.” You hissed, feeling his fingers tracing over your panties.

 

“Your body is merely a vessel – I have many other ways to pleasure myself.” He said, rubbing your sensitive clit over the thin fabric of your underwear. “As you so eloquently put it, yes, I can go to a whore and fuck them whenever I please… but this isn’t for _my_ pleasure – not entirely anyways.” He was rubbing circles over your clit, making you shiver in pleasure once again.

 

“You could you be so brutal? I know for a fact it’s not genetic.” You said, biting your bottom lip as you could feel yourself growing wetter, no matter how hard you tried not to. Ren gave out a loud snort, hooking one finger to the hem of your underwear and pulling it down.

 

“You clearly haven’t met Ben Solo’s mother.” Ren said, dipping his fingers in your juices. You sealed your lips shut and looked away, trying your best not to moan as he lazily formed circled in your clit. You tilted your head back and clutched your tied arms together, panting heavily as he slipped a finger inside you. “I have only done this twice, but you always seem to be dripping for me.”

 

“It’s purely a biological reaction. Trust me… when… I say this… you are… repulsive.” You breathed out as he pumped a single finger inside you. You rested your head against the sofa handle as you could feel him kissing your neck. It was a strange new sensation, almost seemed personal and sentimental – but it felt good. He withdrew his lips and his finger, sucking his digit while making the lewdest noises. You wrinkled your nose in disgust and scowled. This was a new type of hell you were living in.

 

“You taste scrumptious.” He said, bringing his face closer to your intimate area. You felt your legs tremble as your heart plunged to your stomach when his nose hit your outer lips. You didn’t have the strength to look, so you shut your eyes and turned away, but snapped them open when you felt something hot and wet against your cunt. He parted your outer lips using his fingers and ran his tongue across your slit, making you gasp with the sudden contact. “You are liking this, aren’t you?” he asked against you, his lips closing around your sensitive clit. You mind was racing with chain of insults, but you were unable to deliver any of them. In response you found yourself whimpering as your vulnerability submitted to him again.

 

Satisfied with your reaction, Kylo nibbled your clit, making you blatantly moan. He gripped onto your thighs and brought your closer as his mouth dived into you, his tongue thrusting in and out of you. Your head dropped on the handle as your senses began to lose control. All you could think about was how good this felt. You bit on your bottom lip and rubbed your cunt against his face without you even realizing it. “Hmmm… what, no!” You jerked back, but he gripped onto your thighs tighter, gulping down your juices hungrily.

 

Your bottom lip quivered as mixed emotions washed over you – your body needed more of what he was doing, but you felt like crying from humiliation. You gripped onto the sofa cushions tightly and overtly wailed again, each time growing louder as your walls pulsed around his tongue. Why did this have to feel so good? Why couldn’t you do anything to stop making it feel so good. Never have you felt so helpless before, not even when you were running away from the Knights of Ren.

 

Kylo moaned over your cunt, causing vibrations that were making you feel even more on edge. “You want to come don’t you?” He asked, flickering at your overly-sensitive clit. You sealed your lips in a thin line and whimpered, shaking your head in protest.

 

“No you fucking bantha shit!” You shouted out, his tongue teasing you in the most torturous manner. Your cheeks flustered as he stopped tongue-fucking you. This was much more painful than you could imagine. He held your thighs apart so you couldn’t even rub from friction, and your arms bounds behind you. You dropped your head in frustration and tears began to roll down your eyes. You once again didn’t have the Force to relieve you… and you had no choice but to beg. You couldn’t beg, not again.

 

“Still resisting me?” He asked, his voice dripping with mockery. Your lips trembled as you sobbed shamelessly, unable to retain your emotions. As soon as so began to feel calmer, he grazed his fingers against your clit once again, bringing back your arousal in full.

 

“I… will, ahhh… always… resist.” You splurged out, your mind going numb from the desperation for release.

 

“All you have to say is please.” He whispered to your ear, lightly biting onto your earlobe, slowly teasing you by sucking your neck once again.

 

“N-ple…please…” You pleaded, tears of your shame soaking your face. His tongue delved in you again, his tongue flapping you wildly. Your practically screamed as you came, your body shaking wildly. You couldn’t believe you let that happen again – nothing could possibly be more belittling than this. Your blood fumed with anger, boiling inside you.

 

“That wasn’t so hard, now was it?” Ren asked, soothing out your plastered hair.

 

Your reflexes made your right leg shoot up and kick him straight in the gut. Ren shot back in pain as he held up his hand, his lips pursed in concentration. You felt a grinding pressure in your windpipe, depriving you of oxygen. You choked, trying to breathe as he Force-choked you harder. “All I wanted was a taste… do you prefer to be punished?”

 

“You vile, vicious, disgusting… _e chu ta_!” You spat, trying to crawl your way out of the sofa. You concentrated on the Force, maybe you could snap out of the cuffs; but you also knew you didn’t need the Force to fight Ren… as long as he didn’t have the lightsaber. “Are you really so desperate to keep me away from the light that you would sink to such lecherous behavior! You can feel the strong pull towards the Light Side again can’t you?” You shouted back, punching his face with your free hand.

 

Kylo Ren spat out the blood from his mouth, his eyebrows quivering with anger. He held his hand out and pushed you with the Force, making you slam your head against the hard metal wall. You crashed down on the floor and shakily reached for your forehead as blood trickled down from it. “You of all people should know this, the Dark Side always topples the Light!” Kylo Ren shouted as he summoned his lightsaber. He ignited the burning blade and placed it inches from your neck, enough for you to feel the heat radiating off of it. You arched your back and stared right into his eyes, which were now burning yellow.

 

“You of all people should know… at the end, the Light Side brings you out of the Dark.” You said, your voice soft. “No matter how hard you try – You can’t ever completely give in to the Dark... it’s just not in your blood.” Kylo brought the blade another inch closer to your neck, almost letting it sizzle against your skin.

 

“You are wrong. What Skywalker told you about Darth Vader was all a lie.” He gritted through his teeth, his eyes returning back to its normal dark brown color. You closed your eyes, mentally begging him to strike you down right there.

 

“As hard it is for me to say this… I can still sense the Light in you.” You said, your eyes still closed. You drew in a deep breath, your mind and body perfectly at peace after such a long time – you were ready to be one with the Force. You thought Ren would strike you down for sure now but you were forced to snap your eyes open when you heard the door to his quarters open.

 

“Ren!” A harsh voiced boomed in the room. You cocked your head to the side and saw the ginger General you met yesterday – his nostrils flared in anger. “We are meant to keep her alive!” Kylo turned his lightsaber off and balled his fists tightly, glaring at the General.

 

“I know what we are supposed to do!” he shouted in response.

 

“She has not even been here a day, and _this_ already happened.” General Hux remarked, pointing to the wrecked apartment and your bloody bandages. “You are clearly incompetent of being in charge of her.” The General took his overcoat off and handed it to you. You reluctantly took the coat off, looking between the two males and _feeling_ their tension even though you weren’t connected with the Force.

 

“She isn’t going anywhere with you. I am still in charge of her.” Ren hissed, his dark eyes smoldering with wrath.

 

“She is when you almost killed her. You need a few days to recuperate.” The General said calmly, extending his hand out to you. Looking at Kylo Ren, a small smile spread on your face as you took the General’s hand, gaining the satisfaction of Ren’s misery. General Hux calmly led you out of the Knights apartment, leading you presumably towards his personal quarters. Walking through the busy hallways, you were once again the center of attention – Stormtroopers and officers alike pointing at either your bandages, or your flimsy outfit. Your cheeks once again burned with shame as you ducked your head and walked bustling corridors. After possibly walking miles barefoot, you and the General finally arrived your new destination.

 

“I can assure you, this stay is going to be much more pleasant than that with Ren… he can be a bit, insufferable.” Hux said, leading you into his apartment. From what you sensed about the General yesterday, you knew that wasn’t entirely true.

 

You ducked your head and scoffed slightly, following his gaze as he stepped inside. “I highly doubt that General.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget you leave your comments and thoughts (and questions if you have any) :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You finally get your Force-suppressing cuffs off, during which time you use the Force to dive into the Generals head. You discover that General Hux is much more cruel than Kylo Ren, something you thought was impossible.

You looked down at the Force-suppressing bracelets, feeling them burn through your skin. The ability of using the Force being taken away from you was worse than losing the ability to walk. You impatiently tugged on the cuffs again, but it seemed like they were sealed permanently. Ten hours without the Force was maddening enough; you couldn’t bear to believe that it may be like this forever. You wanted to yank all your hair out and drive your lightsaber to every object in the room. You were so consumed by your own frustrations that you didn’t even realize the General was observing you.

 “You want me to take those off?” He asked, his hands clasped behind his back.

 “You can put me in regular shackles, if you are afraid I will chop your head off, but please take these off…” You asked softly, looking down at yourself. You thought you were a mess when you were hiding in the forests of Takodana – looking at yourself now, you would gladly trade place with your past self.

 “Are they painful? What does it feel like, not being able to connect with, the _Force_?” he asked. He wasn’t mocking you, his question was derived from genuine curiosity. You blew out a sharp breath, once again derailed that you were incapable of sensing his emotions or reading his intentions. He was being a gentleman; which you _knew_ he wasn’t. For now, you decided to go along with whatever game he was playing with you.

 “It’s crippling.” You said, trying not to show how vulnerable you truly were. “We feel the Force going through us, binding within us. We feel the Force flow amongst all living things… not being able to feel that is worse than being paralyzed.” You said, your energy draining out. He reached out and took your wrists, examining the bracelets.

 “How do these even work?” He inquired, looking down at the cuffs with fascination. He gloved fingers lightly grazed over your skin, making the hairs in the back of your neck stand.

 “Those stones, they are a special kind of kyber crystal. It has the ability to block the connection of a Force-sensitive with the Force.” You answered, your breathing shortening. As a Jedi, your stamina was much higher than that of a regular person… and now, you were being drained of all your energy. “Is that enough of a history lesson?” you asked harshly.

 Hux trailed around the cuffs again, chuckling to himself. He found the latch to unhook the bracelets, but looked at you before unclipping them. “What’s my guarantee that you won’t just lash out and try to kill me?” He asked, his face filled with amusement.

 “You are unarmed; I am not going to kill you.” You replied truthfully.

 “But you are going to try and harm me, yes?” he asked, flashing you his perfect white teeth. You rolled your eyes, completely fatigued, and proceeded to answer his questions.

 “Your apartment is bulletproof. If I manage to knock you out and make my way out of the door, a silent alarm will be triggered and a special elite squad will be dispatched my way immediately. They are, I am assuming, order to shoot me on sight if they pursue me. If I try to break your apartment windows and climb down, motion sensors will be triggered and the snipers placed in the west and southwest towers facing your apartment would immediately shoot me down. So no, I will not harm you.” You replied coldly. The General’s grin grew wider, clearly impressed with your observations.

 “I understand why it was so difficult to find you. You haven’t even been in here for five minutes.” He remarked, snapping your cuffs off. You felt as if the weight of the galaxy was removed from your shoulders, finally being able to breathe properly again. You smiled, completely relieved you were able to rekindle with the Force once again, you almost thought you would hug him.

 “My Master trained me well.” You said, trying to probe his mind. He had his agenda, that’s for sure… he was a cruel man who would do absolutely anything to succeed – but _you_ weren’t necessarily _his_ success; you were Kylo Ren’s success. You saw the redhead walk to his closet and pull out clothes from it, handing them to you. You unfolded the pieces of clothes, washing over with relief. It was a simple pair of loose ripped shorts and a t-shirt – something that actually covered you.

 “Tattered seemed to be your style.” He noted, pointing to the direction of the fresher. You slung the clothes over your arm and smiled politely. “You may use the fresher to take a shower.”

 “The ripped clothes weren’t necessarily my choice.” You replied, walking inside the bathroom. You felt so much calmer and collected after the cuffs came off you. You shut the door behind you, turning your gaze to the mirror. You wanted to crawl out of your own skin and bury yourself deep within the earth. Never have you felt so insecure about your appearance. To let alone think that the man who killed your entire family, had sexual fantasies about you – that he took your virginity without consent… that he made you have your very first orgasm, and there was absolutely nothing you could do. It was so hard not to _hate_ him; but everything boiled down to one simple truth – hate lead to the Dark Side.

You understood Ren was doing what he was on purpose – simply to prove his inferiority to the Dark Side. It wasn’t something he necessarily enjoyed… you could sense it, even from the other end of the base. You could sense Ren’s emotions much more clearly now… he was helpless, desperately trying to latch onto the Dark. It was pitiful really, seeing how desperate he was to submit himself to the Dark side, even though the Light kept pulling him back. You knew what you had to do in order to bring him back to the light… but it wasn’t going to be an easy task.

As much as you didn’t want to, you needed to go back to Ren’s quarters. But first, you had to get through with the General. This man, if he had the choice, would not think twice about striking you down. You had no real value to the General. It seemed as if another powerful Force-sensitive was a burden to him. You didn’t know who made you more uneasy, General Hux or Kylo Ren. You slowly peeled your clothes off and stepped into the shower, turning the nozzle to the coldest temperature. You let the water run down your burning skin; but no matter long you let the water run, nothing made you feel clean. You took out the soap and loofa and kept on scrubbing your skin, hoping to clean off some parts tainted skin. Nothing could remove all the horror that has been inflicted on you – no coating of soap is going to protect you any further. You pushed your back against the tiled wall and slid down, wrapping your arms around your knees. You didn’t know if tears were spilling out your eyes – you just rocked back and forth, delaying time to resume reality.

“L/N, you have been in there awful long!” Hux shouted, knocking on the door loudly.

“Fuck off!” You shouted in response, brushing off the mixture of tears and water. After possibly hours of soaking yourself under the icy cold water, you finally gained the strength to walk out of the shower and dry yourself off. Your skin was wrinkled from staying under the water for so long. You hastily put on your new clothes and saw your reflection on the mirror once again – your nose blushing red and your lips swollen from crying.

You opened the door to the fresher and found General Hux sitting in the sofa, a stack of datapads piled next to him. “You are having a bad day.” He mumbled through his datapads. You scoffed and shook your wet hair, brushing them back.

“What gave you that idea?” you asked sarcastically, taking a seat in the floor and crossing your legs.

“There is a perfectly comfortable seat right here you know.” He said, still his full attention on the datapads.

“I need to meditate.” You said, closing your eyes, taking in a sharp breath. You heard him drop the datapad on the sofa and come closer to you, taking a seat directly behind you.

“Surely you don’t plan on meditating the whole day now, do you?” He asked, his voice hinting flirtation. You cocked your eyebrows and sensed the erotic images he was broadcasting. You turned your head and gave him and gave him an amused chuckle.

“You have a Jedi fetish?” You asked. This was the last thing you were expecting from a First Order member. The General sat back uncomfortably, slightly embarrassed by your intrusion. “All the while it is flattering, I am not going to have sex with you.” You turned and closed your eyes again.

“What makes you think I am interested in fucking a Jedi?” The General spat. A small smile crooked at the side of your lips. The General does not like being challenged. You rose from the floor and took a seat in the sofa next to him, reading into him further.

“Your emotions are as transparent as glass.” You said chuckling. “You were broadcasting. Just like you were broadcasting your hatred for Kylo Ren.”

“Guess we have a common enemy.” He said, pouring himself a glass of brandy. He offered you some, which you politely declined. You were not planning on getting drunk with a man who wanted to flip you over on his lap and spank you – and for some reason, that aroused you.

“Yes, we are enemies, but I don’t hate him, unlike you. That’s why you feel I am a burden… another useless Force user.” You commented, pushing back your wet hair from your face. The General took another long sip of his drink, a small smirk appearing on his face.

“I don’t believe you are a burden – I know you are of great use, politically.” Hux said, scooting closer to you. You straightened your back and smiled coldly. “And I get the sense that you are going to be much easier to work with then Ren.”

“I’m still not going to have sex with you.” You said, keeping your gaze perfectly still. “Neither do I have any interest working with you. I saw your visions for destroying the Republic, and crushing the Resistance. You are a barbaric, cruel man.” Hux began to scoot closer to you, his cold lips pressing against your ear.

“Like I said, you are very observant.” Hux whispered harshly. He wanted to do things – you could clearly sense that he did, but he was too calculative to do anything now. “I know I cannot condition to turn you to the Dark Side… I am no Force user, that is, at the end of the day Ren’s job.”

“I can assure you, both of you are going to fail miserably.” You said, not moving your face. “You two are too busy completing each other for dominance and power to even realize what you are losing on the way.” You could sense the General’s temper spiking, even though he did a better job of hiding it than Ren did. His cheeks grew as bright of a red as his hair, lightly balling his fists and releasing them. Hux was about to speak up when something furry crawled onto your lap. You looked down and found a cat – a caramel furry creature, looking up with its olive green eyes at you and purring.

“She likes you.” He said as the cat curled up to your belly. “Her name is Millicent.” He said, taking another sip of his brandy. You wrinkled your nose and pushed the cat off your lap, brushing the shredded fur off your skin.  

“It has a name?” You asked bitterly. Even though Jedi were meant to respect all living of the Force, but you hated cats.

“You don’t like cats?” Hux asked. He was growing more intrigued by you, and it was unnerving as you could sense his growing attraction towards you. “I feel there is a story behind this.”

“When I was a youngling in the Academy, my master took the apprentices to a scavenging hunt. I mistakenly stepped on a cat while I was fighting the opposing team, and the vicious beast clawed my legs bloody.” You said, pointing to the fading scars around your ankles.

“You stepped on it, it was simply being defensive.” Hux chuckled, petting his cat as it crawled onto his lap.

“It didn’t feel very defensive. It got infected because our transport wouldn’t arrive for a week.” You smiled to yourself – remembering your time in the Jedi Academy. Even the worst of memories from your childhood was revering… every single moment of it. Now all those memories were nothing but a remembrance of darkness and death, and all these people were gone… except Master Skywalker. You needed to meditate and attempt to reconnect with him, even though you knew it would be quite impossible. You smile faded as you looked down and fidgeted your fingers nervously as all your painful memories flashed in front of your eyes.

“You do hate him, don’t you?” Hux inquired. “He took everything away from you – your friends, your teachers… your family.” You dropped your gaze and continued to fidget your digits. You should hate him… but you didn’t, no matter how hard he tried to make you hate him.

“I pity him. I pity him because he is so desperate to prove that he is a better Dark Force user than his grandfather was… and you use that opportunity puppet him around as much as you want to.” You said coldly, staring right into his icy blue eyes. His anger began to spike again as he flicked his tongue against his teeth, frustrated you were getting under his skin. You smiled curtly and ducked your head when you felt his shackling your arms.

“You clearly need disciplining.” He hissed, gripping onto your jaw. His fingers callously traced over your lips, drawing his face closer to yours. “That’s quite a dirty mouth you have… lovely, but dirty.” His words made you shiver, his mixed emotions making it unclear for you to know what he was going to do next. He pulled you over to him, flipping you over on your stomach on his lap.

His hands slowly caressed your ass over the short shorts you were wearing. “That’s a really nice ass you have.” He said, pulling your shorts up so he could get a better view of your cheeks. “I have wanted to spank this since I first saw you yesterday.” His palm landed straight on your left butt cheek, making it sting. You flinched in pain and tried to wiggle away from him when he gripped your waists tightly.

“You lunatic, deviant _chutta_! Let me go!” You shouted, trying to pry your way out of his grasp.

“Or what? Are you going to hurt me?” he mocked, smacking your right cheek with equal force. “I thought Jedi can’t kill unarmed men.” He hissed, smacking your ass three more times. You winced in pain as your cheeks burned with each smack.

“Don’t tempt me you depraved asshole!” You screamed again. He smacked your ass with much more force, practically bringing you to the brink of tears with each hit. After fifteen smacks, he pulled your shorts back in place and rubbed over your reddened ass, pressing onto the heated skin, causing you to hiss in discomfort.

“I am not here to make you feel good, unlike Ren. Beware to cross me next time, _Jedi_.” He was right, he wasn’t here to make you feel good – this was all about his sick pleasures, and just another attempt to humiliate you… not break you. You got an opportunity to sit up, even though your ass was still burning.

“I wish to go back to Ren’s quarters.” You gritted through your teeth. A malicious grin crept on his face, his hand finding your ass and cupping them again.

“It was time for you to go back anyways. Today’s the first day of your lesson. I will have a Stormtrooper escort you.” He said, giving your ass a tight squeeze. “This is not our last meeting F/N.”

“You ghoulish, pathetic piece of shit.” You spat. You got up to your feet as the Stormtrooper came in to take you back to Kylo’s apartment. After your personal encounter with the two most powerful men in the First Order, you knew there was a major difference between them. General Hux was perfectly in control of his intentions, and he was rotten inside out. As for Ren, he was blinded by deceitful lies, tricked into committing heinous crimes simply to exert power – but Kylo Ren could still be saved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just to make things clear, this fic is going to be a hardcore, consensual romance between Reader and Kylo Ren. Hux is just here to spice shit up and whatever he will do, will purely be for his pleasure - Ren won't ever do that... you'll know why soon enough.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren makes you really confused as to what he exactly is.

Your cheeks were still bright red, just like your ass was from the painful spanking from General Hux. You couldn’t believe you were spanked – corporal punishment, let alone one with sexual and deviant undertones, was considered almost a _sin_ in the Academy. You thought your face was going into a permanent scowl. Then you sensed something interesting. From your knowledge, you knew Stormtroopers were reconditioned for fighting; but you could sense your escorts conflicts. He was unsure of his purpose, the reason why he was fighting for the First Order. You lifted you chin up and came closer to the Stormtrooper.

“What’s your name?” You asked enthusiastically. He shifted uncomfortably at your question and looked at you through his helmet.

“First Order troopers aren’t issued names, just numbers.” He said nervously. You could sense his anxiety and confusion increase, and slight fear towards you.

“That is inhumane, just like everything about this establishment.” You scowled. You sensed his swirl of emotions, his own opinions contradicting each other. “Jedi aren’t harmful you know; you don’t need to fear me.” You said gently. He turned his head again, this time startled that you sensed his emotions, and looked around nervously.

“It’s true… you _are_ a Jedi!” he exclaimed. Your smile grew wider at his excitement, knowing that he was probably the only Stormtrooper who would react to your identity this way. This one was different… the Force acted strangely around him; as if he was Force-sensitive, which was highly unlikely.

“You are different, FN-2187.” You said politely. “Different for the better.” You could sense his insecurity surge in – this trooper didn’t fit in; he knew he was different and it wasn’t something he wanted.

“How did you know my identity number?” He asked, pacing the speed of his walking. You smiled again, looking around at the other troopers who were looking at you curiously, ranges of emotions emitting off of them. You took the time to observe the base too, and it was highly secure – there was no way you could slip in on your own and steal a transport.

“I think it would be best if you don’t lurk around Kylo Ren too much. He’s Force-sensitive too.” You said as you approached Ren’s apartment again. “It’s for your own good.” The door to Ren’s apartment opened, and you found him sitting inside a room alone, possibly meditating. He didn’t acknowledge your presence, but kept on talking… he was talking to someone. You slowly crept up closer to the room, and noticed he was holding an object. When you realized what he was holding, a lump rose in your throat, your limbs shaky. So came up closer to him, almost touching his back.

“Don’t you know it’s rude to interrupt someone’s meditation.” He said through his helmet, his voice usual mechanic. You nervously curled your hair with your fingers – his emotions were much more readable than it was before, almost as if he was letting you in. You sensed fear, uncertainty… guilt.

“You took the helmet of Vader, from the Temple – why?” You asked, taking a step back when he rose from his chair, and placed the helmet on a pile of ashes. You eyed the ashes curiously from afar.

“Those are the ashes of my enemies.” He said, reading your mind. You flinched and took a step back from the alter, not wanting it anywhere near your vicinity. “And it’s none of your concern.” He said, his arms awkwardly slumped on his sides.

“You’re sorry for how you treated me this morning.” You said, moving so you could face his cold metallic helmet. You noticed he was trying to put up his mental shields, but wasn’t succeeding.

“Don’t flatter yourself F/N.” He said, moving out of the room, his cape fluttering behind him. He stopped in his tracks and turned around as you sensed a surge of anger radiating off of him. “Did he hurt you?” he asked, his back completely stiff. This question threw you off completely.

You arched your eyebrows and leaned in against the door frame. “Why do you care?” You asked defensively, your humiliation from Hux’s punishment coming back in full. Your cheeks burned again, wanting to scream on the top of your lungs. Ren moved closer to you, almost leaning in, but stopped before coming too close.

“He won’t hurt you like that again.” He said, his mental shields strong enough now to completely block you. You gulped nervously and tried to read him.

“Am I only here to be abused by you then?” you challenged, crossing your arms across your chest. Ren moved closer to you, his body now completely pressed against yours, his helmet hitting your cheeks. You leaned your head back and rested it against the door frame, looking at his expressionless helmet.

“What I do to you isn’t abuse. You like it.” He said monotonously. You balled your fists and flared your nostrils.

“You are disgusting.” You spat, gritting through your teeth. He remained close to you, his body heat pressed against you. He cocked his head to the side and reached for his com-link.

“How long has it been since you had a proper meal?” He asked, looking at you.

“Ten years.” You replied almost immediately. It’s true, it has been almost ten years since you had a _proper_ meal – you survived the past ten years on hunting small animals and catching fish from streams… it’s like you almost forgot what cooked food tastes like. Ren turned his com-link on and ordered food to be brought to his quarters. “I’m not hungry.” You scoffed coldly.

“I need you alive F/N.” He said coldly, moving away from you to open the door to his quarters. A protocol droid entered with a cart full of food. The mouthwatering smells hit your nostrils, almost making you salivate. How long has it been since you saw food like this? Throughout your time on the run, you hunted enough to keep you alive, provide you with the proper nutrients… but this, you forgot what cooked meals looked like. You found yourself anxiously taking a seat next to Ren on the sofa, eyeing the food hungrily. You wanted to claw the food with your hands, but they were tied to your back. Ren watched you throw your head back on the cushions, tears rolling down your eyes.

“Open.” He orders, bringing a piece of meat close to your mouth. You didn’t hesitate to open your mouth so take in the food, chewing the spicy mean enthusiastically. He brought another piece of meat to your mouth, which your gulped down quickly. This whole time he just watched you eat, not saying a word. You didn’t mind that he wasn’t talking – it helped you pretend that he wasn’t there. You didn’t even know what you were eating, but it tasted like heaven in your mouth. Within minutes you finished an entire meal, but your stomach still craved more. You looked over at Ren as he reached for another dish, opening it to reveal a large piece of chocolate cake. Chocolate cake was your favorite, and it has been ten years since you had any. You lightly sniffled again as he brought a piece to your mouth.

“I remembered, it used to be your favorite.” He said through his helmet, feeding you the cake. “You stole my piece once in the cafeteria.” He said, feeding you another piece. You smiled at the memory, remembering how you used to get in trouble for sneaking in extra food.

“You never finished yours, it was perfectly good cake.” You replied, hoping your hands were free so you could eat the food faster.

“You never really had manners.” He said through his voice-corder. The cakes silky texture danced inside your mouth, filling you with a hopeful satisfaction you lost long ago. You don’t know how much you ate, but you were finally full enough to go into a food coma.

“At least I am not a murderous sociopath.” You scoffed, leaning back against the chair. He cocked his head to the side, releasing a light chuckle, which sounded strange through his helmet. He drew his body closer to yours, putting an arm around your waist.

“Is that all you think I am?” He asked, his helmet pressing close to you once again. It was strange, and unsettling that you were getting used to the touch of his helmet against your skin – that’s something that should not happen. You tilted your head back so you could get a better view of his mask, and stared through the pitch-black visor.

“No, I know there’s more in you – but your murderous sociopathic side suppresses it.” You replied softly. He moved back slightly.

“Your initial speculation was right; I am a murderous sociopath.” He abruptly stood up and went for his closet, pulling out your lightsaber from it. He threw you the lightsaber and pulled you up from the chair. “It’s been a while since you last sparred.” He said, leading you out of the apartment. He hooked your lightsaber to your waist and lead you through the corridors of the base again. Every time you step out into the base, people look at you as if you are some sort of unknown shiny object – a subject of total mystery. They were eyeing you more curiously since your lightsaber was clipped to your waist.

He led you inside a glass room with mat flooring – it was a training room. He undid your shackles and you were left completely defensive and armed. You could strike him down right now… you had the chance. But you gripped onto your lightsaber and let it hang. “You can ignite it; I know you are dying to do so.” Ren took out his lightsaber and ignited it, while you unclipped your and ignited it. The dark room shot up with the reflections of light green and red, clashing against each other. “I understand you might be a little rusty now, even though you were equal to me when we were apprentices.”

“What makes you think I’m rusty Ben?” You asked as you circled him slowly.

“Are you challenging me?” He asked mockingly. He reached his hand up unclipped his helmet, throwing it down on the ground. “Tell you what, we are going to fight in three rounds. Whoever gets the majority, gets a prize.” He said slowly, his black attire blending in perfectly with the surrounding.

“What do I get if I win?” You asked, swinging your soft green lightsaber to your side. A small smile rose on his face as he came closer to you.

“You get your own room.” He said. Your eyes widened by his proposal. You knew you were rusty, but you also knew the weaknesses Kylo Ren had – if he still had those weaknesses, that is. You needed your own room at night, somewhere far from his touch.

“But if I win…” he said, his hands trailing up to caress your lips. “I want you to suck my cock with that pretty mouth of yours.” You widened your eyes and flinched away from his touch.

“Put that thing in my mouth and I will bite it right off.” You shouted positioning your lightsaber. He brought his lightsaber in attack position as well, sensing his arousal from your threats.

“I have gotten inside your head this morning F/N… the way you were seeing my naked body. I know you unconsciously thought about it.” He said, his voice perfectly steady. His eyes trailed along your outline once again, stopping your face again. “If you make me feel good, I am going to make you come so hard you will forget your own name.”

“That’s not going to happen.” You said as you struck at him. He twirled his lightsaber by his side and blocked your blow and swung it to hit you, which you quickly blocked off. You used you backhand and blocked another one of his blows, letting the Force do its work. You flipped over and kept moving as fast as you could, knowing that he used to have a problem with speed. Luckily, he still did, you were always faster than him – but he was always stronger than you. Blocking his blows required work. No doubt he has mastered Form IV lightsaber fighting, whereas you used the calculative form I Shii’oh and Vapid technique, and aggressive fighting technique invented by your ancestor, your grandfather Jedi Master Mace Windu. You twirled around him again, in which he used to back hand you and disarm you. It was a stupid mistake and you knew it, and this mistake just cost you the first round. You had to win the other two.

“You were always unpredictable, but you like showing off your Vapid techniques.” He said, as you stood up and took your position again. This time you decided to use Form II, which threw him off completely. You were just blocking his blows and saving energy as you twirled and flipped around him in lightning speed. You were hoping that this would tire your opponent out, which it did. You used this opportunity to strike him from the back and disarm him, pushing him off on the floor. He looked up at you, completely baffled by his defeat, and gritted his teeth together as you both panted for air. You knew you couldn’t use the same thing again – both of you were at a tie now, and you needed to win.

“You are brash, and your blows completely derived from strength, not calculation. You need to rely on the Force more instead your own personal skills.” You said as he slowly got up to his feet, gripping onto his lightsaber as he ignited it again. He launched at you, fuming with anger when you began to blow his strikes. His blows were much more forceful than his previous ones, clearly showing his frustration for losing to you. Your arms were beginning to become sore from blocking his blows, making you tired as he pursued with much more strength, calling on the Dark Side. You gritted your teeth together and focused on the Force to bring you energy. You had him in his back hand again, flipping over him before he could even swing his lightsaber. A satisfied smirk rose on your face when he froze you using the Force, pulling your lightsaber from your hand. He unfroze you and clipped your lightsaber to his belt, a mischievous smile on his face.

“You cheated asshole!” you screamed, crumbling onto your knees. There was no way you were going to pleasure him, you couldn’t. But you knew you couldn’t provoke him further either. You pursed your lips shut as tears streamed down your eyes in defeat. “You can’t make me.” Kylo Ren knelt next to you, slowly trailing his fingers through your hair.

“Nothing is fair F/N.” he said as he waved his hand in front of your eyes. “You will pleasure me with your mouth.” He said, looking deep into your eyes. You gritted your teeth and shut your eyes, trying not to comply with his command.

“N-no…no!” you shouted out. He waved his hand and repeated his command until your control finally gave in “I… I will pleasure you with my mouth.” You repeated robotically. He took a seat in the bench and pulled out his already hardened cock. You hastily took his length on your right hand while you cupped his nut-sack with the other. A grunt of pleasure escaped his lips when you ran your tongue across his head, tasting his precum. You took his whole head in your mouth and began to suck, slowly bobbing your head lower so you could take more. It was painful for your jaws to adjust to his girth. You began to suck up and down, running your tongue over his pulsing veins. He petted your head as your head bobbed up and down, taking turns to suck on one of testicles.

“You’re a natural at this F/N. Fuck that’s a nice mouth.” He said as he gripped your hair and head your head steady. He began jerking his hips and thrusted his cock into your mouth, letting the tip of his tip hit your throat. You groaned in discomfort as he held you in place using the Force. He began fucking your throat in earnest, although not completely merciless. He reached his hand under your shirt and pinched your nipples, making you moan around his dick. “yeah, I told you that you would like it.” He pulled his cock from your mouth, leading a trail of your saliva as you panted for air. You looked up as him as he reached up to you lips to wipe them off delicately.

“You’re a crass piece of shit.” You mumbled as he gripped you by your waist, taking your shirt off. He chuckled at your comment and reach to unclasp your bra, leaving you bare chested.

“I did make you a promise. You are going to screaming my name by the time I am done with you.” He said, kneading your nipples and rolling them around your gloved fingers. You shut your eyes and moaned as pleasure rippled through your body as he began sucking at one of your nipples, running his tongue across your sensitive tip. He dropped you on the floor, and sucked on your neck, kissing your jaw. You closed your eyes, pretending it wasn’t him that was doing this, that is was someone else. Your lips parted in a ‘o’ when he reached down to your breasts again, sucking softly.

You balled your fist and arched your back to him, your mind completely blank as pleasure shook your body. You felt him undo your shorts and kiss down your stomach. You didn’t understand him – how could he be so cruel and gentle at the same time. He kissed your hipbones gently, taking off your underwear, which was already soaking wet.

“I see you are already soaked for me F/N.” he said as he ran his tongue across your slit. You snapped your eyes open as he made your body shake in delight.

“Pleas-pleah, just stt-stop…” you stammered as he kissed his way up your body again. You looked into his dark amber-hued eyes, mixed with black pits – his pupils dilated and his breathing heavy from arousal.

“Trust me.” He whispered as he lined himself up in your entrance. He slowly pushed himself in, filling you up. He was much bigger inside – it didn’t hurt; it was just very filling. A light moan escaped your lips as he grunted above you. “Fucking Force, you are so tight and slick.” He mumbled as he began to thrust slowly so you could adjust. You rolled your head back and moaned again, because there was no denying how good this felt. He began to move faster as you rocked your hips involuntarily with his movements. he grasped onto your waist pushed down deeper, causing you to yelp in pleasure. “moan my name.” he ordered, waving his hand in front of your eyes.

“Hmmm… Kylo…” you said breathlessly as he began to rock faster, kissing your jaw and nipping your earlobe in the most delightful manner.

“More.” He grunted as he thrusted harder, making your walls close around him and throb.

“Kylo! Ye…yes!” you shouted, your nails scratching on the ground. He panted harder as he began to thrust wildly, making your body jerk as you could feel coming close. He checked your reaction to see what you reacted to the most, as his cock skillfully maneuvered to your g-spot, making your muscles go numb.

“You feel so good around me, it’s like you were meant for my cock.” He whispered, driving you closer to your climax. You didn’t know if you moaned in protest or agreement, but you kept wailing shamelessly. You practically screamed as you came, feeling you created a mess. Your body jerked in spasm as your vision whitened, panting hard for oxygen. He slowly pulled out of you, your insides filled with his hot cum.

“Why… just why?” You asked breathlessly, a single teardrop rolling down your eye. Instead of answering you, he cupped your cheeks and pressed his soft lips against yours, which made you close your eyes and return the kiss with equal passion for reasons you have yet to discover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted the reader to have like a really powerful ancestry - and today my brother sent me a theory saying that Mace Windu didn't die, which in my head makes perfect sense cuz do you really think one of the most powerful Jedi would die because someone chopped off his hand and pushed him out of the window? like no. Its a pipular theory now that he did survive Order 66 and went into hiding afterwards (but knowing Windu it's highly unlikely he will have kids, but this is my imagination and rules do apply so).  
> I also feel Finn is Force-sensitive, which just makes the whole thing a lot more fun.  
> COMMENT


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren is still unsuccessful at turning you to the Dark Side, which lands him with a bad day with the Supreme Leader. TRIGGER WARNING, hate sex, but lots of feels at the end.

It has been a few months since you last felt fresh air. You sat crossed-legged outside, snuggling into your faux fur jacket, letting the air fog with your breath. Why were you so at peace? Sitting here now, you didn’t remember what situation you were in… you were still in the hands of the enemy, constantly battling them and yourself to fight the Dark Side. But for the past few months, you could feel Light again. There has been an awakening – you could feel it so clearly. You felt your Stormtrooper escort shift behind you, his mind confused and curious all at the same time. You popped one of your eye open and gestured him to come sit in front of you. The Galaxy truly is a marvelous place, because you never thought you would find a friend in a Stormtrooper.

“What is it that you wish to know?” You asked him, rubbing your hands together to keep them warm. He looked around the snowy terrain nervously and looked back at you.

“Can Force users find anything out about people’s past?” He asked you cautiously. He truly was a unique case, and it was evident that none of the reconditioning programs worked on him. You cocked your head to the side, reading into his thoughts and smiled softly.

“You wish to know about your family.” You stated. You pursed your lips together and concentrated on the Force. “I can only help you remember events you have already witnessed… I’m sorry, but you were simply too young when you were taken from them.” You could feel his disappointment radiating around you.

“It’s okay… it’s worth the try.” He said grimly.

“I asked you to choose a name for yourself. What did you come up with?” You asked him, resting your chin against your palm.

“Nothing.” He replied bitterly as he stood up and threw a stone at the frozen creek, watching the stone create ripples in the water.

“How about Finn?” You asked, shoving snow off your lap. He turned around and crouched closer to you.

“Finn… I like that.” He said as he helped you off the ground. He began to lead you back inside when he stopped and turned around. You dug your feet deep into the snow as you walked, taking in the soothing beauty of Starkiller Base… something that is not meant to be associated with beauty. You have thought of the endless possibilities of escape – but so far you came up with none. This place was fortified like none other… not to mention your connection with Kylo Ren. You watched the Stormtrooper freeze in front of you when a black figure emerged from the white backdrop, carrying his cloaked figure heavily against the ground.

“Leave us.” He ordered as the Stormtrooper scurried away. Ren watched the Stormtrooper leave, following his gaze for the longest time. You prayed more than anything that Ren doesn’t discover his secret. “The Force is strange in him.” He noted as he walked past you, indicating you to follow him.

“Joy, you are making conversation.” You mumbled, hugging yourself to keep warm. He said nothing in response and just kept leading you deep into the forest, where the snow was growing deeper. You noticed your lightsaber hanging in his waist, next to his – and you knew why he was taking you in the middle of the forest… this was another ‘training’ session. Ren stopped in front of wooden cabin and turned around, throwing you your lightsaber. The lightsaber hummed in life as you turned it on, it’s soft green color blending in with the background   


“Attack me.” He ordered as he dropped his cloak.

“You don’t need to tell me twice.” You hissed as you as you launched at him, pressing your attack. You swung your lightsaber to the side and casually blocked his blows as you could feel him growing frustrated. “Rough day with the Supreme Leader?” you mocked as you struck him, which missed him by a few inches. He turned his lightsaber off, giving up sooner than most times and threw it down on the ground, his chest heaving as he balled his fists tightly. You turned yours off and watched him having another fit – which seemed to be a part of your everyday life now.

“What can’t you just give in! You are supposed to hate me! I killed everyone you have ever loved!”  he shouted through his mask, his voice-corder cracking with his loudness. You smiled at his lack of patience, finally feeling a sense of win after ten years of loss.

“I might have been a rebellious student, but I took my teachings very seriously.” You answered plainly, taking up a handful of snow. You smiled reminiscing the memories of the Temple… remembering all the times you had snow fights with the other students. You rubbed the cold, soft snow in between your fingers, letting it slowly crumble and melt under your warm touch. Kylo came closer to you, stopping only a few inches away.

“I am going to make you turn to the Dark Side F/N.” he said, forcefully taking off his helmet. You met his eyes, dark amber with spots of pitch black, his face brushed with determination.

“I am just as determined as you not to turn Ben.” You said smoothly, flicking the remaining snow to his cloak, turning around to walk away. He forcefully took your elbow, nudging you closer to his body.

“I could just kill you right now, just like I killed every single one of your friends.” he hissed – that was enough for you to click. You jerked your hand away and balled your fists tightly, landing it hard against his jaw. Kylo turned his head to the side and spit out blood into the snow, wiping off his mouth stiffly   


“I have told you a million times, just kill me already, you know I am ready to be one with the Force!” you shouted as Kylo Ren stood up straighter, grabbing your shoulders tightly again.

“You don’t deserve that mercy.” He spat, pushing you against the tree trunk. You closed your eyes as you could feel your anger rising again. You recited the Jedi Code in your head– the only thing that always calms you down. You looked at him, his eyes burning into yours. You needed him to be angry and unstable… and you knew what turned him that way.

“You weren’t under-loved you know, your parents loved you… they still do.” You said in your best soothing voice. Kylo tightened his grip around you as he flared his nostrils in anger. You pursed your lips tighter, not letting your smile slip. He drew his lips closer to your earlobes, letting his hot breath hit your frozen skin.

“I don’t have to kill you to ravage you F/N… surely you must have figured that out by now.” He whispered, sending a cold shiver run down your spine. You turned your head to face him, sensing the conflict in him again. The divide in him between the Light and Dark was highly unstable, both constantly fighting for dominance. You rested your head back against the and closed your eyes, knowing that you are going to regret the next thing you were about to say.

“I get the sense you really don’t want to hurt me. You do what you do because you have been ordered to… this isn’t you Ben.” You said quietly. Kylo crawled his finger around your neck and squeezed tightly, making you gasp for air.

“Is this your way of asking me for my cock?” he asked, unwrapping his fingers from around your neck. You stood up and spat on his face in response, which he wiped off with a smug grin. “I guess that’s a yes.” He took a hold of your waist and threw you on his shoulders, holding you tightly so you couldn’t kick. At this point, you didn’t even fight him when he took you to the bed, or wherever he wished he needed to fuck you – it almost seemed as if you complied. He made you feel so good, that you completely forgot what your purpose was. Sex was the only way Kylo Ren had you completely as his mercy… every time no matter how hard you tried.

“I get that you are frustrated; why can’t you just fuck a stretched Twi’lek who is more than eager to do this?” you shouted as he kicked down the door to the cabin and threw you down on the plush bed. You looked around the comfortable, wooden cabin, the fireplace crackling with soft flames. You had no idea what this cabin was, or what it was doing in Starkiller base… but it seemed so peaceful and serene – something that cannot be associated with the First Order.

“I already did… but then I realized I have a perfect tight pussy I would much rather fuck.” He said as he drew his lips and closed it over yours, thrusting his tongue inside you with dire urgency. You crooked your eyebrows as a strange new sensation hit you, sending surges of confusion through you. You used the Force to push him off, your hair completely disheveled.

“I am not your stress-relief toy _Ren_.” You said spitefully as you got off the bed. Kylo stopped you by grabbing your elbows and threw you back in the bed, pinning your arms to the side. You tried to jerk off his grip, but by now you knew all too well there was no use in resisting… neither did you _entirely_ want to resist. Recently sex between you and Kylo Ren as almost been consensual – no its actually been consensual. You tried your best not to think that you were fucking a monster you killed the entire Jedi Order, but instead thought it was Ben Solo, the star apprentice of the Order. You were too lost in thought to realize that you were broadcasting your feelings, earning a smug grin from Kylo.

“Seems as if _I_ am more of a stress-reliever for you F/N.” he said as he ferociously began to kiss your jaw and neck, sucking violently. You couldn’t help but moan at how good this felt, despite his roughness. You tangled your fingers in his thick black hair as he began kissing down your neck, dragging his teeth across your tender skin. He roughly ripped open your blouse and unhooked your bra, leaving you bare chested and desperate in front of him. “Fuck, this is always such a perfect sight.”

“You ghoulish bastard.” You moaned as he rolled your nipples around his thumbs, occasionally sucking and nipping.

“Look at you, begging for me; that’s not very Jedi-like.” He mumbled, with a nipple in between his teeth, giving it a harsh bite. You arched your back as a mixture of pain and pleasure rippled through you. Your breasts were always too sensitive and erogenous, helping Kylo Ren make you beg for him every time

“Shut the fuck up.” You whimpered as he dragged his teeth over your stomach, placing hungry kisses along your exposed skin. He reached for the waistband of your pants and ripped them off, with you completely naked underneath him while he was still fully clothed. He spread your thighs apart, a smirk peeking on his face. His fingers dipped into your juices, making squeaky noises toyed with your labia, only to show you how wet you were. You threw your head back and bit down on your bottom lip as he pulled your clit. Shame was a feeling that no longer worked for you.

“It’s like you are soaking every time you see me. Force you’re such a whore.” He said as he stuck three fingers inside you, making you wince with the sudden contact. Ren took no time as be began thrusting his thick fingers inside you relentlessly, your claws digging into the sheets as the pleasure was almost unbearable. “Look at that, always ready to come. You like coming for your enemy you little slut?” he gritted through his teeth, adding a fourth finger and scissoring you in earnest. You panted and moaned as loudly as you could, filling his hand with your juices. You were unable to speak as pleasure paralyzed you. He gripped your hair tightly with his free hand dug deeper into you, fisting you until he had you screaming.

You were so close as your vision began to whiten. Just then, he pulled his hand out of you and flipped you over, forcing your ass up in the air. He wrapped his hand around your hair and yanked you by it, making your back hit his cloak. He popped his juice-coated fingers inside your mouth, forcing it down your throat. “Suck and taste yourself. See how good you taste.” He ordered, giving an animalistic bite on your earlobe. You whimpered and sucked obediently, his fingers hitting deep in your throat. You used you gag reflexes to prevent you from choking on his fingers as he pumped his hand inside your mouth, making your saliva slurp. “Such a beautiful sight, you choking on my fingers. What’s more beautiful is when you choke on my cock.” He popped his fingers out and flipped you against the headboard, bringing your hands and tying them to the headboard. He pulled on the black straps to make sure they were secured and gripped your hair. “Force you’re ravishing.” He said as he began disrobing, his cock already half hard. His muscles perfectly defined and glistened in sweat, and you couldn’t help but admire his body, his broad shoulders and toned abdomen   


He pulled on your hair again, forcing you to prop your head up and open your mouth as he forced his length inside. He held your head tightly as he began jerking his hips, pushing his sizable cock deep inside your mouth. You moaned around him, sucking as your cheeks hollowed, feeling his pulsing veins. Loud grunts of pleasure escaped his pink lips as he incoherently mumbled something, forcing you to deep throat. Kylo Ren has always been dominating, but he has never been this rough before. You could feel the anger and anxiety in him with each thrust inside your mouth. You began to taste the salty precum as his cock drove furiously inside you, his testicles hitting your chin. You moaned in protest as your jaws began to ache, unable to take in his girth any longer. He gripped onto your hair tighter and jerk one last time, hard enough to make you cough. He pulled out his still hard cock and undid your ties, pulling you back on the bed.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” you asked as he flipped you over, your ass up on the air again. Without answering you, he began rolling your clit with his fingers, making you moan as you began dripping again. Kylo grabbed you by your waist and used his hands to spread your cheeks apart. You could feel his hot breath against your cunt as he ran his tongue across your slit, making you shiver   


“That is such a nice and tight pussy. I should have fucked you in the Temple long ago.” He said as you felt his tip hitting your entrance. He jerked his hips and rammed inside you with one deep thrust, making your jump with the sudden intrusion. “I know how much you love it when I’m rough with you.” He grunted as he thrusted deep again, making your body jerk as a loud moan escaped your lips. He gripped onto your waist and butt cheeks tighter, his nails digging into your skin. You bit your lips as his fingers blistered through your skin, his hard thrusts deep enough to hit your cervix each time. A sudden feeling of pain washed over you as he thrusted wildly inside of you, the head of his cock tapping your cervix with each thrust.

“Kylo… stop-too much…” you whimpered as he hooked his hands under your thighs, lifting them up in the air. He continued to thrust you in lightning speed; you could hear his loud groans and grunts of pleasure as your pain eased into pleasure again, your walls clenching and tightening around him.

“I know you fucking like it when I ram you from the back. You dirty whore, you like being fucked by the man that killed everyone you’ve ever known and loved.” He groaned, his thrusts becoming sloppy as you could sense him coming close. His words brought you to tears. You closed your lids and let the tears roll down your face, making you sob and moan all at the same time. You tightened your eyes shut and sniffled as you were coming closed, wailing as you hit your peak and squirted. Ren filled you with his hot, sticky cum, letting them drip down your thighs as he pulled out of you and crashed on the bed, panting hard for air. Your limbs finally lost control as your sore body crashed on the bed, your face dug deep in the pillow as it muffled your cries. There were many things you felt after having sex with Kylo Ren, but he never hurt you, not like this at least.

You felt a surge of guilt coming from him, something that was completely unexpected and uncharacteristic of him. He wrapped his strong arms around your waist and pulled you closer to his chest. You rested your head against his chest, your tears hitting his bare, pale skin as he untangled your hair with his fingers soothingly. “Why can’t you just kill me. Either way I am no use to you now.” You mumbled, using the back of your hand to wipe off your tears. He placed a small, chaste kiss on your forehead and drew you closer.

“I’m sorry…” he blurted out. You jumped as something unfamiliar hit your ears, an apology. You moved away from him slightly, trying to get a better angle of his face.

“You’re sorry?” you asked, completely bewildered. You looked at his face closer, his eyebrows crooked in pain. His apology was genuine, and you have never been more confused in your life.

“I… I’m in so much pain. Sometimes, I just can’t fight it.” He said slowly, his voice almost a whisper. You couldn’t believe what was happening – he was opening up to you. You knew it was hard for him to constantly battle the Light and Dark, but you didn’t think he would be in so much pain.

“Then don’t.” you heard yourself say, tracing your fingers over his high cheekbones. He took your hand to his and kissed your knuckles softly, showing such affection you thought he was incapable of.

“I don’t want to hurt you F/N… you’re very important to me, I just don’t know why.” He mumbled, as he drew your head to rest against his chest. His words left you more baffled than you were, more confused and helpless than ever. You pressed your ears against his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat. You could relate to him, his every word – Kylo Ren was important to you as well, but you had no idea why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally stopped traveling! WOOT. I was watching the Reverent and I realized how gorgeous Hux is, like really, really drop dead beautiful. Expect Hux and spanking next chapter <3  
> DONT FORGET TO COMMENT


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader gets jealous and makes profoundly bad decisions - just like the author does sometimes

It was possibly colder this morning than most in Starkiller Base – making it more unbearable to live under such harsh conditions. Finn informed you that the latest outburst from Kylo Ren destroyed the base heating system. Ren was becoming more bi-polar by the second – one second he would treat you like a fragile doll desperate to be coddled, and the next second he would turn and drive his lightsaber through anything. Just when you thought you were succeeding to turn him, he would prove to you that you were wrong. Ren was away with the Knights on a mission, leaving you alone in complete isolation for almost a week. You hated being alone… after all, you were alone for almost ten years. Ren wasn’t exactly the company you were hoping for, but he was still better than being alone.

You would request Finn to come join you sometimes – he was the best company you could hope for. You spent your time with him helping him control his Force-sensitivity so the Knights of Ren don’t discover him. Even though his Force-signature was faint, it was getting stronger as he began to exploit his powers. Finn was called away for his shift, leaving you in solidarity once again. You used this time to meditate, seek the guidance of your grandfather – but he wasn’t particularly proud of your recent activities. Your grandfather was possibly the most pious Jedi of his time – it’s considered a miracle that he had your mother and your aunt while he was on the run from the Empire.

“Grandfather?” you tried connecting with him again, but got no response. He has been hesitant to come to your aide recently, especially while you were so close to Kylo Ren. He did mention his particular disdain for the Skywalker family, but Master Luke Skywalker changed his perspective. You crooked your eyebrows and pursed your lips in impatience. “Grandfather!” you screeched.

“Get out of here while you still have the chance.” His voice boomed the empty apartment. You jumped in the sudden sound and opened your eyes, but the apartment was still empty.

“What do you mean?” You asked, tapping your foot impatiently.

“You might think that you are changing him, but you aren’t. I have foreseen darkness in your future if you continue to remain here.” He said, his voice now calmer, and filled with concern. You nervously bit the inside of your cheeks and closed your eyes, unable to find the right words. You knew he was right – he has wisdom that you could only hope to gain by the end of your life… but still. “You will soon have an opportunity of escape; I suggest you take it.” He said harshly. After that, you lost connection with him again. You got up from your sitting position and began pacing back and forth

You wanted to escape, at least a part of you did… but another part was bound to Kylo Ren’s bedpost. Your grandfather might have been right, maybe you weren’t changing him, only making him worse. Finn came and informed you Kylo Ren was back from his mission, and has summoned you. You heart leaped, filling your mind with mixed emotions once again. You had no idea whether it would be a good day for him or bad day. You were so close to snapping at him – and no matter how many times your meditated, nothing seemed to calm you down.

You walked back to his quarters, slightly anticipating his return when the door to his quarters slid open and a Zeltron girl stepped out, her hair disheveled. You didn’t need any explanation to know what happened – but you needed explanation as to why this angered you so much. You stopped short in front of his door and punched the metal door, making your Stormtrooper escort flinch. You could only feel your anger rise if you just stood there, and you knew you couldn’t bear to see him now. You cannot give him the satisfaction for having an outburst and submit yourself to the Dark Side.

“Where is General Hux’s quarters?” you gritted through your teeth. You could sense his confusion through his helmet. Without a question, he led you through the suffocating halls of Starkiller Base. Finn looked around nervously, coming closer to you.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked cautiously, making sure no one was listening to their conversation.

You looked at him from the side as your frown grew deeper. “Do what?”

“This… I mean I get you and Kylo Ren have a thing, but is _this_ really necessary?” Finn asked in a low voice. You stopped in your tracks, wanting to drive your lightsaber through everything.

“Kylo Ren and I don’t have a _thing_! I am a consenting adult who can fuck whoever she wants to!” You screeched. You continued stomping down the hallway, stopping before general Hux’s quarters.

“Ren’s not going to be happy.” Finn murmured.

“You think I care about his happiness. Finn, I feed on his misery.” You said coldly, knocking on his door hard. You could feel Finn’s disapproval as he walked away, leaving you to cool off on whatever it is you were about to do. Kylo Ren stole you of your virginity, claimed you as if you were his property, and goes around fandering with other whores. You were no escort, you were no prostitute – you are a Jedi, who’s prone to making bad decisions; a Jedi who lost everything because of the very same man. This you knew would be one of those bad decisions. The redheaded General opened the door, slightly surprised to see you in his doorsteps. You don’t know why you cared about what he did or who he slept with, but it bothered you more than anything.

“Always a pleasure L/N.” he regarded formally.

“You have alcohol?” You asked breathlessly. Ren didn’t drink, and he never had any stock to help you drown your miserable life. Hux nodded reluctantly and gestured you to enter the apartment. You saw the redhead walk to his bar and pull out a bottle of wine. “I want your strongest drink.” You said, balling and unballing your hands. He put back the wine bottle and pulled out a crystal bottle filled with dark, silky liquid.

“I am sure whiskey would do.” He said, bring you glasses over.

“I don’t need a glass.” You said, snatching the bottle from his hand. You know what you wanted to do, what you needed to do, but you needed to be thoroughly drunk first. You popped open the bottle and took a giant gulp, letting the sweet liquid burn down your throat. You could feel the curiosity and questions off the General in front of you, who just kept on watching you with fascination.

“This is interesting. I thought Jedi were meant to be disciplined.” He said, an amused smirk on his perfect face. You furrowed your eyebrows, taking in another gulp of the sweet whiskey.

“You’ve read my records Hux, I’m a mess.” You said, carefully observing him. Another smile appeared on his face, scooting closer to you.

“You weren’t a mess, far from it actually.” He said, taking a small sip from his glass. “I’ve read your records, yes. It’s very impressive – your bloodline is one of the most powerful Force-Sensitive family in the Galaxy. You grandfather was a Grand Master in the old Jedi Temple. You might have been rebellious, but you certainly had a bright future as a Jedi.” He said, not blinking for the longest time.

“I might be powerful with the Force and have exceptional lightsaber skills, but that doesn’t make me a good Jedi.” You said gloomily. You knew very well you were far from a perfect Jedi. You should have been a deceased along with your other fellow Jedi’s – you should have fought Kylo Ren to death ten years ago.

“It will make you a good Knight of Ren.” He said. You scoffed at his offer and gulped down more alcohol. As a trained Jedi, you were able to withstand high amounts of alcohol without getting drunk – but not even a Jedi would withstand an entire bottle of Toidarian fireball whiskey. Your head began to feel lighter and your vision blurring.

“You’re here for revenge sex aren’t you?” Hux asked, pulling your bottle away from you. You gave a clumsy nod.

“You’re not objecting, are you?” You asked, crashing on his lap. He gave a low grunt in response and smacked your ass, making you yelp as a light sting spread. He gave your ass another squeeze.

“I knew you would come back for more.” He growled, but you stopped him with a sloppy kiss, thrusting your tongue inside his mouth desperately. He squeezed your waist in response and fought your tongue for dominance, moaning into your mouth. You ran your fingers through his mop of auburn hair and twisted the ends of it, pulling the strands sharply upwards. He grunted again, his plush pink lips swollen. You reached for the hem of your sweater and pulled it off, leaving you in just your bra.

The General flipped you over on your stomach on his lap again, roughly taking off your pants and underwear. Your bra was off next, leaving you completely naked on his lap. By this stage, you would usually be soaked with arousal if it were Kylo, but a sting of guilt hit you instead. You crooked your eyebrows and shook your head – you needed to do this, for yourself at least. You know how much Kylo Ren and General Hux hated each other… and General Hux was a handsome man, someone you would consider courting with if he weren’t a First Order scum. You snapped out of your thoughts when a sharp sting hit your butt cheek.

“I knew you needed to be punished all the time.” He said, giving another smack to your right cheek. Your mouth formed a ‘o’ as he smacked again – not hard like last time but hard enough to redden your skin. “Ren has coddled you too much, it’s obvious he has a soft spot for you.” He said, adding three more smacks. You furrowed your eyebrows and entered another deep thought – Ren hasn’t coddled you; if anything, what he did was another form of torture. He raped you… what more was Kylo Ren capable of if he didn’t completely express his darkness to you. Why didn’t he express his darkness to you?

“Ren is a monster! He stole me of my virginity!” You gritted through your teeth as he caressed your burning cheeks. You felt a sharp bite on your right butt cheek, making you squeal.

“Yes, but you wanted it though, right? Having sex with Ben Solo… I can imagine that being a trend in the Jedi Temple.” Hux said, squeezing your cheeks again. “Look at how big your ass is, they barely fit in my hands. 

“Yes but not after he went psycho and killed everyone!” you shouted in protest, completely ignoring his dirty talk. Did you unconsciously want to have sex with Ben Solo? You know you did before, back at the Temple – who didn’t… but now? Did you really try hard enough to fight him off, when he broke your hymen? You know the answer is no… you could have done a lot of damage to him, even with the Force-Suppressing cuffs on; but why didn’t you? Your thoughts made your shudder, but you snapped out again when you felt long fingers caress your wet folds.

“You really just need to relax.” He said, rolling your clit in between his fingers. You moaned in response, arching into his touch.

“This isn’t a very relaxing position.” You said, trying to get comfortable on his lap. He pushed you off his lap as you landed back on the sofa, your chest heaving from arousal. Hux climbed over you, still fully clothed. You reached for the hem of his shirt and began unbuttoning it, taking them off. Hux took his shirt off and neatly placed it over the sofa handle, taking off his boots carefully. He climbed back on top of you slowly, thrusting his lips on your again, slowly dragging his lips down to your throat, nibbling hard. You arched your back and gripped onto his shoulders as he continued to suck down your throat.

“This seems to suit you more.” He said, in between kisses on your collarbone. You nodded in response and gave out a low moan as he reached your breasts. You popped your eyes open as he began sucking, filling you with the familiar pleasure.

“Hux…” you hushed, throwing your head back on the cushion.

“General would suffice.” He said, lightly nipping on your nipples. You propped your head up, looking at him in disbelief.

“You’re joking, right?” you asked. In response, he squatted your thigh, making you whimper softly.

“Do I seem to be joking?” he growled, licking the tip of your sensitive nub. You moaned out loudly as he stimulated your sensitive breasts, shaking your head 

“No general…” you hushed as he rested his head in between your thighs. You could feel his hot breath against you, this tongue delving into you without notice. You moaned out loudly as he sucked your swollen clit, slurping your juices desperately. You gripped his hair, bringing his face closer to you. “general…” calling him general while he was eating you seemed strange, but at least it got the job done. He moaned against your cunt every time you called him general, sending vibrations through you. 

“God you taste delicious.” He said, sucking on your clit again. His tongue thrusted into your entrance again, curling occasionally, making your breathing stop. Hux was good at this, yes – but Kylo was better. The thought of that infuriated you again, thinking that he brings you more pleasure than other men. Kylo made your toes curl, your blood pump in lightning speed, your head fuzzy. You tried to clear your head of Kylo Ren and moaned as you could feel your climax building.

“Force…yes…” you panted as orgasm washed over you, leaving you sweaty and your limbs dysfunctional. His thumbs brushed over your bottom lips, slowly popping them in. You sucked on in unconsciously as placed his thumb in between your teeth, making him grunt.

“I need to have more of you, my perfect Jedi.” He said, lifting you by your hips and carried you to bed, nibbling on your bottom lip. Your body crashed on his bed, leaving you again with your thoughts. Was what you were doing right? Of course it was… you didn’t belong to Kylo Ren – you were an independent human being you could sleep with anyone you wanted to. You reminded yourself again… this wasn’t stopping him from doing deadbeat whores. You saw General Hux get something from his closet, and walk back to you. He carried a shiny, slim hilted lightsaber, with no ridges.

“Is that my lightsaber?” You asked, trying to get a better view. He brought the hilt and placed in between you, making you shudder with it’s cool touch. You felt yourself grow wet again when he began rubbing the end of your lightsaber against your clit. You hummed in pleasure and threw your head back.

“What does he think he is, having you all to himself?” Hux hissed, slowly filling you with your own weapon. You moaned and arched your back as he instead more of your weapon in, coating it with your own juices. He began pacing the lightsaber back and forth, filling you with an overwhelming pleasure.

“Oh…f-force-General!” you screamed as he began pacing the lightsaber faster inside you. You almost thought you were going to choke out Kylo, but bit down on your tongue, restraining any speech. Million thoughts raced through your mind again, but the last push of the lightsaber snapped you out of your thoughts, making you almost scream.

“You are absolutely breathtaking.” Hux said, pulling the lightsaber out of you and licking the end clean off. “You don’t you put that pretty mouth of yours to good use.” Hux ordered. You struggled to get up as the lightsaber was too big inside you, and fumbled off his pants. His cock was already completely hard, red and dripping with precum. You grasped his length and ran your tongue across his slit, making him hiss in pleasure.

You popped his him in whole and length in your mouth, your thoughts driving your action again. Kylo felt bigger in your mouth – was he bigger? You remembered you weren’t doing this for pleasure, you were doing this out of spite. Didn’t matter how thick his cock was, he was still a complete asshole who stole everything from you – something you often forgot. 

“Concentrate on your current task Jedi Knight L/N.” Hux ordered, gripping your hair tighter, forcing you to take more of him. He bobbed your head up and down his cock, almost making you choke as you had no control anymore. He finally pulled himself out of your mouth, leaving a trail of saliva. He took you by your waist and flipped you over on your knees, forcing your ass up in the air. “Can’t believe he never used that ass of yours.” He said, pulling your cheeks apart. You arched your eyebrows and turned your head to see what he was doing.

“Wha –“ he shut you up by popping two of his fingers inside your mouth. You sucked on his thin fingers with confusion. He pulled his fingers out with a wet pop and positioned himself behind you. He slowly pushed himself inside you, beginning slow thrusts. You moaned out loud, his strong thrusts making you close around his cock.

“My fucking god you are tight.” Hux said, thrusting harder into you. You crunched your fists into the sheets and moaned in response. “You are a dirty little Jedi, aren’t you?” Hux growled, his wet fingers circling your clit. You shuddered in response but snapped your eyes open when he breached a finger in your rear hole.

“What the fuck?” You asked, panting as he began pacing his single finger in your rear, adding a pleasurable pressure through your body. You moaned in response and ignored him, bouncing back and forth according to his movements. You felt hurtful anger, somewhere in the distance… it was Kylo Ren alright, and you felt him smashing through things once again. A satisfied smile spread across your lips, your walls closing around Hux. He grunted and pushed himself harder inside. He gave your ass a quick smack, making you yelp in pleasure. You could feel his satisfaction from your response as he gave you another smack, making you jump.

“Tell me I’m better than Kylo Ren.” Hux grunted, smacking your ass again. You furrowed your eyebrows and thought about this – he wasn’t better than Kylo Ren. You sunk your head down and pursed your lips shut. He smacked your ass again, harder this time. “Tell me I’m better.”

“No!” You shouted, your anger boiling inside you. This was a bad idea, a really bad idea. There was nothing you would possibly gain from this – except maybe the fact that Kylo Ren might finally kill you. You gritted your teeth and Force-pushed him off. “This was a bad, bad idea.” You mumbled, summoning your clothes. Hux fell off the bed, looking at you completely disorientated.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Hux shouted, his face becoming redder than his hair from anger. You hastily pulled your clothes back on, brushing your hair back as you stumbled on your boots.

“I’m leaving.” You said, summoning your lightsaber and clipping it into your belt. Hux ran behind you and stopped you by your elbows, crashing your back against the wall.

“I wasn’t done with you yet.” Hux hissed. He curled his fingers around your neck, squeezing hard. You coughed as your windpipe collided against each other, but you harnessed the Force and pushed him away. The door to his apartment slid open as you rushed out. You knew Hux wouldn’t call security – you left him butt naked in his apartment and his honor is more important to him than anything else. You made your way through the busy corridors of the Base, without really knowing where it is you were going. You palm began to sweat, thinking about what it was that you did – you drove on jealousy. Jedi don’t drive from emotions; dark Force users do. You lost the last bit of dignity latched onto you. Tears of shame rushed down your eyes, you head completely blank. How much lower could you possibly sink. 

Before you could discover that answer, you saw the masked, hooded figure standing in front of you, his chest heaving and his fists balled tightly. You could feel the anger and sadness radiating off of him. He turned around, his black cape fluttering behind him. You saw Ren enter the nearby communications room – screams of soldiers and Stormtroopers as they scurried out of the room – red blade ignited and shouting at the top of his lungs as he began to smashing through everything in the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I made the Reader a little bitchy on purpose, just because I want sad boy Kylo because he's the best.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hang on for the shivering feels as reader finally realizes the depth of her feelings for Kylo Ren.

The whole corridor emptied within a few minutes after Kylo Ren began rampaging through the communications room, leaving you alone in the desolate hallway – alone with him. Lights began flickering, molten metal pieces flying off the room as you heard him slash like a maniac. You don’t know how long you were standing there, but sometime soon you needed to move and face him – maybe he will kill you this time for sure. You took in a sharp breath and wiped your sweaty palms on your sweater; slowly, you walked into the room, closing the door behind you.

“This is a bit too dramatic, even for you.” You said with the light chuckle, trying to ease the dense atmosphere of the room. His back was still turned to you, his chest heaving. He turned his lightsaber off and clipped it back on his belt.

“You aren’t permitted to visit Hux’s quarters again.” Ren gritted through his teeth, his voice rough through his helmet. You felt your anger rise again – how dare he tells you what you can or can’t do. You regretted sleeping with Hux, but that doesn’t you were stripped of all your rights forever.

“Why the fuck do you care? You can’t tell me who I can fuck Ben – it’s not like _we_ vowed in monogamy.” You exclaimed, wanting to choke the life out of him. You could feel his anger rising again; he ignited his lightsaber and slashed through more console panels, making you slightly flinch as sparks ignited the room. “You still didn’t answer my question!”

“You are not permitted to sleep with anyone because you are mine!” Ren shouted. “And no one can even look at you, let alone touch you.” You couldn’t believe your ears. You were his? What was all this about?

“I don’t belong to anyone Kylo.” You said quietly, to be honest quite surprised by your own reaction. You wanted you attack him with your lightsaber, drive it through his heart or chop his head off, but you knew too well what the cost of that would be. “And what gives you the right to think I can’t have sex with anyone else while you clearly haven’t stopped.”

“I wasn’t with her!” Ren screamed again, taking off this helmet and throwing it down on the ground. The blood in your hands ran cold as another shot of guilt ran through you.  You stumbled back slightly, unable to face him as his eyes burned into you. “And yet you still went to Hux. Did you do it purely to spite me?” you found yourself unable to answer as your bottom lip quivered. Your fingers twitched in nervousness as turned your back to him, biting your bottom lip.

“Why is this so important to you?” you whispered, your back still turned to him. “Why do you care so much? Why am I yours?” You asked again. You closed your eyes, your mind split in two – one part of you wanted to know, and hoped for a certain answer; another part of you was too afraid of the truth. He didn’t answer you, but you could feel him stare at the back of your head. After a long, uncomfortable pause, Ren summoned his helmet and clipped it back on, storming past you. You watched him leave the destroyed communications room, the sliced pieces of metal still red hot from Ren’s lightsaber. You just stood there, your mind completely black.

You don’t know what to feel. Ever since you have been caught, your mind has been filled with nothing but confusion. Your emotions were all over the place, your mind pulling the darkness a little bit every day. You knew it was the time for you to get out, but you had no idea how. Instead of formulating a plan for your escape, your mind kept going back to Ben Solo. Yes, he was Ben Solo again. You knew that face of his too well, the same face he did whenever he had a fight with Master Skywalker, or whenever you defeated him.

You broke Kylo Ren – you technically won, yet you couldn’t help but feel anything but loss.

XXXX

You stood outside, trying to meditate so you could concentrate but nothing helped you. Finally giving up, you threw your body down on the plush, soft snow and looked up at the steel grey sky, thunder humming lightly within the thick clouds. You heard faint footsteps behind you, but you didn’t need to get up to see who it was.

“I heard about Ren’s latest outburst. It’s the most damaging one so far.” Finn said through his helmet, taking a seat next to you. “They need to redo the whole D Sector communications room. Hux is absolutely furious.”

You continued staring at the sky, your face slowly going numb from the blistering cold. “That’s great.” You said monotonously. “Is the security system vulnerable?” you asked, looking at your only friend in the world. You felt him give a wicked smile from his helmet as he looked at you.

“It isn’t enough for you to escape F/N.” Finn said. You felt him mood shift as he began tensing up. “What happened, between you and Commander Ren? More importantly, what happened between you and General Hux?” He asked, nudging your shoulders.

“I fucked both.” You said, getting up from the wet snow. “I always knew I would be an abominable slut. My sisters were the Temple slut and now I’m following their footsteps on making detrimental decisions about men.” You said, slightly shivering as your wet back began to freeze. “My life had literally never been worse, and I ate womp rats and raw fish for ten years.”

“Maybe it’s genetic.” He suggested, looking up at the sky through his helmet. “And you had more to do with Hux’s anger than Ren does – that’s a first.”

“Yeah maybe.” You said. “I didn’t inherit the everlasting wisdom, but I had to inherited the thirst quenching lust and bad decision making. I am a failed Windu. No wonder my grandfather hates me.”

“So crazy boy Kylo is now sad boy Kylo?” he asked, taking off his helmet. You scoffed but didn’t answer him. You were more depressed and gloomy than you ever remember being – because for the first time in your life, you had completely lost hope. “So you’re in love with him.” You widened your eyes and gave a nervous chuckle.

“I’m not in love. Love is an overkill, it’s may be a flutter –“ you rambled on when Finn stopped you. “Stop talking, and just admit it.” He said. You stop mid-sentence, your lips quivering with fear.

“I… I can’t – Finn… you have no idea what he did to my life.” You said, tears rolling down your eyes. “He took everything from me.” You whispered, your voice cracking from the cold, your fingers frozen blue. “He killed my family… my friends… my kind.”

“You don’t really have any other choice, do you?” Finn said. “Let me take you back to Ren’s quarters. Come on.” He said, pulling you up. You used all your weight not to get up, and looked up at him with doey eyes.

“I need to get out of here Finn.” You said, your voice cracking from the cold. Finn dropped your body back on the snow, picking up his blaster and swinging it to his side.

“That’s not something you should worry about right now.”

 XXXX

Your legs trembled as you slowly entered his quarters, finding the living room and bedroom completely empty. You knew he was in his quarters; you could feel his conflicting emotions from his meditation room. Your palms began to sweat again as you approached the door to his meditation room. Slowly creaking the metallic door open, you entered the pitch black room, Kylo Ren blending in perfectly with the room. He didn’t turn around as you came closer to him, stopping right behind him.

Your hands trembled as you turned to face him, hooking your legs to the side and taking a seat on his lap. You found the latch on the sides to his helmet, waiting to take them off. “I will never apologize for what I did. It’s the least you deserve after all you did to me.” You finally pulled off his mask and threw it down on the floor, finding his perfect face slightly moist. You didn’t waste another minute to dig your fingers in his thick black hair and crashing your lips against his soft ones.

He moaned against your lips, wrapping his arms around you. You desperately thrusted your lips inside his mouth, your hand finding the front of tunic. You fumbled it open as you hungrily nipped on his bottom lip. “I don’t understand why I am so important to you.” You mumbled, biting down his neck and eliciting a delicious moan from him. When have you actually had the opportunity to touch his skin like this? You didn’t – he was always the one doing the work. You pushed his tunic off his shoulders licking and biting on his pale, bare shoulder. You wanted to mark him for a change, just like he marked you sometimes. You wanted to mark him _yours_.

You managed you open the top half of his tunic, biting down his skin. You heard faint moans and grunts as you worked your way down his chest, taking a pink nipple in between your lips and nipping. So this is the pleasure one receives from pleasuring someone else – this was possibly the first time you were doing this. You left a trail of kisses down his muscled abdomen, but stopped right before the straining bulge from his pants. You got up and examined your work. Ren’s icy pale skin was blushing with your marks, faint purple and blue bruises forming around his neck. That wasn’t enough – you decided he needed more. You attacked his neck again, sucking softly and occasionally biting. His pouting lips slightly parted as you softly nibbled on his left earlobe, his breathing heavier.

“Ren, unfortunately I know why you are important to me, but I need to know.” You said, meeting his smoldering brown eyes dancing with arousal. Without warning, he captured your lips again, this time him thrusting his tongue inside you, his gloved hands skimming your skin under your sweater.

“I have been looking for you for ten years.” Ren said, picking you up by your waist and carrying you off. You wrapped your legs around him, your hands tied around his neck. He lips found the crook of your neck, kissing softly. You closed your eyes and lost yourself in pleasure as he sucked on the tender skin. He dropped you on the silk sheets of his bed, taking off his tunic and pants completely. “I was obsessed with finding you – the only person to have survived my wrath.” He reached for the hem of your sweater, helping you push it off your warm body. You reached behind your back and unclasped your bra, throwing it down on the floor.

“When I found you, I remembered why I was so obsessed with you this whole time.” He said, aiding you to take your pants off, leaving both of you completely bare. “You are perfect in every way possible, and no one can have you besides me.” He said, kissing your exposed shoulders and nibbling your collarbone.

Your mouth parted in an ‘o’ as you arched your back, your fingers roaming his hair desperately. “Kylo…” you said breathlessly as he reached in between your breasts and burying his face inside the mounds of flesh.

“I thought about you more than I thought about finding Skywalker.” He said, taking a nipple and sucking softly. You gripped your hair and arched your back once again as he explored your nubs of flesh, sucking them swollen. “I needed you to be mine… from the very beginning. That’s why I never killed you.”

You drew in a sharp breath, suddenly realizing he _did_ keep you alive on purpose. “Why did you let me live?” you asked, your fingers still tangled in his hair. “Why me of all people?” his hot breath hit your skin delightfully, sending a new flutter of sensation through your body. He left more feathered kisses along your skin, teasing the hot surface of your body.

“Because, what I felt for you was always more than physical.” Ren said, hooking your legs over his shoulders as he positioned himself in between your legs. “I didn’t realize it until I almost lost you.” His mouth closed around your swollen clit, sucking around your juices and making you breathless.

“Fuck, Kylo – “ you whined as his tongue explore your wet core, lapping up as much juice as he possibly can from inside you. His face was burying inside you completely, his whole mouth engulfing you and sucking wildly. You gave out a loud moan as more juices leaked out of you, rubbing your cunt against his face. He moaned against you, sending vibrations through your body as he nibbled on your clit again.

“Force, you were the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever known.” He said, biting the soft flesh in your inner thigh, mounting a loud groan from you. You cheeks were completely fluster as he kept working on your pussy, you walls closing around nothing as you moaned and panted for your release. He used his fingers to hold your lips apart, flickering his tongue against your opening and thrusting inside.

“Kylo! Kylo! Fucking stars…” you panted, feeling the muscles around your legs contract as your chest tightened, your orgasm building stronger than ever. Did he ever make you feel this good? Or was it because now this he was doing this under different circumstances? You screamed and gripped his hair as you came onto his mouth, earning a moan from him. You crashed your sweat filled body on the mattress, your chest heaving heavily. Ren wiped his mouth using the back of his hand and climbed over to meet your face again.

He cupped your cheeks and dived his moist mouth against yours, the taste of your juices still lingering in his mouth. He wrapped one arm around your waist and lifted your up, your hot bodies pressed against each other’s. You knew you were wet just as much as you were before. You parted your legs to grant him access as he lined up near your hot, pulsing core. He filled you in, so tantalizingly slowly. Was he always this big? You moaned as he filled you inch my inch, stretching you out around him. “No one deserves to touch you.” Ren hissed, adding his first strong thrust. “Not even me. But you are still mine, mine only.” 

A small tear drop escaped your lids and rolled down your cheeks. Kylo reached down to your face and kissed off the salty tears. You wrapped your legs around him as he thrusted in deeper, making you moan with every hit. You cracked your nails on his back panting like a mess underneath him. “Oh Kylo…” you moaned as you crashed your head back on the pillow, revealing your neck to him. He stuck his tongue out and licked the beading of sweat from your neck, groaning as he thrusted harder into you. “Why did it have to be you?” you whined, scratching his smooth back as he thrusted deep into you, your walls slick and warm around him. 

“Only mine… only mine…” Kylo mumbled as he thrusted faster into you, making your walls closing and pulse around him. You moaned uncontrollably as he kept hitting your g-spot, over and over again. His mouth closed over yours, his throat gurgling moans inside your mouth. 

“Why you?” you panted again, losing your vision as you could feel yourself coming close. You arched your back and gripped his buttocks as he increased his pace more, making you both pant for air hard. Your vision whitened as you came “Fuck Ben!” you screamed at the top of your lungs, his hot cum filling your insides. His body crashed on top of yours as you both tried to catch your breaths, sweat making your bodies stick.

“Why me what?” he asked, pulling his softened dick from inside you.

“Why did I have to fall in love with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think the friendship between Finn and Reader is fucking precious. Finn just seems like he could be your best friend. Up next, we catch on to the plot of the Force Awakens.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren is forced to give you up to the Supreme Leader himself, and that is definitely not good news for you.

You slowly fluttered your eyes open, stretching your arms out. Usually by this time, Ben would be gone, but to your surprise, you found him still sleeping peacefully next to you. You knew what you were doing was a mistake, but at this point, there was nothing you wanted to do to turn back – all desire to escape was gone, all need to hate Kylo Ren was gone; now it was just you and Ben Solo. You curtly smiled to yourself, your lids still heavy from sleep and your body still sore. You decided to pushed your intentions and expectations as a Jedi on hold for a while, just trying to enjoy life for the first time in ten years.

Your grandfather had stopped guiding you entirely – if it was possible, you could almost _feel_ his despair and disappointment towards you lingering through the room when you were alone. Sometimes when Kylo Ren went on long missions, you were left with nothing but your thoughts… and your regrets. What were you doing? While it’s true that he was unsuccessful making you turn – you were unsuccessful as well. You were no damsel in distress; you couldn’t just hang around here, waiting for him to turn back to the light. All the while he was a completely different person to you, he still went and gave orders to slaughter hundreds of innocent lives. It has been a month of peace between you two, but your hope of having him turn was fading as each day went by. You knew you would never be entirely successful as long as the Supreme Leader kept him under his wing.

You closed your eyes lazily, feeling him rustling next to you.

“You’re still here.” You said, your voice completely cracking. You heard a faint grunt as he wrapped his arms around your waist.

“Obviously.” He whispered, his thick hair completely disheveled from bed-head. You fluttered your eyes, but snapped them open when you felt a large hand cup your breast and pinch a nipple, making you mewl in pleasure. You bit down on your bottom lip as the tip of his finger grazed over your sensitive tip. Your breasts have been extra sensitive recently, driving you to the brink of insanity whenever he touched them. He cupped them again, squeezing one as your flesh filled his palms. “They seem bigger than before, not that I’m complaining.” He smirked.

“Hmm… you certainly know who to wake a girl up.” You mumbled, enjoying his erection pressing onto your butt. You could already feel yourself growing wet as he slid his hands down to play with your clit, rubbing lazy circles. You rested your head against the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent that has become so familiar to you now. “Didn’t you have enough last night?” you asked, panting as he rubbed your clit harder.

“It’s never enough.” Ren replied, crashing his full lips to yours. You moaned against his mouth and tangled your fingers in his hair. He pressed his warm body against yours, snaking his arms around waist and deepening this kiss. “I understand you might be a little sore since all you did was scream last night; how about do this about we do this another way?” he whispered into your mouth. You smiled curiously against his mouth, following his gaze as he got up and pulled out a bottle of lube from the nightstand. He pumped the lube and coaxed it around his fingers, positioning it against your asshole.

“You don’t care if I’m sore, you just wanted to do anal.” You said, raising your waist to give him a better view of your rear hole. He smirked as you as he slowly pushed a finger in, gently stretching you out. You crumpled the sheets into your fist and moaned as he pumped his finger inside, thoroughly satisfied from your response.

“Doesn’t matter because you fucking love it when I take that tight ass of yours.” He said, adding a second finger in. You moaned louder in response and rocked against his thrusts, letting his fingers fill you in perfectly. You parted your lips and breathed heavily as he stretched you enough to make you ready for him.

“Deplorable asshole.” You smiled as he lifted your hip and coated his erect dick with lube, lining up in your rear hole. You felt his tip push in slowly, his mouth resting against your ear as he slowly filled you in, making you moan his name loudly. You lifted one of your legs up on his shoulders, one of his hands massaging your clit.

“But you love the deplorable asshole.” He whispered, his lips sealing against yours again. He grunted against your mouth as his thrusted deeper, your walls clashing around him. You whimpered in pleasure as he thrusted faster, his fingers slipping in and out of your boiling hot core while pulling your clit.

“You wish.” You moaned, rocking against his movements. he thrusted deeper into you, your moans becoming louder. He cupped your chin and brought you to a desperate, harsh kiss. You wailed into his mouth, pleasure shaking your body as he thrusted deeper into you, his fingers pumping your faster.

“Liar.” He said, his free hand toying with your nipple. Your lids began to feel heavier as your orgasm closed in, your walls clenching around his throbbing dick and his fingers. You mewled loudly, panting as your sweat dripped down in the sheets below.

“Fuck – Kylo!” you whined as he slowed down his pace, teasing you. Your cheeks began to flush, your body shaking as your orgasm was frozen still. You pushed your body down further, fucking yourself in his hands and your rear hole at the same time. “Hmm… fuck yes…” Ren sped up his pace again, pumping both himself and his fingers wildly inside you, room filled your grunts of pleasure and the tantalizing sound of his balls slapping against your burning skin.

“Fuck you are always so ready to come for me…” he moaned, his lips attacking your exposed throat. Your nails clawed onto his sweat covered back, his silky raven hair plastered to his forehead. His thrusts were becoming sloppier as his dick twitched inside your ass, his hands slowly down as he began to tire. His thumb rubbed delicately over your swollen clit, helping you push over the edge. You let out a loud scream as you came, your body trembling as your intense orgasm washed over you. He leaned over and kissed your temples softly before crawling out of the bed.

“No spooning?” you shouted as you saw him walk towards fresher.

“I have to meet with the Supreme Leader in fifteen minutes.” He said, shutting the fresher door close. You knitted your eyebrows together and roughly pounded your fist against the mattress – the Supreme Leader, again. Snoke was meeting him more often than ever before. He saw the positive change in Kylo, undoubtedly, and now he was doing everything in his power to revert him back to his monstrous self. The door to the fresher snapped open as Kylo Ren walked out fully dressed, his hair fluttering behind him as he summoned his helmet. “Be ready for our sparring lesson in midday.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice; I love watching you lose.” You shouted after him. He clipped his helmet in place. 

“I don’t lose.” He said through his modulator, disappearing into the hallway of Starkiller Base. _What an egotistical bastard_. You smiled at yourself. Even now it was so hard to admit his defeat, even though he lost almost all the time against you. You finally pushed the clinging cover from your naked form and limped to the fresher – maybe he fucked you so hard so you would lose to him… pathetic.

XXXX

You skillfully blocked the blast fires coming from three directions, your vision completely blocked from the blindfold. After years of not practicing, your Form I had weakened drastically, but only after months of practicing after coming to the Starkiller Base, you were better than ever. You didn’t like your new escort as she clearly resented you and your ‘special abilities’ as she so eloquently put it. You missed Finn more than ever now. He finally got reassigned from sanitation into battle. You would be happy for him; expect he was going into battle for a failed purpose.

You swung your lightsaber through the blasters, listening to them crash on the floor. You took off your blindfold, wiping the line of sweat from your forehead. Your Stormtrooper escort shifted uncomfortably, since every none Force-sensitive got intimidated by what trained Force users were capable of doing. You smiled down at the floor, watching her shift nervously. 

“I’m not Ren, so you don’t have to be scared about me randomly killing you.” You shouted, panting for air. She said nothing, but instead coughed uncomfortably. The door to the training room slid open, with a very angry Kylo Ren stomping in. Without notice he ignited his lightsaber and began slashing through the wall, making your body stiffen. He has been so normal and in control for such a long time, what the hell did Snoke do? You clenched your jaw and held onto your lightsaber as he shouted and slashed through the wall, sparks flying everywhere. The Stormtrooper flinched back against the wall, her fear radiating in the room. Ren finally turned his lightsaber off and clipped his back on his belt.

“Leave.” He ordered the Stormtrooper. She quickly picked up her blaster and ran out of the room. Ren’s chest heaved, his fist tightly gripped into a ball. You checked him carefully, not moving an inch until he turned around, stepping closer to you. “Pack your things, we are leaving for the _Finalizer_ in an hour.”

“I don’t have things.” You said, clipping your lightsaber back in your belt. “Why am I going to the Finalizer?”

“Because I am ordered to deliver you to the Supreme Leader. I am no longer in charge of you.” He said monotonously. You stumbled, completely taken aback by Ren’s words. Your jaw fell open, realizing the severity of the situation.

“Not your responsibility! Ben you can’t do this!” you shouted, tears streaming down your face. You were lucky enough not to submit under Ren, but there was no way you could resist the temptation under Snoke – he was the person responsible for seducing Ben Solo to the Dark Side in the first place.

“This isn’t my choice and this is not up for debate!” Ren shouted, slamming his fist to the nearest wall. Your head began to lighten as you desperately ran your fingers through your hair.

“If you let this happen, you will lose me forever.” You said softly, taking a step back. You saw his back stiffen, a sudden jolt of pain passing through him. He slightly tilted his head to you, taking a long pause.

“You better be ready.” He said as he pushed the door open to the room, leaving without a notice. The room began spinning around you as you crashed to your knees, wrapping your arms around yourself. This was the wakeup call you needed, but it was possibly still too late – you needed to get away from the First Order, and fast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The smut will lessen from the next chapters onward as we will dive into the Force Awakens plot, sorry :(


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You finally decided to take action against the First Order.

You stared coldly at your Stormtrooper escort, restraining your wrists together with Force-Suppressing cuffs. Kylo Ren had already left for the _Finalizer_ , leaving you with a dozen Stormtroopers. You watched the soldiers shift nervously around you, their fear towards you floating around the room. It was appalling how they feared you simply because you were a Force-user – Ren really did put up a bad example for everyone. Your body felt empty without your lightsaber, which Kylo allowed for you to carry around while you were in Starkiller, but took away from you before leaving for the _Finalizer_. This could only mean one thing – security was much lighter in the battle ship.

You wanted to clear you mind completely of Kylo Ren or the Supreme Leader and think – your only priority in life now was to escape. The briskly walked out of the shuttle ramp, all eyes on the bridge stuck on you. By now, you were used to all the stares, snide comments and gossips of your relationship with Ren. You ignored the attention towards you and took the time to carefully observe your surroundings. Tie fighters – you weren’t particularly fond of flying, but you could certainly get away in this if you wanted to; the only trick would be to get to the bridge undetected. You were escorted to Ren’s quarters, surprisingly finding him there.

“Good you’re here.” Ren said, surprising you by removing his helmet in front of your Stormtrooper escort. You heard a small gasp from the soldier behind you, but then again you couldn’t blame her. The way Kylo Ren acted put him as a persona of a monster, no less a human male who was by every definition gorgeous. You arched your eyebrows in surprise when you saw a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. He waved the Stormtrooper to leave, the door snapping shut behind you.

“I see you are no longer cranky. Had a nice nap?” You asked, but before you could finish, he picked you up by your hips and brought your lips to a passionate kiss. You widened your eyes, completely baffled as he set you down. “You’re scaring me.” You said breathlessly.

“I have good news.” He said, almost giddy. You gulped nervously, beginning to bite the inside of your cheeks.

“Good news for you doesn’t necessarily mean it’s good news for me.” You said, following his pacing, his hands clasped in front of his face.

“I found the other half of the map.” He said, biting his bottom lip. No, no… this wasn’t good news for you at all. You widened your eyes and took a seat, rubbing your head furiously. He can’t find Master Skywalker. “Did you hear me, I found the other half of the map.”

“I heard you the first time.” You snapped, clutching your fists together. You crashed your face in your palm, your cheeks burning with fury. This was the worst possible thing that could actually happen. With you being sent to Leader Snoke and Master Skywalker getting caught by the First Order, there would be nothing left. You rubbed your face and saw Ren standing in front of you, fidgeting his fingers nervously. You thought he would probably choke you right now, but instead, took a seat next to you. He bound his arms around your shoulder and placed a small chaste kiss on your forehead.

“You may think this is a catastrophe now, but after Leader Snoke shows you the true path, you will understand how malign the Jedi were.” He said soothingly, filling you with a mixture of confusion. Why did he have to be like this? Why couldn’t be Kylo Ren and break something right now? It would make it easier for you to escape without any guilt.

“That’s not going to happen.” You said in a small voice, fisting your hands to a ball until your knuckles turned white. Kylo released a faint laugh, resting his lips against your ear.

“I love the fact that you are stubborn sweetheart, but you must begin to admit you’ve already lost.” He said softly against your ear, trailing kisses down your neck. A chilling shiver went down your spine, crawling your blood with fear.

“I am not going to admit defeat, ever.” You said strongly, staring straight into his eyes. His jaws began to harden, his teeth grinding against each other – but he dropped his gaze and his expression softened.

“I don’t have time for this now; I have an apostate uncle to catch.” Ren said, placing his helmet back on and storming off the room. You closed your eyes shut, tears streaming down your cheeks and rage bubbling inside you. You hastily took the nearest pillow and threw it across the room, kicking down his mantle of ashes. The helmet of Darth Vader stumbled down on the floor, blended with the ashes of thousands of innocent lives Ren has burned throughout his years. Oh how poetic it was, the remembrance of one of the most feared Sith Lord mixed with remains of innocents. You stomped your way to the mask and kicked it down hard – Ren’s inspiration; his dear grandfather.

“Fuck you! If it weren’t for you in the first place, none of this would have happened!” you shouted at the helmet, watching the metal disfigure further more. 

“Wrecking Darth Vader’s helmet isn’t going to save the Jedi Order.” A voice echoed in the room. You stopped attacking the helmet and looked around the room.

“Grandfather?” You asked, pushing your sweat drenched hair out of your face. He hasn’t reached out to you in almost a month. You blew out a breath of relief, taking a seat on the floor.

“I warned you about this, but you didn’t listen.” His voice came again, filled with anger.

“Now is not the time for a lecture, you can do that if I live.” You said, your eyes darting straight to the pin sprawled across the floor. You look down at your restraints and notice that are a lot more fragile than the one’s Ren used to put on you in the beginning. A satisfied smirk creep on your face as you crawl to the pin and begin jamming it down the opening.

XXXX

“We can’t get out of here yet… I need to get a friend out.” Finn said, looking around the armory for your lightsaber. Poe tightly grabbed onto Finn’s armored shoulder, stopping him.

“We don’t have time for your _friend_. We need to get out of here, _now_ , before the rest of these thickheads figure out I’m gone.” Poe said, looking around the armory nervously.

“Look, I’m not leaving without her, okay. Besides, she is of highest importance to the Resistance.” Finn said, finally finding what he had been looking for. He clipped the lightsaber to his belt and motioned Poe to hide behind him. Poe’s eyes dart straight to the slim cylindrical object hanging from the Stormtroopers belt. Poe widens his eyes, touching the cool metal.

“This is a lightsaber. Why do you have a lightsaber?” Poe murmured, pretending to be Finn’s prisoner.

“It belongs to my friend. She’s a Jedi.”

XXXX

After hours of fiddling with the restraints, you finally got them off. You found a wooden stick hanging from the curtains – now at least you have something to defend yourself with. You stopped pacing the room when you sensed someone coming, but it wasn’t Ren. You stood cautiously behind the door, waiting for the assailant. The door slides open and you blew the wooden stick to the Stormtroopers face, stopping inches away.

“What the hell F/N?” Finn askes deliriously. You dropped the stick and press Finn to a tight hug. You had no idea how much you truly missed him after he got stationed to _Finalizer_. Finn returned the hug with equal enthusiasm, with a sense of anxiety lingering behind his mind.

“Finn… what did you do?” You asked, sensing his apprehension. Finn took your arm and cuffed you with a fake pair of restraints.

“We’re getting out of here F/N.” Finn said, looking around suspiciously. “There is no way in hell I am leaving you here.” That was your calling – you did have hope. Tears of joy gushed down your eyes as you pulled Finn to another crashing hug.

“Finn… thank you…” You whispered through his helmet. You wiped the tears from your eyes, giving him a genuine smile. “What are we waiting for?” Finn nodded in response and pushed you in front of him as if you were a prisoner. You put up your mental shields to the full, so there was no way Ren could sense any of your activities. Finn lead you to a maintenance room, carefully opening the room and walking in. A figure from the darkness emerge, launching straight for Finn when you stopped it using the Force.

“Seriously why do y’all have to be so jumpy. It’s just me.” Finn whined, straightening his armor. “Now, let’s get out of here.” Finn said. You release the figure and realize it’s a man with dark hair, in his early thirties.

“Sorry, but you were going to attack my only friend left in this desolate galaxy.” You said, holding out a hand to help him up. Looking at his face, you noticed multiple intrusions and fresh bruises on his cheeks – no doubt he was a prisoner as well… someone from the Resistance judging from his pilot’s outfit. “F/N L/N, Jedi Knight. It’s a pleasure.” 

“L/N… you’re the Jedi? Damn...” He said, his dark eyes trailing across your body. You let out a loud scoff and rolled your eyes, following Finn out. “Sorry for staring, but I didn’t expect to see _this_. I’m Poe, Poe Dameron.” He said confidently, as if you are supposed to know that name. You nod you head slightly and followed Finn to the bridge. You looked at the man next to you from the corner of his eyes; high pride and someone who was of great importance in the Resistance… but someone who was equally dedicated to the cause. This was a man you knew you would come to respect, but you weren’t feeling it right now.

“Calm down, calm down…” Finn mumbled under his breath, his nervousness increasing.

“We are calm.” Poe said quietly, looking around the bridge.

“I’m talking to myself.” Finn said, his voice getting higher. You reached out and lightly tapped his arm lightly.

“Remember what I taught you, breath in and breath out.” You said under your breath, making sure no one was looking. Finn nodded his head through his helmet and pointed us to turn to one of the Tie-fighters. This was it, you were finally doing this. You snapped your fake restraints open and climbed up the ladder. Finn took a seat in the shooting section while Poe took the pilots seat.

“Where the fuck am I supposed to sit?” You asked, squeezing your way inside the fighter.

“Why don’t you take a sit right here on my lap.” Poe said, tapping his thighs. You knitted your eyebrows together and curled up next to Finn. Not that Dameron wasn’t good looking, which he really was, but your life couldn’t be more complicated. “Well, it was worth a shot.” Poe mumbled as he began to fiddle with the controls. You bit down on your bottom lip, thinking how Ren would react.

“You need to stop worrying about him.” Finn said, as he took the guns.

“He made such good progress. I know me leaving now is going to make him worse.” You said, biting your bottom lip. “But I don’t have a choice.”

“How the hell do you work this thing?” Finn said, looking at the controls.

“Know how to shoot a blaster?” Poe asked.

“Yeah.” Finn said, wiping the sweat off his forehead.

“Same concept… God, we’re really doing this.” Poe said, stifling a light chuckle. You curled up into a small ball in the corner of the Tie-fighter, a single tear escaping your eye.

“I’m sorry.”

XXXX

Ren was just informed that you have escaped in a Tie-fighter with the Resistance pilot and a Stormtrooper. Ren clenched his fists, knowing exactly which Stormtrooper it was – the one from the village, FN-2187. He didn’t really realize that you have escape until minutes of standing still in the bridge, everyone waiting timorously for Kylo Ren to have an outburst. Even General Hux had his hands clasped behind his back, waiting for the moment Commander Ren to rip through the ships main controls.

Then it finally hit him, you escaped – you left him. Ren’s fists began to shake violently, his arms not even capable of reaching for his lightsaber. Officers on deck stood back as equipment’s began to shake, tumbling down through an invisible force. A loud crack, and Ren ignited his lightsaber in a flash, slicing through everything before him – equipment’s, control panels, men. His clamorous screams sounded broken through his helmet, echoing through the now empty bridge.

After minutes of destroying anything in his path, Ren turned his lightsaber off and clipped it to his belt, storming off to his quarters when the General stopped him.

“Careful Ren, that your personal _interests’_ not interfere with orders from Leader Snoke.” Hux said, his jaw grinded together.

“I want that map – and most importantly, I want her back. For your sake, I suggest you get them.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> now Kylo truly is a sad boy :'(


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hate this chapter tbh... just breezing through the plot until i get back on the real shit again

You squeezed your eyes shut, trying not to let the harsh sunlight blister through your cornea. You slowly popped one eye open, only to find yourself in the middle of a wreckage, your body half buried in sand. Completely disorientated, you slowly picked your body up, shuffling through the wreckage to find Finn’s bright white armor. You crawled your way through the deep sand, crouching next to Finn’s body. He was still alive – you blew out a breath of relief, nudging him as hard as you could.

“Finn!” You shouted, looking around to see if you could find the pilot anywhere. “Finn, get up!” With that, he snapped his eyes open, breathing heavily as sweat poured down his forehead. You finally realized how truly miserable it was in Jakku… at least that’s where you thought you were. After living in sub-zero temperatures for months in Starkiller base, your body almost couldn’t handle the intense heat of the sun melting through your flesh. Luckily, you were trained as a Jedi to withstand any extreme condition, therefore your body got quickly accustomed to this weather.

“We’re alive?” Finn asked, sitting up shakily.

“Very much so. But I can’t seem to find our Resistant friend.” You said, running to the Tie-fighter. Finn came after you, pulling out Poe’s jacket from the burning Tie-fighter. You paused your movements, feeling the sand beneath you shift. You pull Finn away from the wreckage, watching the fighter slowly sink in the quicksand.

“Can’t believe he’s dead.” Finn commented, shading himself from the sun using the jacket.

“I don’t think he is. I have a feeling he made it out before us.” You assured him with a small smile. Narrowing your eyes, you scanned the endless, desolate horizon filled with dunes of beige sand. “We have to find the town and get a transport out of this nightmare – I sense the First Order is not far behind.”

 XXXX

Ren clenched his fists again, immediately reaching for his lightsaber. A part of Kylo always hated the General; that obnoxious mop of unnatural red hair, and that conceited smirk on his face… sometimes Kylo had the urge to kill him – but this time General Hux gave him a valid reason to severe his head. His lightsaber ignited, Ren marched his way back to the bridge, a low growl escaping his throat. Even though he sensed you was still alive – an attack on your Tie-fighter could have killed you! How dare General Hux initiated direct fire on the Tie-fighter when Kylo Ren explicitly ordered him to bring you back to him unharmed?

Ren arrived to the bridge, his scarlet lightsaber burning through the floor. No one needed instructions to clear the bridge – within seconds everyone cleared off the main control, for the second time that hour! Only General Hux had was still staring out into the pitch darkness, knowing all too well he has managed to tick off Kylo Ren more than before. Hux would be lying if he thought he wasn’t proud of himself. With his back still turned away from Ren, a small smirk quirked on the corner of his lips.

“Do explain to me how many cocks you had to suck to become General? You’re incapable of following a simple instruction!” Ren shouted, marching his way forwards.

“Oh don’t be so pathetic! There were survivors and L/N’s alive.” Hux said, watching the squad take off after the wreckage in Jakku.

“I said unharmed!” Ren screamed again, slashing down the nearest console panel. Hux finally lost his patience. He knitted his eyebrows together and grinded his teeth together, his face becoming flushed.

“Must I remind that you are a Commander of this Shuttle and I’m the General! I did what I needed to – under the order of the Supreme Leader! Do you not realize where your true loyalties lie?” Hux screeched, slamming his fists down. “Even though the Supreme Leader wishes to condition her… it is not in his priority list – do try to remember that.” Hux’s windpipe began shrinking, crashing against each other through the Force. He forced out a cough, his organs quickly being deprived of oxygen 

“I don’t need _you_ to remind me of anything, General.” Ren said coolly, his hand curling as he increased the choke. He let go of his hold on Hux, watching him crash on the floor, coughing for air. A small sneer rose on his lips, hiding behind his helmet – he did thoroughly enjoy the redhead fighting for air. 

“This will not bode well with Leader Snoke, _Commander_ Ren!” Hux spat, getting up to his feet. “I am well aware; the Knights of Ren don’t take softness kindly.” Hux said, massaging his sore neck. Ren took one step closer… his feet firmly pressed to the floor.

“I suggest you start cooperating with me General, because next time, I will make sure I crush you until breath your last.”

XXXX

“Why. The fuck… is it… so motherfucking hot!” Finn said, his breathing becoming shorter. You wiped the pool of sweat from your forehead, narrowing your eyes to see better. “How the hell do you know where you’re going?”

“Shut up Finn, you need to trust the Force, okay!” You said, your voice getting stronger. You sensed you were going in the right direction, but nothing has come up yet, not even a scrap of metal.

“I can’t really trust the Force F/N. I’m not a Jedi.” Finn panted, resting his arms on his knees.

“No but you are mildly Force-Sensitive.” You scowled, grabbing him but the jacket. “I sense we are near, now let’s go – remember, the First Order is still on our tail!” you dragged his limp body until you found what you were looking for – the Neema Outpost 

“God you’re a bitch sometimes.” Finn murmured, rolling his way down the sand dune. “Fuck I need water. Why aren’t you thirsty?” Finn asked, brushing off the sand from his scavenged jacket.

“I was trained to not eat or drink for days on… just like you’ll be as soon as when we get out of this mess.” You said, walking towards the small town in the junk planet.

“I’m going to face hell soon.” Finn said, crooking his eyebrows together.

“See, you’re using the Force already.” You said with a small smile. “Now let’s find you something to drink.” Finn walked ahead of you, running around the small town desperately 

“I don’t have time for that everlasting patience of yours.” Finn said, panting against a pole. You reached out and pinched his shoulder, making him wince.

“Look there.” You said, pointing to a bantha drinking out of a well. Finn didn’t take a moment to wait, running off to the contaminated watering hole and sinking his face in. You wrinkled your nose, smelling the stench of the water from where you were standing. Finn moved his face away from the water, almost wanting to puke, but dived back in again.

“That was nasty.” Finn commented, wiping his face. “How do you plan on getting a transport – we don’t have no cash.” You crossed your arms over your chest, looking for the weakest prey to trick.

“There are other ways to persuade than money.” You said, your eyes shifting to a drift in the Force.

“You aren’t going to sleeping with people here too, are you?” Finn asked, observing the same girl you were over your shoulder.

“Fuck you Finn.” You mumbled as you watched two humanoids attack the girl. You leaned against a pole and watched he fight off the perpetrators by herself, even though Finn hurried off to her rescue.

_Strange_ – that’s all you could think… there was something about the girl that was eerily familiar to you. But your eyes darted to something else… the orange and white BB unit Poe Dameron told you about. Whatever happened now, you needed to keep that droid safe no matter what.

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I can assure you this drag will be over soon

Did flying always make you this nauseous? After the girl stabilizes the ‘junk ship’ that just saved everyone’s lives, you crawled your way back to main hanger, throwing up the bitter bile stunk at the pit of your belly ever since you got onboard. No, flying never made you this nauseous, but the escape you just had wasn’t flying… it was hovering so that we wouldn’t crash. You always did detest flying.

“Seriously, what the hell is wrong with you?” You hear Finn’s voice over you. You hastily wiped your mouth, standing up shakily to your feet. “You don’t just puke at someone’s ship, it’s rude."

“Flying makes me sick.” You gritted through your teeth, running your fingers through your plastered hair. You sense confusion and concern from your younger companions, looking at each other with uncertainty.

“You don’t look so well. Are you sure you’re alright?” The girl asked as you took a seat in the dust cover chair, mistakenly turning on the holo-chess game. You managed to give a weak nod, resting your head against the holo-chess table. From under the table, you sense Finn handing you something. Feeling your fingers around the familiar cool metal, you shot your head up, looking up at him in surprise.

“Sorry I didn’t give it to you earlier… it’s not like we caught a break until now.” He said in a whisper, a wicked smile running across his lips.

“How’d you manage to get this?” You asked, clipping your lightsaber to your belt.

“It was in the armory.” Finn said proudly. You crash him in a tightening hug, a genuine smile tugging at your lips after such a long time.

“Thank you so much Finn, you have no idea what this means to me.” You said, releasing him. Finn nodded shyly, fiddling with his fingers. You crooked your eyebrows and looked inside his thoughts, smiling to yourself. “You want to tell her about us, don’t you?” 

“Look, if it weren’t for her, we would be back in the hands of the First Order. She deserves the truth.” Finn said, getting up from the chair. You agreed with him, nodding carefully and looking that the scavenger fixing the ship console. What was it about this girl that made you so uneasy and familiar? Your eyes darted to the droid, still in prime condition.

“You’re okay? Don’t worry, they’re with the Resistance.” The girl said to the droid, making it beep in confusion. Finn’s eyes dart to you, filled with guilt. You nod your head slowly and tell him to proceed.

“I don’t know your names.” The girl said, looking up and you and Finn.

“I’m Finn.” Finn said slowly.

“I’m F/N.” You said with a smile, running your fingers through your hair.

“I’m Rey.” She said with a smile. You abruptly drop your hands as your blood runs cold. That name… that name sounds so awfully familiar. You looked at the girl, waiting for a last name, but it never came.

“Look Rey, We’re not-“ Finn continues when a loud explosion fills the air. You were so lost in your thought that you flinched when the pipelines exploded, making sparks fly. Your instincts truly were nothing like they used to be. 

“Quick, help me with this.” The three of you ran to the base and removed the cover. Rey quickly disappeared under, checking through the wiring frantically.

“It’s the motivator.” Rey said, pointing Finn to the tape. Before Finn realized what she was pointing to, you took it and threw it at her, making her smile. “Look if we don’t patch this up quick, the ship is going to be filled with poisonous gas!”

“We need to get out of this System, and fast!” you said, rummaging through the bag of tools to find anything that can be useful.

“BB-8 said he knows the location of the base, if you want me get you out of here, I need to know.” Rey said, tightening the motivator wiring. You were too preoccupied with the ship to realize when Rey shot her head up, her voice high-pitched.

“The Illinium System?” Rey asked bewilderedly, looking at you and Finn. Both you and Finn nod in unison as you get back to the ship. This motivator really was busted, and fixing this up wasn’t going to be an easy job.

“I thought you said you didn’t like flying, but you do certainly know your way around a ship.” Rey said, looking over at you as you fiddled with the wiring.

“I was taught basic mechanics as a child, always came in handy.” You said, wiping the smudge off your face.

“Look, I can drop you as far as Nemi Terminal.” Rey said, propping her head up.

“Why, what about you?” Finn asked, throwing her safety tape.

“I’ve got to get back to Jakku.” Rey said, making you scowl at her.

“Jakku… what does everybody go back to Jakku?” Finn asked, his voice lingering with frustration.

“I don’t want to go back there ever again.” You mumbled, taping the wires together.

“Rey, I don’t get it. You’re a pilot, you can fly anywhere – why go back? You got a boyfriend, cute boyfriend?” Finn kneeled nervously, making you giggle at his hopelessness. 

“None of your business, that’s why.” Rey answered sternly. You sense a familiar presence when the power of the ship goes off.

“That can’t be good.” Finn murmured under his breath, looking around.

“No, it probably isn’t.” You said, running back to the cockpit. Looking up from the window, you saw a huge carrier approaching.

“Something’s locked onto us, all controls are off.” Rey said breathlessly. You carefully kept looking at the ship. This wasn’t First Order.

“It’s the First Order.” Finn said breathlessly.

“Probably not, but it’s nothing good either.” You said, walking back to the main hanger.

“Wait, Rey, you said poisonous gas.” You said, crunching your nose.

“But I just fixed that.” Rey continued.

“Can you unfix it?”

XXXX

Ren stood in front of the control panel, frozen still. He sensed the nervousness of Lieutenant behind him, clearly this throat as sweat dripped down his forehead. Ren felt his take off his cap, coughing nervously again.

“We were unable to retrieve the droid, and the Jedi from Jakku, my Lord.” He said nervously. Ren clenched his fist, ready to ram it through the Lieutenant’s ribs any second.

“Anything else.” Kylo managed to grit out through his teeth, knowing all too well worse news was about to come his way.

“The droid is on board a Cornelian TY freighter.” He answered immediately, his hands visibly shaking.

“A droid stole a freighter?” Ren asked in disbelief, clenching his fists tighter together.

“It… It had help… sir.” He continued nervously. “We believe FN-2187 and Knight L/N may have aided it.” Hearing your name made Ren’s heart crash against his ribcage, immediately reaching for lightsaber and igniting the blazing blade.

“Is that it?” Kylo asked, his breathing becoming heavier.

“The three were accompanied by another girl-“ Ren reached out to the Force, dragging the Lieutenant’s pathetic body and closing his fingers around his neck. It was bad enough F/N and the droid still hadn’t been caught, now there was another pathetic lifeform that he needed to crush.

“What girl?”

XXXX

You closed the gas mask over you safely, making sure it was on tight. Finn’s eyes were scanning the door, making loud noises. There weren’t many presences outside, only two, as far as you could sense – but one of them sensed so eerily familiar.

“Hurry!” Finn hissed under his breath as Rey worked on tearing up the motivator again. You dragged Finn back down and closed the latch above you, closing your eyes to concentrate on the Force. You could feel two sets of feet walking on the platform above, one much larger than that of an average man… a Wookie? You braced yourself as you sensed them approaching closer, knowing that that found you. Your hand unconsciously closed around your lightsaber, ready to attack the second the lip slid off. The three of you were greeted by an elderly human holding a standard blaster at you.

You immediately knew who he was… he was no threat – far from it actually. Taking a long breath, you looked up at the older man in disbelief, having a hard time grasping the fact it truly was the man who visited the Jedi Academy frequently – and that it was the father of the monster you just had to fall in love with.

“Where are the others?” Han Solo asked, looking at you three suspiciously. “Who’s the pilot?”

“I’m the pilot.” Rey answered immediately, leaning her back with fear.

“You?” Han asked in disbelief. You were still looking at him without blinking, making the older man slightly nervous. The Wookie made a loud noise, your eyes still not shifting away from Han Solo.

“No it’s true, we are the only one’s onboard.” Rey answered the Wookie.

“You can understand that thing?” Finn asked Rey, his eyes shifting over to you.

“And that thing can understand you, so watch it.” Han said as your removed the mask and climbed out, nervously running your fingers through your tangled hair. Han asked Rey a series of questions about where his ship was. This… was the Millennium Falcon? The ship you have been on countless times with Master Skywalker? You looked around and notice it was indeed the Falcon, just completely beat-down.

“This is the Millennium Falcon… you’re Han Solo?” Rey asked in awe, following Han to the cockpit. You moved Rey asked, trying to get Han’s attention.

“You don’t remember me, do you?” You asked, watching his expression turn into a frown. “I have actually been on this ship, many times before… My Master knew I hated flying and he used to send me on missions with you.” Han’s eyes widened as he stepped closer to you, his face becoming paler.

“F/N… you’re alive.” He asked his disbelief. You nodded slowly, throwing your arms around his shoulders.

“I’m the only one.” You said, a single teardrop escaping your eyes. “And he’s okay…” You said, your voice in a bare whisper. You felt the older man smile, nodding his head shakily.

“I am glad to see you lived kid.” He said, clearing his voice. “Chewie, throw the other two in a pod and drop them in the nearest inhabitant planet.”

“No, wait, Han… they’re with me and we need your help.” You said, following him as he paced his ship. “That droid has to get to the Resistance Base as soon as possible – he’s carrying a map to Master Skywalker.” You said, your voice cracking. This made Han stop in his tracks, looking back at you. You crooked your eyes and looked up, sensing trouble crawling by followed by a noise from outside the freighter.

“Great, don’t tell me a Raptor has gotten loose.”

XXXX

You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to block out Rey and Han trying to figure out what was wrong with the hyperdrive. Obviously there was something wrong… who initiates light speed still in dock? You could feel the sweat beading at your forehead, slowly pouring down. You would be perfectly fine and at your best if you were put amidst a battle right now... but flying. You remembered now, Han Solo was crazy… and his son definitely inherited his craziness, but was way worse. You finally popped your eyes open when Rey bypassed the compressor. 

“Still hate flying?” Han asked with a smile, patting your shoulders. You smiled curtly, taking a seat next to a very fatigue Finn. “By the way, good job kid.”

“Thanks.” Finn answered, turning off the holo-chess game.

“So, fugitives huh? That’s a big step down for you F/N.” Han said, shaking his head.

“I survived on womp rats for ten years, I consider it a big improvement.” You said with a smile, your gaze turning serious again. “The First Order wants the map.”

“Finn is with the Resistance, and you obviously know F/N.” Rey said, walking up from behind you. “I’m just a scavenger.”

“You’re not just a scavenger Rey.” You said, placing your hands on her shoulders and giving her a reassuring smile. “BB-8, let’s see what you got.” The droid looked at you and turned on the projection of a partial map, feeling you with despair and disappointment.

“This map is fucking incomplete!” you said harshly, slamming your fist against the door. You immediately felt all eyes on you from your little outburst, making your cheeks redden with embarrassment. “Sorry.”

“He’s had a bad influence on you.” Finn said, making Han’s thoughts scream with alarm as he looked at you again. You dropped your eyes, wavering from that conversation to happen.

“So many thousands have been looking for this map.” You said, walking through the projection of the star charts.

“Why did he leave?” Rey asked. You crooked your eyebrows, not wanting to remember anything and looked at Han for help.

“He was training a new generation of Jedi. One boy… and apprentice of his turned against him and destroyed it all. Luke felt responsible and walked away from everything.” Han said as you toyed with your lightsaber nervously, your throat feeling like wood.

“F/N… you never said what happened to him.” Finn asked, looking at you.

“Lot of rumors – stories. People that knew him best, think that he went looking for the first Jedi Temple.” Han said, drawing you away from your thought. 

“The Jedi were real.” Rey asked, completely mesmerized, making Finn scoff. 

“Of course they were real, we had the only other surviving one with us this whole time.” Finn said, tapping your shoulders playfully. You watched Rey’s eyes widen with awe, looking at you through a new light.

“You… you’re a Jedi?” Rey asked, almost stumbling back.

“Technically never finished my training, but yes, I am.” You said with a smile, pointing at your lightsaber.

“You want my help, you’re getting it. We’re here to see an old friend, she’ll get you help.” Han said, pointing his finger at you. “And we need to have a conversation.”

 XXXX

“The Resistance has the map, and it will lead them straight to Luke Skywalker… the last Jedi Master.” Snoke shouted, rising from his throne.

“Sir, I take full responsibility-“ Hux continued.

“General!” Snoke shouted again, making Hux flinch. “We need to change our methods.”

“The weapon, it’s ready my Lord.” Hux said. “We must crush the government that is aiding the Resistance… the Republic. Without them, the Resistance has nothing.” Snoke sat back down on his throne, resting his chin against his hand.

“Yes… oversee the preparations.” Snoke ordered, waving him away. Hux turned his gaze to the still masked figure next to him, flashing him a cruel smile before marching off. Snoke’s attention now was bored completely on Ren, kneeling closer to him.

“There’s been an awakening, have you felt it?” Snoke asked.

“Yes my Lord.” He answered, his voice monotone and stripped of emotions.

“She is getting stronger... the Force is different with her now.” Snoke said, looking up into the light projection. Ren flinched slightly, not wanting to show the Supreme leader his weakness towards you.

“Hence the reason why it’s adamant we get her back and force her to turn to the Dark Side.” Ren said, unclenching his fists. “With no mercy this time.”

 

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You discover something that really will ruin your life soon...  
> in your case, it's not necessarily a miracle.

Your sleep was quite restless. Finding a personal chamber in the _Millennium Falcon_ , you curled up and immediately drifted off to a deep sleep, yet it became restless. You could feel your bare back hit the cold metal wall – panting, moaning, and drenching wet. Nails racked into the surface of the wall, screeching noises as your fingers dug into the surface. You felt the familiar hands ghost over your naked form… running over your curves, cupping your ass whilst giving it a light slap.

“Are you sorry that you left me?” you felt soft plump lips graze your ear, the deep baritone voice shaking your core.

“No…” you whispered back breathlessly. Fingers tangled through your hair, pulling your head closer in a sharp fistful. His lips grazed over your earlobes again, so softly that it made you crave his touch more.

“Liar.” He growled, pushing your body back against the wall and leaning your head back. Your exposed neck trailed down a line of sweat, hot tongue swiping up the liquid clean off. Your throat choked with soft whimpers, his teeth nibbling your throat hard. “I will find you again, and you’ll be mine forever…” His voice was harsh as he pulled your legs apart, plunging into you without mercy. A loud groan escaped your lips as he ravaged your walls with a strong thrust, deep inside you. Your eyelids fluttered, slowly closing as your juices slicked around his twitching cock, pulling out of you momentarily before plunging back in.

“You don’t care about me Kylo, all you care about is yourself and the higher power of the Dark Side, which doesn’t exist.” You panted, his body close to yours. His arm snaked around waist, pulling you close to his body, both slick with sweat. This other hand played with your oversensitive clit, making you purr loudly. He gave out a low grunt, almost howling like a hungry animal devouring its prey. His pace became stronger, pushing in and out faster as each hit your cervix, popping your head with a mixture of pain and pleasure. 

“Hmmm… you deserve to know your true potential… you have been blinded by the light for far too long…” he purred against the crook of your neck, placing soft kisses across the bruises he created. You almost forgot how good this felt – how good he felt inside you. Your nails dug deep on his back, scratching the soft, porcelain skin. “Do you have any idea how beautiful… and _powerful_ you are?”

“Yes, I do… I- I don’t… need your words… of wisdom.” You moaned, becoming a whimpering mess in his arms. You could feel yourself coming close, vision becoming impaired. His breath was hot in your face, drawing closer to your lips as everything became a blur.

“Just come back…” his voice was soft, almost pained. His thrusts became sloppy, seemly disappointed that he couldn’t go deeper. His soft voice made your heart contract, his mouth brushing against yours for a lingering kiss.

“I’m sorry…”

You almost screamed as you came, opening your eyes to still find yourself in the small, clustered bunker of the _Millennium Falcon,_ your hands still inside your pants, fingers inside your twitching walls. Breathing heavy, your looked around, clothes drenched in sweat and pants soaked in your juices of arousal. Withdrawing your fingers and wiping the liquid, you swung your leg from the bed, checking the time.

“This is not how the Force is meant to be used…” you groaned, tying up your sweat covered hair. You ran to the mirror quickly to see if the bruises that happened in your dream were actually there now. Checking your neck, and chest, it was all clear… only fading love bites from before, only haunting memories now. Walking out to the bridge, you were bombarded with a very troubled Finn, taking your shoulders and shaking you.

“You were screaming.” He said, eyes completely bewildered. You could feel your cheeks heat up, remembering how Ren made you orgasm from star systems away.

“Had a nightmare… of sorts…” you mumbled, trying to brush off the conversation. You could feel Han’s gaze on you, a particular sense of curiosity towards you. He was obviously challenged by the nature of your relationship with his son, but thankfully he didn’t know. It was far better for people to think you were his captive, rather than… what were you to him really? Trying not to cloud your judgement with such thoughts, you turned when the hyper-drive began beeping, noting your arrival.

“You want my help, you’re getting it. We are here to see a friend. She’ll get you right home.” Han said, pressing some buttons on the console. You looked back to make sure Rey and Finn weren’t looking, before drawing closer.

“You aren’t coming?” you asked, almost in a whisper. Han avoided looking at your eye, giving you the signal that this conversation was over. He shook his head and pulled the ship out of hyper-space.

“This is her stop.”

XXXX

Ren snapped his eyes open, his silk sheets choking his as sweat flooded his body. He still wasn’t used to sleeping alone. Turning to his side, he traced where your pillow used to be, imagining your back turned to him, still sleeping.

Sentiment – it was the one thing Kylo Ren was truly afraid of – sentiment and failure. Sentiment led to his grandfather’s failure, and the motto for the Knights of Ren has thus been changed. No attachments – that was the rule. Passion, yes, the dark side thrived under passion… but died under love. Now flat on his back, he was more confused than ever; he knew what he wanted more – and that was to be the most powerful Dark Force user in existence. He would use his power to wipe off the Supreme Leader and the First Order, and establish a reign completely at his mercy. He was wanted nothing more in his life until today. His Adam’s Apple bobbled nervously, choking down a weak whimper.

What has happened to him now? Currently, he wanted nothing more than have to by this side, to hold the warmth of your body… to place kisses along your perfect curves… to watch you writhe under him… or to hear your gasps of pleasure as he penetrated you deep. Sentiment was destroying him. Letting a small tear fall from the corner of his eye, he took your pillow and threw it in the air furiously, frying it with a zap of force-lightning… watching it crisp into ashes.

XXXX

You watched Rey run out of the ramp, looking around her with awe, like a child would in a candy store. After spending such a long time with nothing but bitterness, it was nice to see that people still sought joy from simple things. You were only twenty-five, and you already felt as if your whole life has been nothing but rotting waste. Takodana was truly beautiful, overlay of lush green as far as your eyes can stretch.

You took the time to curl in the ground, try to meditate. You heard faint voices behind you, mostly Rey asked Han questions “What’s she doing?”

“She’s meditating. Force users do that… helps them concentrate or whatever.” With your eyes still closed, your lips turned up to a small smile, getting up from a brief meditation. “Chewie, patch up the ship as much as you can.”

“Solo, what are we doing here again?” Finn asked, trying to keep up the pace with you and Han.

“We need a clean ship. The _Millennium Falcon_ has been labeled by the First Order, hence it would be easy to trace.” You said, briefly looking at Han. “We can’t have them follow us to the Resistance Base.”

“She’s right.” Han said, giving you a brief smile. “You guys don’t know, but you guys have the honor to know one of the best Jedi padawan’s… the only one left now.” Han said, his voice drifting.

“I wasn’t the best Han. Ben was.” You said, looking at him coldly. Han could feel a spike of fear rise in his mind, eyes flashing rapidly. Thankfully, Finn had no idea Ben was in fact Kylo Ren’s name. Han coughed nervously, leading you to an ancient cantina.

“Want to get BB-8 to the Resistance, Maz Kanata is out best bet.” Han said, walking up the stairs.

“We can trust her, right?” Finn asked nervously.

“Relax kid, she has been running this watering hole for a thousand year. Maz is a bit of an acquired taste, let me do the talking, and whatever you do… don’t stare.” Han said, pausing before opening the door.

“Stare at what?” Finn and Rey asked in unison.

“Any of it.” You said, pulling your hood up and entering the musty cantina. The air lingered with the smell of booze, sweat and stench of strange creatures from all corners of the galaxy – truly did remind you of your time as a troubled teenager. You sensed a Force-sensitive from across the cantina, alarming your senses. Your eyes darted to a small woman, vibrant orange skin, looking directly at you. 

“Han Solo!” she shouted, making the whole cantina pause. Your hand slowly curled up to your lightsaber under your cloak, eyeing everything with suspicion. Han gestured you to lower your guard, waving his hand at the small, old woman. 

“Hey Maz.” Han replied awkwardly as you watched the cantina resume its shifty activities. The small woman stopped in front of Han, looking at everyone in the group before resuming.

“Where’s my boyfriend?” She asked, blinking through her obtusely powerful lenses, making her eyes look enormous.

“He’s working on the Falcon.” Han said, his arms crossed over his chest.

“I like that Wookie. I assume you need something… desperately. Let’s get to it.”

 XXXX

“A map, to Skywalker himself?” Maz asked, strangely amused. “You’re right back in the mess!” Maz chuckled.

“We need to get this droid, and the only other surviving Jedi to Leia.” Han whispered, his eyes almost pleading. Maz cracked another bemused smile, corner of her eyes wrinkling as she looked at you.

“No.” She said, her voice cheery. You exchanged glances between Finn and Rey, who looked just as startled as you did. Maz was wise… and impossible to read. You looked back at Maz, who was looking at Han now. “You have been running away from this for far too long. Han, go home!”

“Leia doesn’t want to see me…” Han said, taking a sip of his drink. You leaned closer to the table, looking at the old woman.

“Please, we came here for your help.” Finn interrupted.

“What fight?” Rey asked, taking hungry bites of her food.

“The only fight… against the Dark Side.” Maz continued, her gaze shifting towards you momentarily before turning back to Rey. “I’ve seen evil take many forms – the Sith, the Empire… today, it is the First Order.” Maz said. Without warning, Maz began to sniff the air and turn towards you, adjusting her glasses to get a closer look. Once again unable to read her, you looked at Han, leaning back in your chair nervously as the small woman crawled over to you.

“I knew your grandfather.” She said, tilting her head to the side. “He was one of the most powerful Jedi’s to have ever existed… must be hard to live under his shadow.” Maz said, still hunched over to you.

“Yes… I can hear his disappointment in my head right now…” You said, a hint of dry humor.

“You will fall into that chapter too you know… your fight against the Dark Side has been like no one else’s… yet you still held onto the Light.” Maz said, drawing so close to you, that you could feel her breath against your skin. “How long have you known?”

“How long have I known what?” You asked, sensing whatever she was about to say was something you didn’t want to hear.

“That you’re carrying the child to Darkness itself?” Maz said, leaning back in the chair. “You’re two months pregnant.”

You could feel all eyes on you on the table – Finn choking on his food and murmuring a line of curses loudly… Han looked at you with disbelief, and a wave of fear realizing who the father was… and you – your heart stopping and your blood running cold. You tried to speak, but no words came out. With a slight tremor in your hand, you continued.

“That’s… not true…” you stuttered under your breath, feeling all blood drain from your body. “I – I can’t be… no…”

“That fucking bastard got your pregnant!” Finn cursed, slamming his fist hard on the table. “You should have escaped before he got to you-“

“I’m not pregnant!” you shouted, making Rey flinch unwantedly. Shakily, you reached up to wipe the line of sweat in your forehead, pushing your hair back. “I can’t be.”

“It’s a fact you cannot deny.” Maz said, watching your shaking body. “And it’s a fact no one must ever find out… especially Kylo Ren. Han, you have to take her to the Resistance base, explain this to Leia. This is your problem now more than ever.”

“Why is this his problem?” Finn asked furiously. “It’s her problem more than anything – you guys have no fucking idea what Ren is capable of… or what he has done to her! I do!”

“Finn, shut the fuck up!” You gritted through your teeth, waterfall of sweat pouring down your forehead.

“Han, this is your grandchild. You need to hide her where Kylo can’t find her-“

“Grandchild?” Rey asked, dropping her food. “Kylo Ren is your son?”

“What the actual fuck is going on…” Finn mumbled. You couldn’t handle this anymore. Swiftly getting up from your chair, you turned around and ran towards the door, running as fast as you could until you were in depths of the woods. Stopping at your tracks, you crashed to yours knees, throwing up the bile stored in the pit of your stomach. Why was this happening to you?

XXXX

“He hurt you didn’t he?” Han asked, crouching down next to your whimpering body. 

“At first, but no… he didn’t.” you said, wiping the mixture of salt and tears from your face.

“I remembered – he used to have a crush on you when you were kids… but never had the guts to tell you.” Han said, a faint smile crossing his lips.

“I know…” you said, letting out a dry laugh. “The relationship between Ben and I… is not less than complicated.”

“Do you love him?” Han asked suddenly, his ears burning red. You looked down at your fingernails, thinking about the question for a moment before answering.

“I – I don’t know… I guess you can call it an acute case of Stockholm Syndrome.” You said, looking up before continuing, “The Ben Solo I knew – who was your son, is still there… trust me. I know…” You said, face streaming down with tears once again. “I know there’s still good in him-“

“He’s just too desperate to be like his grandfather.” He said, almost irritably, getting up and pacing back and forth.

“As am I trying to be like mine… but that’s not his problem. Kylo Ren is nothing more than a puppet for the First Order. He doesn’t realize it now, but sooner or later, he will discover, he holds no real power…” You said, your knees still dug deep in the ground. “As soon as Snoke gets his hands on me and successfully manipulates me, he will kill your son.”

“And is far worse now that you’re pregnant.” Han said, brushing his vest. “Snoke cannot know… under any circumstances. An offspring of you and him would undoubtedly be highly Force-Sensitive.”

“That’s true-“ You cut of mid-sentence, jolting up to your feet as a tremor in the Force froze your brain. You stood there, frantically looking around like a maniac before igniting your lightsaber, burst of soft green. “They are coming, and I think something terrible is about to happen.”

You and Han began running full speed back to the entrance of the Cantina, where you heard brief screams and gasps of people as they stared up into the atmosphere, watching jolts of red light shoot across the sky.

“What the hell is that?” Han asked, standing next to Finn. 

“That’s Hux’s precious weapon.” You scowled. “But I have no idea what it actually-“ your heart contracted, knowing what exactly it does. You could feel billions scream in panic as they saw the flash approach, taking their last breath.

“Not a good day for the Republic.” Finn mumbled, looking at you.

“He’s coming.” You said when Rey stopped you.

“Maz told me to give you this.” Rey handed you a lightsaber… a lightsaber you haven’t seen before. You left Han gasp behind you, looking over your shoulder.

“This is Luke’s old lightsaber which he lost in Cloud City. How did she find this?” Han asked. You looked down and examined the lightsaber carefully. It was at least seventy years old… a design from the Golden Age of the Republic… your grandfather’s era.

“This is Anakin Skywalker’s lightsaber?” You said, almost amazed by holding the precious, fragile relic in your hand. A beam of bright blue shot out as you ignited the lightsaber, appreciating its power in your hands. “This is amazing…”

“You don’t have time for this F/N, we need to get you out of here.” Han said pushing you towards the _Falcon_ when you stopped him.

“Han, I’m not going anywhere. You of all people should know what our morals are – we don’t run.” You said, clipping the old lightsaber to your belt. “I have spent almost half my life running… I just can’t run anymore.” Everyone’s eyes shot up when Tie-fighters and Star Destroyers approach the Takodanian atmosphere. You ignited both the lightsabers and ran towards the Tie-fighters, deflecting blaster shots with both hands.

“I don’t have a weapon.” Finn said, looking around frantically. You turned off the Skywalker lightsaber and handed it to him.

“Use it well. You’re gonna have to learn eventually.” You added with a wink. You skillfully deflected blaster shots firing, but stopped when you saw Ren’s Command Shuttle landing. You held your lightsaber, gripping it tightly in your hands. The black cloaked figure emerged, and you could immediately feel his satisfaction creeping through the air. He found you – and now he was determined to take you back, more than ever.

Ren ignited his lightsaber, cross-guards ignited soon after, and approached you slowly. Unlike last time, you now knew exactly what Kylo’s fighting style was… what his weaknesses were. You have dueled against him countless times these past few months – and most of the time you won. Lightsaber duels were always your strong point… and manipulating the Force was his.

You didn’t say a word, just blocked every single of his angry blows, hearing his cries of fury and frustration. You weren’t gaining satisfaction from this… seeing him fail – but it needed to be done. “You are coming back with me, right now!” he shouted through his mask, his voice cracking through his voice corder. You weren’t compelled to reply – keeping your head calm and fighting on made him only more frustrated, more tried.

Until you were bombarded with blaster fires from behind you, forcing you to turn around and deflect. Ren turned his lightsaber, standing close behind you. “You cheated again, you bastard.” You murmured, closing in to the brink of tears.

“You should know by now…” he waved his hand as you immediately descended into darkness, falling pliantly on his arms. “I am not a fair person.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY IT TOOK A WHILE TO POST. Fuck, the last few days have been crazzyyyy.  
> I'm back in California after traveling for two fucking days on the plane - ugh. I should get used to this by now, but it's always annoying :(  
> My first day back, I discovered like fifty people are coming people and I have to host while jet lagged.  
> Then I get dragged to another frat party the next day, and some psycho comes in with a knife and starts stabbing people so i had to gtfo (everyone's alive, but it was scary.)  
> and today was finally the first day of class... hence Junior Year begins... :(


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You find yourself once again in the hands of your old captor, who was more in conflict with himself than ever before. In an attempt to comfort him, you discover what Snoke is making him do to stay loyal to the Dark Side, making you question your views on Ren. 
> 
> So much Bi-polar Ren, crylo Ren, asshole Ren, angry Ren and angst you might die. Also, not a good day for Reader  
> *TRIGGER* explicit rape

You woke up in a dim room, filled with nothing but overwhelming darkness. Your aching body was resting still on a rock-hard mattress, your arms bound with heavy chains. Crooking your eyebrows, you unconsciously reached for your waist, noticing your lightsaber was gone. _Of course it was gone… that fucking asshole cheated, again_! Shivering as the icy cold air hit your skin, spreading goosebumps, you felt heavy breathing in the corner of the dark room. You narrowed your eyes, noticing a dark figure slumped over the side, his broad shoulder heaving.

“Why the fuck can’t you just leave me alone?” you whispered, voice completely raspy. “Better if, just kill me already.” You said, trying to soothe your aching arms as the chains dragged down to your bones.

“You know I can’t do that.” Kylo said, his helmet already removed as his normal voice filled the air. He was still invisible, like a shadow melted in darkness. You narrowed your eyes again, trying to make out his form, but he moved back, leaving you with nothing but a ghostly voice. “You’ve seen the map.”

“Yeah, so?” you said, hugging yourself as another cold wave hit your skin. “It’s not like you can _extract_ it from my mind.” You rested your back against the cool wall, huddling your knees to keep yourself warm. He leaned over slightly, giving you a glimpse of the side of his face, his usual warm eyes staring at you with coldness.

“Would you like me to try?” He said emotionlessly, lifting his hand up. You closed your eyes shut, putting up your mental shields. Your heart contracted as you could feel him concentrating harder, making tears sting your eyes. The pain was blinding, but you needed all your power and training to keep him away from your mind – you had two things to hide from him now. “You know I can break it eventually.”

You panted, sweat pearling in your forehead as air began to thicken from the atmosphere. “Still, you’re – only… fear… is not being as powerful as… Vader.” You choked out, making him stumble back, breathing hard. You crunched yourself closer, wiping the line of sweat from your forehead. “You still don’t get it, do you?”

Kylo didn’t answer, instead, he covered his face with his large palm, blending his pale complexion into the darkness. You could still feel him shivering from your intrusion – he was clearly not nearly as focused as the very first time he interrogated you; but then again, everything changed in the past few months. “You have too much light in you now…” Kylo said, his voice almost hoarse.

“Thank you.” You said, crawling closer to his figure. He was not being himself, and you didn’t know if that was to your benefit or far more alarming. What have you done to him? Kylo Ren shook, sitting in darkness, his fear and pain choking you. “What’s wrong with you?” You asked, moving as close as you could to him. His face was still hidden within the darkness, and all you could hear were soft whimpers. Biting your lower lip, you reached your hands for his raven locks, skimming your fingers through his thick hair.

“I don’t think I can do it…” Kylo said, his usual deep voice hoarse. He leaned into your touch, as a vulnerable child would seek comfort of a parent. “Why am I so weak?”

“I know you’re afraid. I can sense it.” You said, your voice soft. “If it’s tearing you apart so much, means it’s not worth it.” Your fingers slipped through his hair, unraveling his smooth hair. You reached for his lap, slowly settling in and cupping his face. “And, as much as I hate to admit it, you are anything but weak.”

“Our perception of weakness is very different F/N.” Kylo said, resting his face in between your chest, burying his head against your cleavage. Your skin prickled with goosebumps as he nuzzled against your bare skin, inhaling your smell. “I shouldn’t feel like this… about you.” You knit your eyebrows together, your chin placed casually on the top of his head.

“Having feelings for another person isn’t weakness.” You whispered, his skin soothingly warm under your cold fingers. Reaching for his chin, you tilted his head so his eyes cold meet yours – eyes hollow yet bubbling with lust. Running your tongue across your cracking lips, you slowly reached for his as your heart began breathing faster. His soft warm mouth engulfed your, desperately seeking entry into your mouth as his tongue dominated yours. He moaned into your mouth, low growls vibrating in his throat as he gripped your waist, digging his calloused fingers hard into your flesh. You winced as he increased his pressure in your waist, fingers attempting to claw down to your bone. Pulling back as you tried to catch air, you gaped at him in shock as his eyes grew darker, low animalistic grunts escaping his throat.

“That’s where you’re wrong.” He hissed through his teeth, his emotions suddenly clouding on you. His snake-like voice made a cold shiver run down your spine, your hip throbbing with pain as his nails bruised you. “Sentiment will _destroy_ you!”

“Stop Kylo, you’re hurting me.” You said, trying to wiggle away from his touch, but he kept holding onto you.

“It all began when you showed up in my life.” He gritted through his teeth, gripping your jaw with all his force. “Reminding me of the _weak_ , Ben Solo…” without warning, he sank his teeth onto your neck, hard enough to nearly draw blood. Your lips quivered as low sobs gurgled in your throat, the painful sensation of his teeth dragging across your sensitive skin. “Ben Solo is _dead_!” he let go of your throbbing neck, placing soft kisses along the bruises almost apologetically.

“Let. Go. Of. Me.” You grinded your jaw together, trying to push his face away from you. He tightened his grip around your waist, forcing you to press his body against yours. His hands found its way under your shirt, skimming his hands over your skin with desperate roughness.

“Stop struggling, I know you want this; I can feel it.” He moaned, his teeth clasping onto the hem of your shirt, ripping it off in one swift motion. The cold air hit your skin like a blizzard, making you shiver and seek heat from his body. “I bet you are dripping for me right now.” He said, working impatiently to unhook your bra. You looked up deliriously as he ripped the straps open with his bare teeth, cupping your breasts and pinching your sensitive nipples into painful stiff peaks. He was at least a foot taller than you, whilst using all his strength to keep you in place. It was nearly impossible to escape from his burly frame, but your hand managed to fly out and strike his face as hard as you could, watching his pasty skin turn red.

“You are a fucking cunt!” you spat, trying to ignore the pain as he attempted to crush your bones with his weight, wrapping his arms tighter around you. His jaw tightened has his hand grasped your palm, crushing your bones.

“You’re going to regret that.” He said coldly, his eyes dynamically becoming darker as lust and hunger swam in his pupils. You pressed your lips into a thin line, whimpering as your hand burned from his hold.

“You don’t have to do this…” you begged, tears leaking from the corner of your eyes. Drawing in a sharp breath through his nose, he looked up at you, his eyes suddenly turning helpless and water. One blink and a single tear ran down his reddened cheeks, his jaw set.

“I don’t want to… but I _need_ to.” He growled, picking you up and throwing you against the hard mattress. You head smashed against the wall upon landing, a small trickle of blood running down your forehead. Wincing, you nervously reached to wipe the blood, looking from the corner of your eye as he pulled out his hardened cock. Completely vulnerable and defenseless, you huddled yourself in the corner of the room, trying to hide yourself from the predator. Kylo dragged you out, holding your chains above your head and securing it to the bed post.

“Let fucking go of me, you piece of worthless, _weak_ shit!” you shouted, kicking your legs up in the air. His hands grasped your legs pinning you down on the bed as he fell on top of you, ripping your pants off with his bare hands. You shivered in the cold, body struggling to get out of his hold. You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to pretend this wasn’t about to happen, not from him at least. A hand clasping over your mouth, you felt his lips kiss the trail of tears from the corner of your eyes, his own face moist.

“You are the most beautiful being I have ever laid eyes on.” He whispered against your ear, making your heart jump out of your ribcage as fear melted through your body, spreading like a virus. “It always helps that you came from the family of the temple whores, ready to fuck just about anything.” His mouth found your hardened nipples, taking one in between his teeth and sucking roughly. You bit down on your tongue, trying to forget the sensations he was creating within you, making your walls pulse for him. Human biological needs were absolutely repulsive.

“Don’t you fucking dare say anything about my family.” You whimpered, trying to bite down a moan erupting in your stomach as he suckled on your nipples, moaning around your breasts.

“I fucked your sister that night you know, right before I took her pathetic life.” He growled, biting the tender flesh of your breasts underside, making you writhe in pain under him. “She always wanted to fuck me – and she even spread her legs for me right before I was about to take her life. But boy was she a good fuck. I fucked her so hard that he screams echoed the temple halls… but of course that was followed by the screams of me ripping open her innards afterwards.” Your body shook from his words, your mind screaming helplessly as he talked about how he killed your sister. You didn’t see her body that night, just like you could see your other brother and sister’s corpses as you were too busy running away from him. You broke out into loud sob, panting as tears streamed down your eyes.

“You monster…” you cried, burying your face away from him. “How did I ever fucking think you could change? You’re born a freak!” he gripped your hair with one hand while his right hand cupped your sex, unfortunately already wet for him.

“I initially always wanted to pound you though. No one was ever as alluring to me as you were, not nearly as beautiful... So I pretended that it was you that night.” He said, his face betraying his words, bottom lip twitching nervously. His hand cupped your mouth again, censoring your line of swears as he parted your outer lips and skimmed his fingers over your juices, smearing it over your clit. “Hmm… look at that, wet and ready just like I predicted, you fucking whore.”

His thumb pressed onto your clit as he plunged three fingers inside you, thrusting roughly as your juices spurted against his skin. Moaning against his hand, a wicked smug spread across his face as he thrusted his fingers harder, making your walls unwillingly close around him. He closed his eyes in concentration, drops of tear rolling down his eyes as his fingers ripped through your walls brutally. His forehead fell against yours, nuzzling his nose against your cheek. “Shush… there is no reason to be afraid now. I promise this will all be over soon…” his voice was soft against your skin, his tears moistening your already wet face.

He withdrew he fingers from you, shoving his juice coaxed into your mouth. You gurgled around his fingers, choking as he shoved down to your throat. Withdrawing them, he smeared his cum and saliva covered hands across your face, making your shudder. “I truly do hate you _Ren_!” you managed to choke out, sniffling as more sobs came. A flicker of pain flashed in his eyes, tilting his head to the side as he seemed wounded by your words. His Adams Apple bobbled as he gulped heavily, bottom lip quivering.

“You don’t mean that…” he croaked out, thumb tracing your bottom lip. You looked deep into his eyes, sensing his spiking mixture of emotions, but you didn’t care… not anymore.

“I sincerely fucking do.” You said coldly, watching his expression change as his nostrils flared, teeth grinding against each other. Huffing furiously through his nose, he placed his hand over your mouth again and plunged himself inside you, making you jump as he hit your cervix. You whimpered, chest shaking as tears rolled down uncontrollably. Your mind flooded with images of that night… the night he took everything from you. Flashes of burning corpses of children stooped into a pile as he stood over them, his red blade sizzling as raindrop hit its burning surface. Images of your time in the Academy, training under Master Skywalker, alongside him – images of your time with your family, all juvenile prats trying to shine under the shadow of your ancestors, images of the first time you went to Illum to retrieve your kyber-crystal. These were all just memories now, painful reminiscences of memories that were fading, like tears do with rain.

You opened your eyes and saw him sniffling and sobbing above you, undoubtedly sensing the images flashing inside your head. Sweat rolling down his forehead, he thrusted down harder, parting his lips and grunting in aching satisfaction. This was the father of your unborn child, and you couldn’t bear to look at him. Now you were nothing but a hollow vessel for his sickening pleasures, everything shred of your dignity torn from you. Grunting and thrusting as hard as he possibly could, making your walls ache with pain, his fatigue body fell over yours as hot cum oozed out of you, making you sick. He panted for air, fingers shaking soothing your hair.

“I’m sorry… I-I’ll send a medic and fresh… clothes.” He stammered, kissing your forehead and resting his lips.

“Get out of my sight, you animal.” You said, your eyes fixated on the wall. You heard him reach for his sleeve to wipe off his face and nose, tucking himself in a hurry. The mattress shifted as he got up and tucked himself in, placing his helmet in place and hustling out of the room in flash.

Your hand creeped down to your lower belly, resting over the life that was growing inside you, inevitably part monster. You closed your eyes, sniveling to the regret of why didn’t he kill you that night.

XXXX

You woke up covered in sweat, stark naked and freezing. A headache punctured through your skull, your eyes jolted up to the door slid open, the ginger general striding in. His face was as red as his hair, hand clasped behind his back and avoiding eye contact. Looking down You hugged your knees against yourself, covering your pathetic body. Looking away from you, Hux took off his coat and handed it to you, waiting until you wrapped the snug, expensive wool around yourself.

“Since when did you become so decent General?” you scoffed, shuddering inside his coat and trying to warm up your body.

“I must admit; Ren’s had gone too far this time.” Hux said, taking a seat at the edge of the bed. “This is undoubtedly a heinous crime.”

“Says the man who just got high off taking trillions of innocent lives.” You arched your eyebrows, huddling yourself closing. “Growing morals as reparations for your sins?” He looked over to you, his expression unreadable.

“I did whatever was necessarily to end the Republic and make the First Order the ultimate power in the galaxy.” He said, his voice perfectly steady. “And I will do whatever is necessary in the future – this is my job. But I would never throw myself, nor advocate brutal defilement of anyone.”

“If I can recall, you did throw me over your knees and spank me on my second day here.” You spat, moving yourself away from him. His ice blue eyes looked down on the dull grey bedsheet, finger tapping impatiently. 

“I must admit, I find you very appealing, physically… but I would never engage in intercourse with you without your consent.” He said, clearing his throat. This wasn’t him – the General was more cunning and calculating that anyone you knew. Biting your bottom lip, you looked at him, trying to sense his intentions, but nothing seemed off about them.

“You did know Kylo has been doing this to me ever since I got here.” You reasoned, hiding your face inside the coat for warmth.

“Yes, I was aware, but I didn’t concur with it.” Hux said. “Ren will do everything the Supreme Leader orders him to.”

“And you won’t? You’re both his bitch.” You said, pushing yourself up using your knee. “You want something, whatever it is, I’m not doing it so you can fuck off.” Your body ached with soreness, muscles stiff and skin burning from the bruises he gave you.

“I suggest you comply with the Supreme Leader’s request, or more hardship will come towards you in the future.” He said, standing up and straightening his uniform. Your frown grew deeper, trying to pry his intentions when it finally came to you.

“You know Kylo Ren will either be killed or pushed aside if I turn to the Dark Side.” You said, pushing your tangled hair out of your face. “You’re doing this simply because you want to see him fall and crumble into dust. You want a new Commander of the First Order.” You continued, watching his expression harden as you caught him red-handed. “I know you are a deceitful shrew Hux, so just do yourself a favor and get out of my sight.”

He once again clasped his hand behind his back, straightening his spine. “Can’t say you didn’t get a warning F/N.” He said, walking out the door as a novice medic stepped into the room, the equipment tray shaking in her hand. The girl approached you nervously, setting the tray on the bed.

“Prisoner L/N, Lord R-Ren has request to get your injuries checked.” The girl said, snapping on her latex gloves, her hands visibly shaking.

“What did he do to you? Threaten to kill you?” You asked, watching the girl’s expression drop. “Just patch me up and report to him everything is fine, then you’ll be out of his way.”

“Bu-But, he said to conduct a full checkup of your health…” the girl blurted out, her chest heaving and her eyes wide. You bit your lip, looking up at the girl and locking her eyes to yours.

“You will clean and bandage me up, write down on your report that I am in prime condition, and report to Commander Ren exactly that.” You said, giving your right hand a light wave. You watched as her blue pupils dilated, beads of sweat forming on her forehead.

“I will clean and bandage you up, write down on your report that you are in prime physical condition, and give that report to Commander Ren.” She repeated monotonously, reaching for the jar of bacta and bandages. She carefully cleaned your wounds, pouring cool bacta over your burning skin. She was a new medic here, and receiving a death threat and seeing the product of his interrogations truly did take a huge toll on her.

“Yes, he is a monster, just like they say he is.” You said, watching the girl lift up her eye and look at you, alarmed.

“How did you-?” she stammered.

“I am a Force-user too; I could sense it.” You replied, watching her expression change as curiosity struck her. “So you might want to think about something else when you are at his presence again, he’ll sense it too.”

“You’re… you’re the Jedi girl, aren’t you?” she said, flinching back slightly. You drew in a sharp breath, resting you chin over your knees.

“I don’t know what I am anymore.” You answered, watching her bandage the last of your scars. The girl blew out a huff of air, looking at you sympathetically. You shyly took off the coat, pulling on the clothes provided to you – plain black underwear and plain black jumpsuit. You could sense the girl mortified behind you, her eyes scanning over your form of bite marks and bruises Kylo has given you in the past few months.

“Did he?” she asked, gulping nervously.

“Yes.” You answered almost immediately. “Sometimes I actually liked them.” You said, shaking your head. The girl licked her lips, gathering her belongings in a hurry. You watched her scurry towards the door before turning to you one final time.

“I’m sorry this is happening to you.” She whispered, before walking out the door. You took a seat in your bed, wondering how this girl was pressured into taking a job on the Starkiller Base. Societal pressure and glittering lies fed to the nation, recruiting poor, oblivious minds into this malefactor organization. Rubbing your temples, you noticed a Stormtrooper take his place in front of your prison door, gripping his gun tightly. Looking down at your hands, a smile creeped onto your face, eyes shifting back at the Stormtrooper.

 XXXX

“There’s too much Vader in him.” Han said, looking at Leia as a wounded expression washed over her face.

“That’s why I wanted him to train with Luke… but, I should have never sent him away.” She said, her eyes shut close. “That’s when I lost him… that’s when I lost you both.” Han watched as Leia’s eyes swam with regret; a mourning mother crying for her son.

“We both had to deal with it in our own way…” Han said, resting his back against the boxes of crates. “But Leia, we have bigger problems to deal with now, regarding Ben.” He said, rubbing his temples furiously.

“What do you mean?” Leia asked, resting her palm on his shoulder.

“Padawan L/N.” Han said, looking back at his wife. “I met her. He took her back.” Han said, his heart becoming heavy at the thought of the warm, powerful Jedi girl.

“Yes, I’m aware.” Leia said, frowning. “If I only knew she was alive – she would have never been caught in the first place. Han, getting her out of there is out top priority.” Leia continued when Han raised his hand in the air, making her stop.

“She’s pregnant.” Han said, still having a hard time believing his own words. “And it’s his… it’s Ben’s.” Han watched as Leia fell on the chair behind her, all blood drained from her face. Her hands shakily reached to cover her mouth, looking up at Han with a mixture of glee and horror.

“Our grandchild?” she asked, her voice barely audible. Han nodded his head heavily, crossing his arms over his chest. “My god, Han… we have to get that girl out of there, now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter wasn't easy to write, emotionally, at all. I was reading how Brock Turner, the Stanford Rapist got released after three months of his six fucking months sentence, and news channels believed it was more important to mention that he was a swimmer instead of a rapist. I was purely enraged - well, everything about this case is enraging and watching how even today rape cases get no importance is truly disgusting.  
> I just needed to vent.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo has spend most his life being torn apart by the pull from both Light and Dark, making it agonizing for him to live. But for the first time in his life, Kylo Ren has been completely engulfed with one side of the Force, making him stronger than ever... and impossible for you to defeat.

Ren stormed into his personal quarters, immediately throwing his helmet to the other side of the room. He hated himself, more than ever now. He couldn’t believe he was forced to do something so vile and revolting just to prove his loyalty to the Dark Side. He truly didn’t understand why the Supreme Leader didn’t have any faith in him – even after everything he has done to prove so…

Anger fumed through him, anger unlike anything he has ever experienced before, looking around, Kylo noticed all his furniture shaking, crumbling against each other and Ren flared his nostrils. _Hate_ – he hated everything… everyone. Taking the chair next to him, Kylo lifted it and threw it down, watching the wood shatter into pieces on the floor. He wanted to break everything, destroy everything in his path. But there was something different this time… the Force was flowing through him unlike ever before. For the first time, Ren was experiencing the full wrath of the Dark Side, with no Light to hold him back.

Anger still boiled through him, even though he has never felt so pure with the Darkness before, he was _disgusted_ with himself. He wanted to crawl out of his own skin, rip through his own flesh with his blade… blade that has killed millions. Wiping his eyes and running to the fresher, Kylo crouched over the toilet, throwing up the bitter bile pooling in the pit of his stomach. He was sick of himself, the life he was leading – but this was the cost of the Dark Side. Walking to the mirror, he saw his usual rich brown iris flicker with bright yellow hues, his pale skin almost transparent.

Wiping the tears away, he took a deep breath, walking around his vandalized apartment to reach his meditation room. Vader’s helmet lay peacefully above the ashes of the weak, no longer daunting him. Picking up the relic, Kylo looked at it, letting out a dry chuckle.

“I feel it grandfather, the full extent of the Darkness.” Kylo said, taking a seat on the seat behind him. “I have never felt anything so nauseatingly wonderful before.” Setting the mask down, Kylo kneeled down in one knee, his head bowed down. “Sith had the permission to love… to feel whole. It’s the only reason why you chose this path… oh how foolish you were.” He let out a dry chuckle, looking up at the still stars scattered across the black canvas.

“I hate myself… for what I did to her. She doesn’t deserve it… no one does, especially not her.” Ren said, waiting for tears to stream down his eyes, but they never came. “But it has gotten me here… the path I have always sought to be in. I feel the Force revolting around me, like a magnet… I feel like I can do anything… everything. I can finally start taking steps for my aims, to finish what you started - plunge the galaxy in complete darkness… begin my own regime.”

Standing up on his feet and placing the helmet back on its place, Ren straightened himself out, an uncharacteristic smirk plastered on his face. “I have one of task to complete, but I am now sure I can complete it… no matter how hard it may be for me. And once I have reached my full potential… Snoke will pay for his heinous treachery… I will watch him burn while he begs for his life. The First Order is weak, ordered by fascism, and they think they have seen true power. Once I become the Emperor, I will have her by my side… only her presence makes my power full… my _passion_ for her, and my hate for myself. She was the key to my power after all.” Picking up a handful of hand, rubbing it in between his leather gloves, Kylo summoned his helmet within the mess. “Thank for showing me the true path, grandfather. Thank you for showing me the hate.”

Walking out of his quarters, he still hated himself, but he has never felt so calm before. His desires and intentions were clear to him now – his path was set. Few more steps into gaining ultimate power, and he would never would have to be servant again. He will succeed where his grandfather failed.

XXXX

You clutched the poor bastard’s blaster close to you, checking every corner to see if someone caught you. This was so easy; you couldn’t believe you never thought of this before. Starkiller Base was a labyrinth, but you still remember the general direction of the hanger. All you needed to do was get out of this planet’s atmosphere… taking detours through the ventilation system, you could feel that you were almost there when something felt off. 

“Kylo…” you looked up, feeling a wave of the Dark Side. Bringing your lips to a thin line, you sat up straight in the tight space, folding your legs together to meditate. It may have seemed like an odd time, but the Dark Side was unnaturally strong, too suddenly. Knitting your eyebrows together, you felt it, the conflict no longer existing. Kylo Ren has submitted himself completely to the Dark Side, after what he did to you…

Feeling a sharp jolt in your heart, you clutched your shirt together, tears streaming down your eyes. You couldn’t believe how naïve and foolish you were, to think you could make him better. Whatever Light he had in him was now completely gone… and he was so powerful. You were sure if Kylo caught you again, he wouldn’t need to cheat to win against you. You needed to get out of here now more than ever, because if you were trapped here… you were trapped here forever with your child.

“Fucking hell.” You murmured, before proceeding to crouch through the vents. 

XXXX

If this were any other day, Kylo would have possibly destroyed another communications system. But this wasn’t another day, Ren was different. Getting the news that you have escaped again, he didn’t react. Instead, he baffled his platoon, and General Hux by giving his instructions in a calm and collected manner, taking the lead like a true leader. 

Hux looked at Ren, completely calm… and actually mature. His frown growing deeper, his gaze followed the Commander, strolling down the hallway calmly. Ren was supposed to ignited his blade and slice through someone, or tear down the console room… not be normal. He didn’t even know what the definition of normal for Ren would be – but so far this was the closest. The Stormtroopers looked at each other, anxiously waiting for Ren to explode, but he never did.

Hux walked back to his office in a hurry, closing the door behind him. Wiping a line of sweat from his forehead, he leaned in against the table, deciding whether Ren’s new act was to his advantage or will it ultimately be his downfall. The answer to this was obvious – Hux was screwed.

XXXX

You crashed yourself into Finn’s arms, trying with all your force not to break down in front of him. As you could feel your lungs collapsing, he released your, narrowing his eyes on your bandages. “These weren’t there before… what the fuck did he do?” Finn asked, his tone heavy. Your eyes momentarily flickered to Han, who was looking at you cautiously.

“I’m fine now. We have to get out of here because I have a bad feeling about this...” You said, avoiding all eye contact with everyone. You led them into the shuttle, watching Finn fiddle with the controls as the shuttle took off. You stood against the wall, nibbling on the insides of your cheeks desperately. You felt as if you were being deprived of oxygen as the darkness clouded around you, distorting your vision. You have never felt the Dark Side so strong before, ever. Leaning against the wall, you felt tears gather in your eyes, but fluttered your eyelids to let them dry before anyone noticed.

Snoke used you to make him turn truly to the Dark, make him hate himself. Now you realized, how reluctant he was… but it changes nothing. It doesn’t matter if it was his choice or not, he did violate you nonetheless. You felt Rey move closer to you, looking at you from the corner of her eye. “It feels different here… like almost _suffocating_.” She whispered, her pupils shifting from side to side. 

You took a deep breath, moving away from the wall and clutching the blaster close you. “That’s the Dark Side sweetheart. Welcome to my world.” 

You ran outside, teeth cluttering together as the wave of cold wind stabbed your skin. You narrowed your eyes and looked at the disaster as Resistant Starfighters fell out of the sky, one by one. Looking back, you saw Han grimace. “We can’t leave Han. They look like they are in bad shape.” You said, still uncomfortable holding a blaster.

“It’s good that our friend here has a bag full of explosives.” Han smirked, looking at Finn who nodded in response. “So let’s use them.”

XXXX

You offered to take the front assault, with Han and Chewie right behind you. Readying the blaster, you heard Chewbacca groan.

“He says you look uncomfortable with a blaster.” Han said, pointing to see how tightly you were holding the weapon against your chest.

“I might believe blasters are clumsy weapons, but trust me, I know my way around them.” You said, adding a reassuring smile. You knew he was close as you could feel the Dark Side choking you again, his foul stench lingering in the air. Aiming to shoot, you pulled the trigger and shot all three Stormtroopers bullseye in the head, right in between the eyes within a split second, waiting for Rey to open the next set of doors.

“Wow… I haven’t seen many people with that kind of skill before kid.” Han said, a smug plastered on his face.

Feeling a beam of pride, you smiled cockily, slinging the blaster back casually. “I was trained as a sharp shooter back in the Academy.” You said, walking through as the doors slid open. “We can do more than wave around our lightsabers ya know.”

“Yes… I know.” Han replied gloomily, filling you with a flood of guilt. Of course he knew. Aiming your lightsaber again, you kept a lookout while Han and Chewie began setting detonations charges. Following Han, you nudged to get his attention.

“He’s getting closer.” You whispered, hands now visibly shaking. Han stopped placing detonators on the poles and turned around, leaning his arm against the wall.

“Somethings changed about you. What did he do?” Han asked, his weary eyes stern with fear of what he might hear. You opened your mouth, wanting to say something, anything, but nothing came out. “Is there any hope for him kid?

You felt your bottom lip quiver, tucking it in between your teeth. “Not anymore…” you whispered, your heart contracting against your chest. You felt it impossible to breath as you tried to suck in air. This pain… _his_ pain was overwhelming. You had no family left anymore – every single one of them were killed by his clan ten years back… your parents, siblings… cousins – everyone. But now more than ever, you knew what the pain of a parent felt like. Han and General Leia were now the closest thing you had to family, along with Finn and Rey.

Han ducked his head down, his gaze fixed on the steel floor. “You know I can’t just give up. I have to try… he’s my son.” Han said, his voice cracking 

“I know…” you answered, your eyes shifting towards the door he was approaching. “But he isn’t the son you knew. A part of him was even a few days ago – but that changed today.”

“What happened?” he asked, his eyes on yours again, brown watery eyes staring intently. Looking away from him as a bitter scowl appeared in your face, you chewed the inside of your cheeks again, not wanting to face him. 

“It’s best if you don’t know.” You paused, your head shooting straight up, gripping the blaster in your hand. “He’s here.” You said, taking Han’s arm and jerking him behind a pillar. The two of you watched as Stormtroopers ran past you, both blaster ready to shoot. You were too focused to not get caught while Han slipped past you, following Kylo Ren in the bridge below. Your heart sank you’re your knees… you know this can’t be anything good… you could feel it. Slowly walking towards the balcony, you knocked out two Stormtroopers from the back, watching as Han stopped behind him 

“Ben!” Han shouted, making Kylo Ren stop in his tracks. “Take off that mask, you don’t need it.” You felt Finn and Rey stand behind you, watching with equal anxiety. Finn drew closer to your ear, his eyes filled with panic. 

“What the fuck is he doing?” He whispered, looking down the intense stand-off. 

“What do you think you will see?” Kylo asked calmly, his leathered fingers twitching.

“The face of my son.” Han replied loudly, making both Finn and Rey gasp behind you. You came closer to the railing to get a better view, gripping the rod tightly in your fist. You watched as he slowly reached for his helmet, letting a hiss of air out as it slid open. His raven dark tendrils fell perfectly around his shoulders, his skin paler than usual. What shocked you the most were his eyes… usual rich chocolate brown with flecks of yellow-gold, making him look predatorial. You remember clearly that lack of pigmentation and hints of yellow in the eyes were a sign of the Dark Side – the yellower the eyes, the stronger the Dark Side is in you. Your heart unconsciously fluttered, wanting to slap yourself as you realized how _beautiful_ he looked right now.

“Your son is gone.” He said, his voice eerily calm. He looked up at you for a split second, eyebrows knitting together before moving his gaze away looking down on the floor. “He was weak and foolish like his father, so I destroyed him.”

“That’s what Snoke wants you to believe. But it’s not true, my son is alive.” Han said as he took a few steps closer to the former Ben Solo, standing his ground. 

“I know that. But I don’t need the Supreme Leader anymore.” Kylo said, making your eyes grow wide. He understood nothing but his devotion to the Dark Side and Snoke, and now… leaning more into the railing you inhaled deeply, a sick feeling swirling in your gut. “I know he has been using me for my power. I am aware he will crush me once my replacement is ready.” He said gaze now fixed on you as his eyes turned into an alarming shade of yellow. You gulped nervously, holding onto the railing with your life. You knew the Dark Side was stronger in him than ever, but why was he being this way?

“So you understand. Ben, you still have the chance to leave here and come home with me.” Han said, his voice beaming with joy. You sank to your knees, a whimper stuck in your throat. Kylo might have been a bastard, but he was never so cold before. He was beginning to remind you of Hux now. Suddenly, a flicker of emotion appeared on his face, full lips quaking as he sniffled, eyes becoming his usual warm brown.

“I’m being torn apart…” he said, his baritone voice heavy. “I know what I have to do, and I now know I have the strength to do it, but I still need your help.” He said, eyes narrowed. Your heart began racing again, feeling the torn emotions inside him, just like they were the last time he was with you.

“Anything Ben…” Han came closer to his son, looking up to him. You quickly shot up to your feet, knowing nothing good was about to happen.

“Get away from him Han!” you shouted, making Han turn back and look at you, his eyes wide. “He’s using you to gain more power just like he used me!” you shouted, watching Han’s face contort in anger.

“He’s my son F/N, I know him better than this!” Han shouted back, making your scrape your nails against the railing paint.

“He’s not Ben Solo anymore! I have learned that the hardest way possible, trust me!” you screamed, watching Kylo’s lips drawn to a thin line his eyes hard. “He is nothing more than a monster now.”

“But he’s knows the truth about Snoke’s intention’s… my son is thinking clearly again.” Han reasoned, resting his hand on Kylo’s broad shoulders. Kylo nodded, moving his stare away from you and back to his father.

“I know I have been hard with her, but it’s only because Snoke made me.” Kylo said to his father, dropping his helmet by his side. “Trust me… he will pay for his sins once I am fully ready.” Kylo handed his lightsaber over to his father, both of them gripping onto it tightly. You slowly sank to your knees again as the planet sucked off the suns energy, leaving the room in sheer darkness… Kylo’s face only illuminated with a vibrant red light. You could now feel Han’s growing fear as Kylo gripped onto his lightsaber tightly, making your heart leap out of your throat.

It all happened so fast, you screamed before he ignited the lightsaber, drawing it through his heart. Everything else was a haze now… Chewie and Rey’s scream, Han’s limp body falling into the abyss below, a blaster shot hitting Kylo in the stomach. All you could do was sit and watch it happen, knowing that you could have saved Han if your tried harder. You felt someone pulling your body up, dragging you out as your legs froze in place, listening to his words.

“You made this all possible F/N! there is no point in you running now because you know better than anyone else that you belong next to me!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren is no longer winey Ren. He basically wants become the next Supreme Leader, like Vader wanted to become the emperor but failed, ya see! I know that's what he will want in the future movies anyways, but i just helped move things along. don't hate me.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You finally begin to let go of the bounds you were tied with, and focus on your duty.

In the last few months, there have been many instances where you thought you would lose it, completely lose control… but now you knew for sure you could no longer keep your temperament. Running out into the snowy terrain, your chest exploded with screams of frustrations trapped inside you. You wanted to scream, cry… let go. You have never felt so tired before, trying to fight – continuing to fight, but today for the first time, you wanted to quit. You finally accepted your loss.

Your weakened body limped through the thick forest, legs digging down in the frozen snow. You thought you were so used to loss, but nothing ever quite felt this remorseful. Tears uncontrollably shed from your lids, fluttering with your freezing skin. You have taken only one goal in your life – to become a Jedi… and you were miserably losing. Taking on Ben Solo as your personal charity was the biggest mistake you’ve made, even bigger than possibly falling in love with him. No matter how disdainful it might be for you to admit… you actually wanted Kylo Ren dead – you wanted to slay him with your bare hands.

An overwhelming wave of pity washed over you – you pitied him. Everyone in his life had offered him so much, the people who loved him, yet he brought them nothing but pain. Ben was no teenager to discipline with punishment, his parents tried and failed; he was a grown man, completely incapable of seeing his own good. When his own parents couldn’t turn him to Light – people who understood him the deepest… what hope did _you_ ever have?

Were you running? How was your body functioning; must have been the will of the Force. Maybe you stopped running, maybe your body finally gave in when you felt your knees land on the soft plush snow, kissing your knees with a hit of frost. You heard a faint shout as Finn called after you, telling you to continue forward, but all you wanted to do was curl up into a ball and disappear. Huddling your knees together closer to your body, you whimpered, heart beating in a turbulent rhythm. A thick droplet of tear began freezing whilst resting on your cheek, painting your naked skin with a wisp of blue frost – why were you given such a miserable life?

“Get your shit together… Jedi’s don’t lose it like this…” you reassured yourself, trying to raise your limp body from the ground. _Then again, most Jedi’s didn’t lose all their loved ones to the man who manipulated you to fall for him, let him rape you, and impregnate you_. You shook your head, wiping your eyes and realizing you were completely alone in the middle of the desolate woods. In the middle of your breakdown, you lost Finn and Rey. Muttering a line of swears, you closed your eyes and concentrated on the Force when your alerts shot up. Looking up, a beam of red and blue ignited the brim forest, followed by sounds of clashing lightsabers.

Without further lagging, you reached for your lightsaber and ran in the direction of the lights dancing in the darkness. You couldn’t believe you let your vulnerable emotional state put Finn and Rey in danger – they will never last against Ren, no matter how strong with the Force they are. Closing your eyes, you let the Force do its work as you found yourself blocking a blow that could have potentially killed your best friend. You gritted your teeth hard, concentrating on your strength to fight his and Force-push him away from you.

“Finn, can you stand?” You asked, voice laced with guilt. You lightly touched his scorched shoulder, face bruised and bloodied – nonetheless, you were proud of him for holding up as much as he did.

“Barely…” he replied weakly, voice raspy.

“Stay with Rey, I got it from here.” You turned around as Kylo got up from the snow again, his blaster shot bleeding into the snow. You turned around one last time, looking at the person who made you feel like a human being again. “I’m sorry…”

Your attention turned to the shiny object dented into the snow, calling to you. Reaching out, you called to the Force to summon your master’s saber when Ren began to do the same, making it harder to summon. 

“That lightsaber belongs to me.” Kylo screamed, curling his fists in the air as he tried his best to get the lightsaber, but kept failing.

“That lightsaber belongs to Master Skywalker.” You shot back harshly, giving the saber a final pull and watching it land in your palm, the metal warm compared to the frosty atmosphere. Tucking the lightsaber away safely, you griped your own in your hands firmly. “I am done fucking around with you, Ben, let’s end this… you and me, right now.”

* * *

 

He didn’t taunt you, the pigmentation of his eyes returned back to his usual rich brown; he felt broken. Whatever strength Kylo Ren might have gained from the Dark Side before was now completely lost. Snoke said that he would be stronger if he killed his father, but now he was more fragile than ever before. His face was fixed to a permanent frown, mixed with a pained feeling from his injuries, but mostly indicating his internal defeat. You could feel his strength wavering as his blows became weaker, his strikes became predictable, and his defenses seemed futile.

Whatever history you had with him, right now, you were a Jedi and he was the enemy. You swung your lightsaber back to block him, and he finally spoke. “You think I am weakening. You have _hope_ again…” his words were venomous, but they didn’t seem to have any impact in you.

“I don’t think you are weakening… I know you are.” You replied confidently, arms aching from the lengthy fight. “And I don’t have renewed hope with you, I gave up on you long ago.” You spat back, beginning to feel anger lace into your bloodstream. Biting down on your tongue hard, you reminded yourself to keep emotions at check.

“I know you’re lying.” He replied, his voice becoming hard as his strikes became harsher. At this point, you wanted to laugh at his face, but anything you could possibly say to him is useless. As another insult was about to slip off your mouth, both of you stopped as you felt the ground shake. The Rebellion got to the core reactor and this planet was collapsing on itself. You moved as quickly as you could, using your ancestor’s technique of fighting. By this time, Kylo completely lost his control and fell back as you unconsciously slashed your lightsaber across his face.

You watched as the ground divided in half, separating you from him. You watched as he continued to lie back on the snow, his body completely giving up. How hard must to be him? Having spent all his life with a malicious voice inside his head, telling him to kill. Did you hate Ren? No, you pitied him. Turning your lightsaber off, you looked at him, your heart strings tugging harshly.

“You could have been better than this. You had a choice.” You shouted, taking small steps back as pieces of the earth started crumbling away. “Was it worth it, to lose everything in order to get a glimpse into power that you cannot control?"

You saw him try to lift his body off, holding it. “The Dark Side is the only way!” He shouted, voice filled with agony. Even now, he is clinging on to the fictions Snoke forced on him. “I don’t care about any of it! I don’t care about my family! And I most certainly don’t care about you!”

You stopped, feeling a stab of pain in your heart. Yes, he has hurt you in almost every way possible – physically and mentally… but there was something about what he just said that was true. Maybe he really didn’t care about you; maybe he pretended just to get an easier access to the Dark Side. Biting your bottom lip, you tried your best to fight back the tears, but some shed despite your efforts.

“Passion… that’s all I was to you, wasn’t it? It wasn’t even your plan!” You shouted, taking steps back as most pieces of the ground kept falling into the abyss. “You will never get ahead yourself Ben! No matter what, you will always remain Snoke’s bitch!”

“Just fucking go!” Kylo shouted, attempting to lift his fragile upper body, but failed. “But remember the next time we cross paths, you’re dead.” He spat, letting his body fall on the ground. 

You couldn’t stand it anymore – the pain, the betrayal, the anguish was all washing back to you now. Turning back without looking, you blocked your Force signatures and ran before the ground began shaking violent, shallowing anything in its path. You found your back to Finn and Rey, both lying on the ground, hopeless help might never come. They only one still conscious was Rey, holding Finn close.

“Rey, how is he doing?” You asked, crashing on your knees to quickly check his pulse.

“He passed out a few minutes ago.” Rey answered back, her voice croaked. “This planet is falling apart… what do we do?” she asked, her eyes lost.

You gently placed your hand on her shoulders, her tiny body shivering from the cold. “Help is already here Rey.” You answered with smile just as a flash of light from the _Millennium Falcon_ came in your view. “Let’s get out of this shithole.”

Chewbacca gently lifted up Finn and carried him back to the ship with Rey behind them. Kneading your fists together, you looked back at the demolishing Star Killer base, where your freedom, pride and honor ended – now you were left with a child, a child you had no idea how to take care of. You slowly walked back to the ship, shoulders at ease but heart still heavy that you would never have to end up here again.

* * *

 

You watched from the dock as Finn was rushed back with Medical assistance. You didn’t know how to do this… you couldn’t possibly face her now. Taking your cape off, you head out the door, heart ripping out of your flesh. General Leia stood still in front of the Falcon, her gaze lost. You felt yourself crash in her arms, placing your head on top of her shoulders as you let your guard down again.

“I’m so sorry Leia…” you whimpered, soaking her vest with your tears.

“It’s not your fault. None of it is…” she reassured you, holding your head and wiping your tears away. How long has it been since someone took care of you like this? showed your maternal comfort. You felt like you could breathe again, having someone like her by your side, especially now. “We still have hope… there is still light in him.”

* * *

 

You walked aimlessly through the cheering crowd, the atmosphere filled with sounds of joy. Everyone around you was celebrating, but here you were… a heart that was permanently broken. You turned around when you heard a beeping sound that consumed you with nostalgia.

“R2?” you screeched, kneeling next to the ancient droid that your Master owned. The R2 unit beeped in joy, telling you how glad it was to see you alive. “I thought you burned down ten years ago buddy!” you petting its rusty white head, a smile crawling on your face. You knew this droid’s history; how much it has been through. R2 beeped again, telling you he had something very important to show you.

“R2 has something to show us!” you shouted, making sure everyone’s attention was turned to you. You leaned back against the desk when R2 projected the missing piece of the map that lead to Luke Skywalker. You brought your hand over your mouth, possibly feeling safe after a decade.

“Luke…” Leia gasped behind you. “I can’t believe we found him.” BB-8 rolled in, projecting in the remaining portion. You took the closest seat next to you, waves of emotion washing over you. What would Master Luke think of you now? His only two living apprentices, both failures? Shaking your head, you focused on the positive for the first time, in a very long time.

“So we do have hope after all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOD I AM SO SORRY FOR THE DELAY.  
> life has been kinda crazy lately... but now i'm back and got a job in Michael Kors (50% employees discount my life is complete), but unfortunately that's the only good thing in my life rn.  
> I spent the last two days mourning the fact that Trump is our president... still in denial about that.   
> anyhoo, here you go, short chapter, i know... probably a little shitty too cuz i have been a little rusty, but i did it <3  
> one more short chapter to go!


	16. Chapter 16

Your morning sickness was possibly at its worst, and the bump in your tummy now visibly showing. Even though you were highly respected in the Resistance community, the frowns and snickers of aimless gossip of your state was still circling around. Whenever someone asked you the whereabouts of your child’s father, you would have to resort to lie.

Both you and Leia decided it was best for everyone’s security, especially yours and your child’s, that no one knows who the father of your baby is. After ten years of solely bitter experiences, you have learned no one can be trusted – not even people you fight along. You gathered your belongings and waited for Rey to come. Finn has been unresponsive for almost two weeks now, but the Force in him was still strong; you knew he was going to get better soon. Tucking your lightsaber and your Master’s lightsaber, you looked over at the _Millennium Falcon_ , it’s aged rusty exterior shining brightly against the soft sunlight of the Yavin moon.

You felt a soothing presence beside you, softly tapping your shoulder. You turned around, ducking your head knowing she came to give you another laundry list of motherly reminders. “When are you to come back?” she asked, with grave concern and sincerity in her voice.

“As soon as my second trimester begins.” You answered automatically, memorizing very word she has entranced you with for the past week.

“Good. I know I have said this a million times and I can sense you are sick of listening to the same thing over and over again, but you must take care of yourself-“ she stopped short, her eyes suddenly darkening. “I know how you feel about this pregnancy… and it is natural to have such sentiments in your case… but you must understand, this child isn’t a curse… she’s a miracle.”

You sucked in a long breath, stopping as Leia mentioned the child as “she”. She has given this lecture to you before as well, and you too knew that the purity of a newborn child of the Force can never be a curse, but you could help but let your mind wander to the darkest of paths. You knew you would give everything to raise this child right, but what if – there was always a “what if” when it came to the Skywalker family, as your grandfathers Force ghost liked reminding you.

“Why did you call it a she?” you asked finally, snapping back to reality. “How do you know Leia?”

“I had a vision...” she said, the clarity of light coming back to her eyes. “And she certainly gets the beauty of her mother.” She tilts up your chin and places a small kiss on your forehead, bringing back the sense of calmness in you. “And he isn’t going to be disappointed in you.”

You stood back, a smirk rising in your face. “Are my emotions really that transparent?” you asked smiling. Leia would instantly read whatever was in your mind, no matter how hard you tried to block her sometimes.

“No honey, you are very hard to read.” She said, biting the inside of her cheeks. “I know because if I were you – I would be thinking the same things.” You nodded, wanting to drop this discussion from proceeding further. “And I also know my brother.”

Your eyes drew to the corner as Rey’s lanky shape came to view, strutting down the hill with her heavy bags. Chewie was already on board, fixing up the navigation charts and setting a clear hyperspace route for us. Leia reached down and gave Rey a tight hug. Rey walked aboard the Falcon, waiting for you to board.

“Find him and bring him back.” Leia instructed one last time. “And may the Force be with you.” She said one last time.

“And may it be with you, always.” You replied, turning back and settling in aboard. You took your seat in the cockpit, losing yourself while Rey and Chewie flew the _Falcon_ off the atmosphere. Your eyes wandered at the fazing stars nearby, the vibrant collision of blue and white mixing as you flew through hyperspace.

You sat quietly, slowly petting your baby bump. You thought you have possibly faced the worst, but you knew, your worst days were yet to come.

* * *

 

The planet Ahch-To was serene, contrasting your restless mood. You found yourself surrounded by lush green, and endless waves of crystal blue water. The air was fresh – the Force was clean and strong. You looked up, seeing the broken steps leading up to the ancient Temple. This was one of the first Jedi Temples – a truly historic relic for your people.

You began walking up the steps first, letting the Force guide you towards your Master. You could sense him as soon as you landed. He was the only living Force present on this planet – but his Force signature was like none other. The Force vibrated around him with such immense power, that no one could match it.

Your heart began beating wildly against your chest, making you clutch onto his lightsaber tighter. You stopped, watching a hooded figure stare out. You couldn’t help but smile, almost running towards the figure as he slowly turned around. My he has aged since you last saw him – his hair and beard now completely grey, his hair tousled and long around his shoulders.

You felt your bottom lip whimper as you ran directly to his arms, burying your face in his chest and letting his cloak soak with your tears. He said nothing, just held you tightly like he used to when you were his student. You don’t know how long you were there, crying like a lost child in his arms, but finally you stood up, wiping your face with your sleeve.

“I-I’m sorry… Master… I f-failed you…” you stammered, hiccupping as more sad sobs came. He placed his mechanical arm on your shoulder, squeezing tightly.

“You have no reason to apologize… if anyone failed padawan… it is me.” He said, his voice completely unwavering. You two were so alike, both Master and student hiding from the world, drowning yourselves in shame and misery. You pushed your bangs aside, running your fingers through your hair. 

“It wasn’t anyone’s fault Master. No one saw this coming.”

“I should have.” He answered immediately, moving aside so his gaze finally fell on Rey. “I have been expecting you for some time now.” He said, a small smile rising on his face. Rey simply nods, clearly too nervous to say anything. She simply reaches for her belt and pulls out Anakin Skywalker’s lightsaber, handing it over to him.

“Ah you found it.” He said, taking the lightsaber and carefully examining it. “So training begins.”

* * *

 

 (7 months later)

You have heard that you will never face a greater pain than this – it felt as if all your bones were crushing down on you, sweat pouring down your skull, skin ripping itself apart. You wished you were dead – this pain was simply unbearable. Your screams echoed the silent halls, blood scattering across the white hospital sheets. You felt your heart stop, the pain diminishing – maybe you were dead, then came the cry… but it wasn’t yours.

It was a shrill cry, one just as painful as yours, but it lifted your soul. You felt all the pain wash away, all the agony disappearing. Panting hard, you used your elbows to lift yourself up, trying to see the baby. It was blocked from your view as the healers and droids cleaned it up, the crying of the baby slowly lowering.

You crashed your head on the pillow, exhausting taking over you as your lids fluttered heavily. Then you felt it, the light coming towards it. It was wrapped in a pink blanket. She was small, so tiny in your hands, so soft and fragile. You held onto her tighter, watching her more closely. She had a head full of thick black hair, her skin tan like yours, her lips full pink, her eyes vibrant chocolate brown – she looked exactly like her father.

Your bottom lips whimpered, bursting into tears as you held your newborn child. The hope that you had lost long ago has come back. Wiping your tears away, you took a sniff of her precious small head and smiled. “I am going to name her Han.”

* * *

 

Kylo fluttered his eyes open as a sudden burst of light choked him in his meditation. Sweat poured down his forehead, his heartbeat rapid. He used the ash mantel to pull himself up, grabbing a towel nearby to wipe the river of precipitation on his skin. He placed his helmet swiftly on his head and rushed down the hallways, impatiently pushing aside any Stormtrooper who failed to notice him. What was happening to him? Why was he feeling so… elated? It scared it, the sudden explosion of Light.

Kylo strode into the throne room, Snoke’s hologram already projecting. To his high inconvenience, General Hux was there too, his arms clasped behind his back. He couldn’t have that obnoxious redhead around when he was having a moment of weakness. Nonetheless, Ren took off his helmet and placed it on the ground, kneeling to his Master.

“I am sure you would feel it soon.” Snoke said, his voice unwavering and bored. Kylo furrowed his eyebrows, his patience wearing thin with his Master’s treatment.

“Master, what was that?” he asked, his voice tight and rigid.

“I believe I have to congratulate you Master Ren.” Snoke said, bring his beguiling enormous head closer. Ren’s head shot up, his eyes swimming with confusion.

“Congratulations?” he asked, looking to his side and seeing an equally confused expression in Hux’s bloodless pale face.

“That’s what people do don’t they? When one becomes a father?” he said, sitting back. Ren felt his heart drop to his stomach. He looked down, completely baffled. He was a father? Gulping tightly, he avoided his Master’s eye contact, knowing nothing good was coming his way.

“Master… forgive me.” He said, his voice visibly shaky. “I – I didn’t-“

“Do you not sense the power of this child?” His voice was harsh, making Ren flinch ever so slightly. “Do you not realize the dire consequences if Luke Skywalker is to train this _child_!” disdain laced his voice, making Kylo involuntarily clench his fists. Closing his eyes tightly, he chooses his words carefully.

“What must I do Master?” he asked, his voice hard.

“Bring them both to me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eaiiiy the first story is done <3  
> thanks for everyone who left kudos and comments on my story - really kept me motivated :)  
> there will obviously be a sequel, idk when i'll start, hopefully soon
> 
> In another note... did you guys Rogue One! how good was that movie (extremely sad tho)  
> almost choked on my popcorn when Vader came on screen
> 
> PS, love you guys :*

**Author's Note:**

> Helloooo :) so here is my first from the Force Awakens. After reading a few Ren/Reader fics, I am intreguied to write on of my own. This story begins pre Force Awakens, but it's eventually going to the Force Awakens plot as well. Let me know what you guys think pleaseeeee  
> Leave Kudos, and most importantly, reviews...


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